Reviewer: sabun amoorea Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 10, 2017 7:56 am Title: Chapter 1

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Reviewer: fatihin Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 01, 2017 8:11 pm Title: Chapter 1

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LINK 10

Reviewer: Tippy Anonymous [Report This]
Date: November 02, 2008 5:51 pm Title: Chapter 4

Great episode!!! It had me goin'back and forth between who did it =D  I hope to read more of your work soon!

Lots o' love!!!

Tippy



Author's Response:

Awesome!  I tried to put in clues so that it was possible to guess, but i kept myself vague because I have a deep fear of people seeing what's coming.  Whoops, maybe not the best thing for a mystery :).  I'm glad you enjoyed it!  Thanks!

[Oh yeah, I'm in the middle of writing something now, trying to get it started and planned out, so something should be coming soon.]

Reviewer: Tine Signed [Report This]
Date: October 27, 2008 1:26 pm Title: Chapter 4

Ha ha ha ha! What a ride! Good job, centipede, you made my day with this. I know a little of how Shawn's feeling as I too am rather sick (though not with pneumonia). I'm feeling a little better now, though. Thanks for writing such a fun and easily readable fic. It felt so much like an episode, and for that, you rock my socks!!

Author's Response: Awesome!  i'm glad i made your day!  Hopefully you're better now, pneumonia or not.  Being sick sucks.  It makes for good whump, not good real life experience.  I had a lot of fun writing this one, and it's always great to hear that someone got something out of reading it.  Thanks!

Reviewer: MorganAdams Signed [Report This]
Date: October 26, 2008 11:23 pm Title: Chapter 4

What a great job!!!! The swinging back and forth between Shawn and Gus in the middle of this chapter was VERY well done - it was great how they mirrored each other like that. You kept up your details so well - it had to be complicated. And the characters were all painted very accurately. Excellent episode!

And this was funny - poor Shawn - he's so sick he can't even banter properly: "How busy beaver like of you."  Shawn grimaced.  He was going to chalk that one up to the fever.

You deserve to be very proud of this!!



Author's Response:

I was really worried about that particular bit of scenes, because I was afraid it was going to come out awkward and strange, and I'm so, so glad to hear that people liked it.  I worked hard to make it seem like it should flow naturally, so the fact that you pointed it out as a good part absolutely makes my day.  And I had a lot of fun with the extra characters too, so Hooray! or people liking that as well :).

Hahahaha, I think I like making him sick and/or incoherent just so that I don't have to come up with good banter. Wahahahahaha, for cutting corners.  Thanks so much!

Reviewer: thinktink2 Signed [Report This]
Date: October 26, 2008 3:18 pm Title: Chapter 4

The harshest critique I have about this story is that it is too short, but stories that are well-written usually are, no matter if they're four chapters or 400.  Great stories and great writers always make you wish for one more. 

On a semi-related note from a previous review I left for your other story, you are right about fewer reviews being left for stories, and I am just as guilty of that as the next person.  Often I read wonderful stories but never bother to let the author know that. 

So, just trying to rectify that with this one! :)



Author's Response:

Heeeeeeeee *gleeful*  I love to get that critique.  It's so incredibly encouraging to hear that you wanted more--it's the exact same thing I think when I'm finishing up a really good book or story, so it's awesome to hear that about my own stuff.  Thank you thank you thank you!!

Oh man, I have absolutely no right to try and get anyone to post more reviews when I'm so terrible at it myself.  I just try and reply to the reviews I do get (and it's terrible that it took me so long to finish responding to these, and I am ashamed *shamed face*), so that people get something out of reviewing.  Reviews mean so much to authors, and i love letting know people how much they meant to me.  As always, thank you!

Reviewer: SydneyWoo Signed [Report This]
Date: October 25, 2008 11:13 pm Title: Chapter 4

Oh Henry - I feel the love!!!

First, I think I enjoyed the puking scene wayyy more than any normal person has a right to.

Second, is it sad that my first thought was not "oooh my poor Shawnie, let me huggle you" but

rather "i'm really glad those were dirty dishes"?

Third, THIS ROCKED!!!!!!

The Henry/SickShawn scenes were fantastically designed to melt my little fangirl heart. Honestly, I couldn't take too much more without turning into a puddle of joyous, quivering goo. It was sweet, but not over the top. Both men stayed true to form, making it oh-so-much-fun.

I adored the bffness that is Shawn and Gus. Even if Gus still kinda hates Shawn's guts right now (the ones that are not in Henry's sink), that little nudge in the back of Gus' brain that is linked to his friend 'knew' deep down inside that something wasn't quite right. The dueling conversations between them was fantastic. It had to be painful to write, but it flowed so easily I had no trouble at all hearing their voices in my head. That's quite an accomplishment as there are many voices in my head vying for attention.

Also masterfully done were the parallel scenes between Shawn at the police station and Gus in his last interview. The way they transitioned so smoothly back and forth in a literary Dueling Banjos *insert Deliverance joke here*. The transitions were beautifully choreographed before culminating in that glorious (oy am I pathetic?) moment where Shawn passed out completely, proving once and for all that he really IS sick!

 

"But this is Jerry," Tom insisted.

"This is not Jerry!" Ogletree snapped.

One of the PAs turned to him. "I'm pretty sure this is Jerry."

"Okay, so anyways, I realized something," Shawn was trying to say.

"That's Shawn," another one said.

A couple of people started turning their gazes towards Gus now. "He is Jerry, isn't he?"

"Shawn!"

"He introduced himself as Dr. Gruber!"

"Maverick?" a woman asked plaintively from the door, sounding lost.

This section had me gasping for breath. I'm not worthy! It was just so...Psych, and yet vaguely reminicent of Abbot and Costello in its genius that I'm left speechless. I just kept reading that section over and over. Even now, the novelty of it has not worn off. This will be added to my list of things to read when I need a good laugh.

I do have one question that I'm a bit confused on. Its not a plot hole, really, rather an element not dwelled on perhaps because it was not central to the story. However, since it was not picked up later, I have to ask....what was the vaseline for? :)



Author's Response:

Who in the world suggested that any of us were normal people?  Hahahaha, I wrote it, enjoying myself the entire way, and I'm not sure if that makes me more or less of a disturbed individual than you.  Is it normal to enjoy writing the way someone pukes?  I SAY YES.  YES TO THE WEIRD NORMALITY OF IT ALL.

And HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ohhhh, you don't realize how similar we are, because I attempted to write him throwing up on clean dishes and I COULD.  NOT.  DO.  IT.  It was so incredibly wrong, so he lost it over a pile of dirty dishes.  Dirty dishes and the food scraps that end up down the drain are toxic anyways as soon as they hit the sink.

Oh good gracious, how I love good Shawn and Henry scenes.  I'm such a sucker for writing them, because they have this great bond that on the surface seems completely antagonistic, but then there's no denying the gooey center you find in both of them.  Oh, how it thrills me that others, too, turn into piles of goo at the thought.   You lot keep me justified in my actions.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, hating of the guts not in the sink.  The guts in the sink would probably make Gus sympathy-hurl. And CRAP so relieved that the scene switching back and forth worked, as well as the dueling dialogue (awesome alliteration, aye!).  I needed a way to create a scene that got all of these elements across, and my usual scenes seemed like they would be a really boring and lengthy way for that to come across.  SO super happy that it worked.  :D

See, it's all about harnessing the voices in your head.  I have psych characters, original characters, the supernatural boys, and Tom Paris all vying for attention in my head.  Sadly, Tom Paris does not often make it onto the page before he's whisked away by transporter.

Hahahaha, and everything good ends in something collapsing into a pile of boneless mush on the floor.

EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE ASLDFJLASDJFLASDJF ASDF VERYVERYVERY GLAD you liked that bit.  i spent the entire fic working my way towards a scene where suddenly everyone was in a room together, realizing that Shawn wasn't exactly who the person next to them thought he was.   AND AAAAA! so not worthy of the Abbot and Costello compliment, but thank you so so much. Hahahaha, I sound like Miss America now.  I'll bow out before i start wishing for World Peace.

Oh, and I'm sorry about the plot hole.  Dreadful oversight of mine.  Actually, this is because my dad has a first aid "kit," and I use the quotes because the thing is an empty bandaid container with tweezers, and a needle shoved into an old vaseline tube.  It was the ultimate kit for digging out splinters HOORAY.

*bows out*  *wishes for World Peace*

Reviewer: Psychmobile Signed [Report This]
Date: October 25, 2008 2:40 pm Title: Chapter 4

I am such a sucker for Shawn whumpage. I just want to hug him. I did like how Henry's parental instincts took hold when Shawn came in sick. Good Shawn and Henry interaction always makes me happy, and you did a wonderful job with it.

"Congratulations," he finally said.  "You're dead."
Loved that line, I was cracking up when I read that.

I love this. See last time I should have been studying for a History exam, this time I should be finishing up my Sociology project =)

Amazing job!



Author's Response:

Oh good gracious, me too, and I can't stress how much.  I couldn't write an episodic pysch episode without making Shawn miserable in some capactity.  And Henry is such a great vehicle for h/c, because he doesn't get too mushy but he definitely has that Dad-needs-to-take-care-of-his-kid vibe going on.

Hahahahahahaha, I love to hear I manage to distract people from important assignments.  There's nothing like perpetuating procrastination.  I'm such a detriment to society, but I'm always glad to hear people appreciate it :).  Thanks so much!

Reviewer: dragonnan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: October 25, 2008 11:17 am Title: Chapter 4

Holy wow!  How to even attempt an adequate response to this amazing finale?  I suppose, for starters, I’ll list out all the parts that made me laugh my butt completely to the floor!

 

--He'd darted forward, thigh banging with a gimp-causing thwack off a chair he'd actually misjudged the distance to, and reached the sink just soon enough to puke all over his dad's dirty dishes.--

--Henry didn't react, just continued looking at the thermometer for a second.  "Congratulations," he finally said.  "You're dead."

Shawn pulled the thermometer from his grip.  "Let me see," he demanded, already staring at it.  76.5 degrees Fahrenheit blinked up at him.  "I thought I felt chilly."--

--"You--" Shawn started, taking the thermometer out of his mouth, but the ring of his cell phone cut him off, which was fine as he'd really had nowhere to go with that but "You suck."—

--"You took my car, didn't you?" Gus repeated, tone a little harder.

"It's called the Pyschmobile, isn't it?"

He could imagine the scowl on Gus's face.  "
You call it the Pyschmobile."

Shawn thought about that for a moment.  "And
I'm the one who borrowed it.  It all fits together so nicely."--

--Ice Cold Vanilla was wearing an expression like someone had killed her grandmother before she could— 

--"But this is Jerry," Tom insisted.

"This is not Jerry!" Ogletree snapped.

One of the PAs turned to him.  "I'm pretty sure this is Jerry."

"Okay, so anyways, I realized something," Shawn was trying to say.

"That's Shawn," another one said.

A couple of people started turning their gazes towards Gus now.  "He is Jerry, isn't he?"

"Shawn!"

"He introduced himself as Dr. Gruber!"

"Maverick?" a woman asked plaintively from the door, sounding lost.—
 

 

And basically the entire flashback exchange at the end had me rolling!  And I love how you brought back the spit story- explaining why they were doing that to begin with.  The fact that they were bonding with saliva is too perfect  in a very slimy and gross way lol! 

 

There were so many things that made me aww as well!  Of COURSE I was a gooey mess during the whole dad part at the beginning!  Poor Shawn is desperately sick and nursemaid Spencer isn’t letting his boy go anywhere in that condition.  I love the little tender moments you included like holding his forehead and massaging the back of his neck. Just thinking about it puts warm goodness in my belly! 

 

Flet you bad bad boy with the terrible name!  You did spectacular work with the suspects- I had several people I was eyeballing, but I just had no idea who was really behind it.  I love that Flet went with the Scooby Doo reference as well- and that Shawn was too far gone to catch it!   

 

The relationship between Shawn and Gus was handled so well!  You showed their brother aspect both in the way they worry for one another as well as how they can piss each other off.  I love that moment where Gus was willing to walk out on an interview because he suddenly realized Shawn really was sick- and sick bad!  And on Shawn’s side- he’s so focused on figuring out this case- sickness is merely an annoyance and a distraction save where it can be used as a tool… until suddenly it isn’t just an annoyance and a distraction.  And yet, even after passing out and half dying in the station, he still solves the case… in a lopsided and droopy manner :D 

 

I want to also give you credit for the spectacular scene cuts between Shawn at the station and Gus at work.  They were so well handled, and the tie-ins with the themes at the beginning and end of each worked extremely well!  And that one break—sleep, finally—was powerful in a simple way.  It just really struck me. 

 

So yeah, weasel threats aside, you really nailed an awesome episode!!



Author's Response:

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There is really no good way for me to properly respond to the epic awesomeness of this post.  I've already been sitting here for a good 15 minutes, gloating over the thing with an enormous grin in my face.  I was worried that this last chapter was going to suck and people were going to be disappointed--not hate-filled, but just disappointed by how everything turned out.  So all these comments just make my heart go WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! and you've convinced me, with your quoting, that I occasionally manage to be funny.

Oh MAN how I adored writing that Henry and Shawn scene--originally I was going to keep thumping Shawn over the head and have not even his dad really notice how sick he was, and then I was thinking about the logistics of that character-wise and I realized that there was no way Henry would miss it.  Absolutely none.  So I went with the out and out puking, to work up some of that Spencer charm.  Henry is such a great mix of hard-assery and caring father, so that you can't really split one character point from the other.

Hahahahaha I tried to fit in clues as to who the suspect was, but I was probably overly subtle, which still makes me feel clever while it's really mostly just mean.  I wanted it to be something someone could figure out, but I was probably too afraid of actually giving it away to allow people the means of figuring it out :).  Oh, and Flet, the foolish boy, was kind enough to explain what he'd been thinking at the end so that I didn't have to figure out how to catch him in the act.  I'm chalking it up as a character point and moving on.

I <3 Shawn and Gus bffness like whoas.  It really is like brothers, and it was fun pitting them against each other in this case--Gus angry, Shawn making him angrier and not sure why.  Too much fanfiction fun, I fear (ah!  Altogether alliterative!).  And I think Shawn almost always ends up in a lopsided and droopy manner in my stories.  Could I paint my whump tendencies/preferences more clearly, I wonder? :]

And finally, at this point I'm not precisely certain who's getting beaten by the stoats and who's doing the beating, but I could take either quite happily.  Hearing that you liked how the scene breaks worked is really, ultra, super, awesome fantastic, because I was incredibly paranoid about the split scene sequence.  It was the only way to get through the bits I needed to lead into the end without having to write huge, largely boring scenes, and I ended up hating how it looked on the page.  I was afraid of getting lambasted, and even more afraid that maybe I deserved it for writing such an ugly looking bit of fiction and trying to fit it into my VS.  Hooray!  For my fears are at rest!  You are made of awesome win, and I shall swoop down upon, rodents in hand, to carry you off as my bride.  Know that I will bear your children, and bear them gladly!

*dashes out, twirling her moustache, and leaves you with that disturbing visual*

Reviewer: patster Signed [Report This]
Date: October 25, 2008 10:00 am Title: Chapter 4

Henry didn't react, just continued looking at the thermometer for a second.  "Congratulations," he finally said.  "You're dead."

Shawn pulled the thermometer from his grip.  "Let me see," he demanded, already staring at it.  76.5 degrees Fahrenheit blinked up at him.  "I thought I felt chilly."

*giggle*

I love how near the end Gus and Shawn's stories sort of tied in together. I also loved Shawn puking, but that's weird to say. :)

 



Author's Response:

Hahahahahahah, you know it's a lot less weird than you'd think to admit that you loved Shawn puking.  Fortunately, we're a fanfiction site which pretty much makes us a support group for that sort of thing.  You'll find the puke-loving people over in a corner on the third page with MusicalLuna as president of the club.  I'm associated in a less official capacity, though I occasionally do act as treasurer, lightening the coffers because they really shouldn't be so heavy.

I'm glad tying Gus and Shawn's stories together worked :).  In theory it sounded great, but I wasn't sure if it was going to work as a practical application.  I'm so glad you guys seem to think it did!  Thanks so much for all the great reviews!



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