Reviewer: Nita Anonymous [Report This]
Date: June 17, 2016 9:16 am Title: Chapter 11: Calling Your Attention, Like A Siren

Please tell me you're continuing this fabulous story.

Author's Response:

Thanks for your review, Nita! I definitely am working my way back to this story; next chapter is in the making, and will hopefully—after a few story deadlines—be updated before too long. :) Thanks for reading! :)



Reviewer: Androuska Anonymous [Report This]
Date: May 02, 2016 11:32 am Title: Chapter 11: Calling Your Attention, Like A Siren

Boy, this story is interesting! I can't wait to read next chapter. It is compelling! I can,t wait to see if Shawn opens up and to whom. I have a feeling that Lassiter, Juliet and Shawn will need each other to get through it.

Author's Response:

Thanks so much for your review!!! So happy you are enjoing the story so far—and want more! :D Very awesome! Love your insights—and I think you are so right! :) As for Shawn, well, all I will say is he's finally among those he can trust and will help him if they can. Thanks again!



Reviewer: Unobtrusivescribe Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: February 17, 2016 8:16 pm Title: Chapter 11: Calling Your Attention, Like A Siren

I really like where it's going. I can't wait to see how Shawn starts to open up and when Lassiter decides to return.

Author's Response:

*Squuuueeeee!* First review of the latest chapter!!! :D Thank you so much for your review!!! Love to hear your thoughts—glad you're enjoying the story so far. :D Poor Shawn, he's really been through a hell of a different sort, but now that he's among the people who care about him, I feel he'll want to share all of his pain. Eventually. ;) As for Lassiter, it might get complicated. ;) Thanks so much again for reading!!! *glee* :D



Reviewer: dragonnan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: February 02, 2014 2:05 am Title: Chapter 10: Don't Come Around, I Got My Own Hell To Raise

Gus would have said he was on edge, nervous and fearful—either that Shawn would not talk or that he would. Still, he took the scenic route, gritting his teeth at how much gas he was wasting doing so, just so he could spend a little more time with Shawn while it was just the two of them.

This moment breaks my heart from the get go. The friendship of Shawn and Gus literally saves their lives. Without it they both are broken creatures who no longer understand how to function. It destroys me to see them apart – and yet – there is such and ache seeing them together like this – so in pain and not knowing how to repair what they had.

He answered it with a certainty he hadn't felt in months, not since the last time he'd taken a good look at that hat pin—proof of crimes, a killer's as well as his own. "I'll stay." Then, because it felt good to say it and feel the rush of hope he'd felt while looking at the Psych office, Shawn added, "Gus."

When Gus answered, he was still choked up. "You will? You really will?" A few tears slid from his eyes in long streaks. He wiped at them with the back of his hand. "That's great, Shawn."

Aaand now actively crying right along with Gus – GUUUUH it hurts in such a panging way!!! But what does me in most is the way Shawn, even now, is able to aggravate Gus. That he can do that, still... It seals that their friendship is still solid. They can still battle, even in tiny ways, and not fear losing one another and THAT is truly how friendships are strong. They won't abandon one another for ANYTHING!

But this didn't matter, it was graffiti on a overpass—or was that saying water under the bridge? Well, he'd heard it both ways.

I love that!! I adore Shawn's version of the phrase, it is too damn perfect!!

Oh good gracious the dream!!! The description is aching in that it is SO very much in the way of dreams – a ghost of internal thoughts or pain. And something with no clear beginning or end but a hazy skim of ache that surges up from the water only to sink again. And the way you reflect that back to Gus begging Shawn to stay, and Shawn immediately saying yes... Not only a reflection of Shawn's need for that closeness again but also Shawn's lack of a grudge. He isn't angry – he's lost and afraid and traumatized. And he needs his family.

"No, no, no, no, no, not yet," Shawn pleaded. "Too many questions, too many questions, too many questions, too many variables."

Without thinking, Gus slammed on the brakes. His heart had begun to slam against his chest; Shawn, whom had just seemed properly himself, was too quickly changing back into the man who spoke too softly and answered questions with single words or cryptic declarations. A car horn shook them, and Gus took his foot off the brake.

This part, actually, is scary to me. The part where you're talking to someone and think you know their mind only to have that person slip into a different “them”. They are an other version of themselves – one where you can't touch against their thoughts as you've grown used to. There is no finishing of sentences because there's a glitch in mindset. A cog is off the tracks and that changes everything to an out of sync stranger. Just that one cog, but suddenly you don't know them anymore.

No no no no, Shawn! Not Jules! Not right now!

If there was a way to forget . . . a way without mind-altering drugs, or a serious head injury, or time travel . . .

Oh Lassie!! Haha! It's funny but at the same time, very agonizing! Because the deeper part of this is the scream of yearning to escape everything he'd suffered – to go back to everything he'd known about himself and never have to have met that evil bastard who'd cut him down to pieces and left him in the dirt to rebuild into this half-formed mystery. He's seeking Saul's past but he's also looking for himself. To see if he even still exists.

I really really REALLY like the confrontation with that drunk sod Lassie is staring down! Everything is so gritty and dark and hard, like a scene from Tombstone. It wraps around Carlton like he belongs there – Dirty Harry with a cigar between his teeth asking if the punk feels lucky.

Guuuh, and the WHOLE descriptive phrased on Carlton's freeze at the glint of light across the blade – it feels so organic how you flow the words towards that reveal of his fear – the way is skips upward more and more as he tries to get back to his trusted instincts.

And I want to cry!! The way Lassiter manages to confess about the knife to O'Hara! And that it gives her a moment to soften her edges. That they can be PARTNERS even though there is so much between them and not just in miles. It's so reflective of the earlier part of the chapter where Shawn reconnects with Gus and it's so natural and right! But especially I'm so interested in the fact that both Carlton and Shawn feel the desperation to reach O'Hara – an urgency for her to fix them in some way.

ADFSGDHJKHHGFXCVBNMJGHJVNC!!!! JULEEES!!!!! GIVE IT ALL!!! Oh gosh, my brain is screaming at that raging lecture!! And damn, poor Shawn caught right in the middle of it!!

he remained silent as she swore at him, ranted the splinters she must have been carrying around with her for a long time in her small body into his like javelins, piercing the roof of his car, trapping him in place. He was going to need the jaws of life to get out of here

Holy f**k on a cheese platter!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! OMJ these descriptions are gold!!

"I was just talking to Carlton—our conversation was heated, and it just got out of control,"

No shit! Damn!! *dies all over again*

Guh, and Gus defending Shawn freaking melts my soul!!! It's so wonderful and precious and I love them so much!!

Just like that, it seemed, their momentarily reconnection was literally broken. Shawn caught Gus' eye, and half stood up. "I wanna go," he said.

Gus got up right away and went to him. "Right now, Shawn?" he asked gently, ignoring Juliet completely.

"I want go to my dad's house," Shawn replied softly, "isn't it funny?"

There is SO much pain in this! And I ache for Shawn right down to my toes!! And I ache for Juliet too, and Gus! They are all fragile in different ways.

It was me. I did it. I made him a ghost.

THIIIIIIIIS!!!!!! Oh wow what a giant knife through the belly!! DAMN this is amazing!!! LOVE that while we are seeing Lassiter and Shawn's stories, this is still, also, so VERY much about Juliet too. This is sorta her realization chapter and it is gut wrenching and beautiful and brilliantly put together! You ALWAYS stun me with your workmanship with writing and, to go old school with my analogy, it was like honeyed mead to read this! I am so looking forward to the next update!

Reviewer: dragonnan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 24, 2014 3:02 pm Title: Chapter 9: You're A Stranger To Me, You're A Danger To Me

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Straight off the bat, I love that you begin this from Henry's perspective. He is able to provide the outsider's viewpoint about how vastly things have changed from the known to the terrifying and bizarre. He thought he had all of these people safely categorized and recognizable. And now, after the events of the previous story, all of his categories have been smashed and bled together. Everything a muddle of unexpected reactions and shifted personality traits. The undertone of this all being the desperation for things to go back the way they were.

Shawn was no stranger to witnessing suspects get shot; he'd been at close proximity at least twice, to Henry's knowledge, when suspects were wounded by SBPD fired shots. But . . . he had never seen anyone shot to death right before his eyes.

Shot to death by . . . Detective O'Hara, no less.

EEEEEE!!! And now I'm immediately thinking of Santabarbaratown 2 and having the end of the episode play out EXACTLY like this!! I love it when fantasy becomes fantasy/reality – or rather, fanfic becomes episode canon lol! I can't articulate it in a perfect way, but it speaks to me on a grand and synchronous level how a story idea can find itself reflected by the series writers. It's like this beautiful moment where you realize you are equal to those you admire.

I also just really love any moment where we are granted access to Henry's thoughts. He is so black and white and yet, there are those quirks too. Those moments where we see his passion of life and love. And his calculating nature as well. His mastery at manipulation. So much of Shawn is from his father no matter how much they both would deny it. They both arrive at the same place – one with stern rules of action and the other with play and silly antics. But they both rely on the same core. So, for Henry to suddenly not know his son's thoughts and emotions... I mean, it isn't new that Henry would misread his kid – on some level – but I think Henry has always “basically” understood Shawn. But now he no longer knows where Shawn's head is at and it frightens him. There is a father's intuition at play here and there is a terror he isn't yet acknowledging. And his fears affect the way we read the story because they seep into our chests. That foreboding.

And GUUUH! The way you start out the second segment with Juliet's haunted thought! And a HELL of a thing to weigh on her besides! And then it slides into that extremely disturbing yet understandable reaction of her pleasure at having eliminated Saul in such an amazingly easy way. With the idea that one does not defeat monsters with butter knives. And yet, there is that equating a single bullet to being a powerless force. But it worked anyhow. It was all that was needed. A tiny drop of metal to execute that vicious beast. And I can feel the creeping despair about that as well. It SHOULD have been harder – otherwise how could that beast – such an easily killed thing – have maintained such a hold on her strong partner? How could it have hurt Carlton so badly and caused such destruction... only to be defeated by a tiny bit of metal?

I adore the bit with Aiyana. Very appropriate given the weaving dreamy aspect to Carlton's memories of Saul and all that he'd endured. Okay – association time without knowing whether or not you're familiar with the source. This heavily reminds me of the anime series “Cowboy Bebop”. The main character, Spike, has a history of violence attached to his past. Without going too deeply into it, he “died” from his old life and started over as a bounty hunter. But in the first (or second) episode of the series, he speaks with an old Native man who gives him a cryptic message about Spike's future. It's disquieting and yet so perfectly woven into the series as well. And that is how this moment feels. So perfectly there and essential to the mythology of the story.

And, adding to this all – I love that we're getting the insider's peek into the minds of all these characters. And all of those peeks are so vital to the woven tapestry of what's happening to them all. What I really find fascinating is how, though we can see their thoughts, the characters themselves are confused about their own mindsets. Or in denial. But in any event, they don't fully grasp why they think what they think or do what they do. And they are all a mixed bag of anguish with old terror, pain, guilt, shame, grief, and rage.

They all really need a giant hug lol!

And, again, I LOVE your descriptions! she only appeared older than she was supposed to look—dark circles, hair pulled back too severely, her petite mouth fixed in a line. Her lipstick had worn off. Understated yet giving the perfect picture of a tormented O'Hara at her desk. The description alone creating her state of mind – her anxiety – with the dark circles and worn off lipstick. Especially if we remember how put together Juliet typically is.

And I really love the mention of Gus and his emotions about losing touch with Shawn. A reminder that all of the partners are suffering from being cut off from one another. Not just but proximity, but by trauma as well. They no longer fit like tight little puzzle pieces but, rather, are like worn down pieces that have been banged around and chewed on until the ragged parts no longer hold together.

Shawn clenched his teeth, tasting something in what he smelled, but he couldn't be sure if he felt hungry or deceived.

This liiiiine!!!! This line just.... AFSGDHFJGHK.KJHGFDFHFD!! I can't explain why but it tickles my heart in the most delighted way!! Like seeing a video of a puppy tripping over its feet and being confounded by the betrayal of its limbs lol!! I JUST CAAAN'T!!! *sobs*

For the first time in a while, Gus filled his mind without bringing him sorrow or anger. Maybe the Psych office was proof enough that Gus hadn't lost hope. Hadn't lost hope in him.

This builds up so much sadness in me! That there is this hated distance between the two of them and all the suffering they have without the support of their friendship. And there is, though, that smidge of hope. The suggestion that Shawn is able to see enough outside of his own head to know that his actions are hurtful to Gus. And maybe, to the bigger picture of his friends and loved ones. Maybe he can even find a way to realize he can't heal alone. And that they can't heal either, with his absence. They all need one another.

Guuuuh, Gus found him!!!! But oh now it hurts so much!! And Shawn's reaction to Gus is so frightening! He's such a lost soul and so traumatized!! And that moment, where he wonders if the killer let him live so he could be hurt for far longer... It's so agonizing because the other aspect to that thought is to wonder if Shawn regrets that he'd lived?

Then, Shawn's though process once inside the car. It's like rusted gears being forced to turn without oil. He knows there's a way he's supposed to function but he can't grasp hold of it. He's not even to the point of struggling for it. He's existing with charred and nonsensical replies. He lets out words as they form but he's no longer the force behind them.

Guuuuh, I feel filled with so much ache!!!

Reviewer: Miah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 08, 2014 12:19 am Title: Chapter 1: Will We Burn In Heaven Like We Do Down Here?


I was really beginning to think this story was done for--abandoned to Real Life. I still drop by now and then to check in on it. I had pretty good timing this time.

I think I am going to go back and read again from the very beginning to refresh before making very many serious comments. I only have real story related comment for now. I was glad to see one particular part of Shawn's perspective. The only thing that niggled at me in the first story was his having called that tip in the way he did. He seemed a bit off on that (for an average time. He was being pretty sloppy around the time his dad was hired back on the force, so not unprecedented, but it seemed a bit unusual to me at the time that I originally read it.) I was pretty confident that it would eventually be brought up in the sequel, and here it was. He had a plan, not a particularly good one, but that is the perfect kind of plan for him.

Anyway, it made my day to see this update. I'll keep checking for the next one.

Reviewer: PeterPanic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 30, 2012 12:44 pm Title: Chapter 1: Will We Burn In Heaven Like We Do Down Here?

Perfect psychological drama. You do it so well. First class writing. The subtlety burns slowly. It smolders and then flares, before calming into eerie unease.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your awesome review!!! I am still stunned and sort of speechless over your lovely and elegantly and perfectly stated insights—WOW. WOW. You've perfectly described the atmosphere I wanted to create with sublime effortlessness. So I'm going to say thank you again, like a million times over. :D Also, lots of *BLUSHING*



Reviewer: dragonnan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 29, 2012 5:08 am Title: Chapter 8: Nothing Is Done Without Effect


But he hadn't bled out, then—even his own soul remained intact, stuck to his ribs like good barbecue.

LOVE that line!! I feel it so strongly – can even sense the fibers of flesh caught in my teeth and the sweet hickory on my tongue. It has a visceral depth – layers of subtle inference. Barbecue – savory, delicious, sauce overlaying bones and lapped from flesh. The same texture as congealing blood – savored the same way by Saul when he “fed”. No, the comparison won't turn me off BBQ but certainly it settles like an ill swag at the bottom of my stomach. Every time I read your writings I'm inspired to attempt elevating my own descriptions. Even in something like a chapter review, haha! XD

She'd been . . . protecting him for a very long time, and he hadn't even acknowledged it. Memories careened through him; he had "conjured" her up like some goddamned security net, needing her to "take" the blows for him.

I love love love Carlton's thoughts about Juliet as his protector – the whole idea of her fitting that role. And it suits her amazingly well. She truly is a mama grizzly when it comes to her partner – evidenced to how she acted in “Lassie Did a Bad Thing”. I also think you did a wonderful job showing that it isn't her femininity that has Lassiter feeling strong emotions at her “presence”, but more his sense that he doesn't deserve her.

Strangely, he had guilt; he guessed this came from his (somewhat conscious) acts of self sabotage. Sometimes it was easier to punish himself about the ordeal rather than work to sort out how he was supposed to feel now—not just feel but behave. He just hadn't felt like himself in a very long time.

You've grasped so beautifully the complexity of emotional/physical/psychological trauma. I deeply appreciate that you don't ever try to skim past these things but instead, bask in them. We feel out the contours of pain through all its variations and get a true picture of what drives these characters. And we have the advantage of a bird's eye view to get what's happening with them far better than they themselves could understand. They wallow in doubts and confusion while we sit by, desperately hoping for them to make the connections we've already seen. These are characters already beloved, yet you recreate them so realistically it's as if we are meeting them as brand new, yet deeply familiar all the same. And we ache for them.

Words, a flow of them or even just a few pressed upon the endless space before him, no longer did it for him. He could no longer talk himself out of it, or into it. In fact, when the rare occasion arose for him to talk through what he could see unfold as clearly as he wanted in his head, Shawn heard himself stutter, heard his own words twist and morph on his tongue.

Sometimes this, more than anything else previous, frightened him the most.

YES! Shawn is nothing without his ability to communicate – in whatever fashion that happens to be. To lose that – to lose his voice in this sense is tantamount to an artist struck blind. Worse, though, in that an artist can express in other ways whereas for Shawn, this would be a loss of his self. His identity – persona – is being stripped of him bits at a time. And it isn't that it's a malady wrapped up only within his psyche – but is instead, tied up in the reactions of those closest to him. Who is Shawn when Gus has been taken away from him? When Juliet, as far as he's concerned, seems to despise him? When Lassiter is no longer a viable target for teasing or even, in their close/distant way, a friend? And his father... his father who gave him a roof and three meals a day, yet allowed him to sink into invisibility... and never attempted to stretch out his hand to clasp his fingertips before the water closed over him.

I'm, as I pointed out before, achingly excited to see what will happen next! I know you – and I know that while the primary big bad in this story is a ghost, it doesn't mean there isn't danger waiting.

You are a master of keeping people on toe tips!

Reviewer: Miah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 29, 2012 2:03 am Title: Chapter 8: Nothing Is Done Without Effect

Wow. I checked the lists, and saw this was updated. I was so excited to get the next chapter!

I've never commented before, but I've been following along since a few months before the prequel was finished. I have very rarely found any stories published or fanfic that pull me into the character's emotions so deeply as these. There are so many stories that involve terrible things happening to characters and then make a half-hearted attempt at angst, so that it becomes a comical wangst.  I've never felt that with these.

In this chapter I was a little confused by Shawn's first section. I am seeing that over the course of the story he is coming unraveled. His thoughts are becoming more and more stream of consciousness. Almost schizophrenic (in the proper psychiatric usage of the word, not the generic he's cra-azy! usage) in the way he is free associating. So I can see that his thoughts are meant to be jumbled, increasingly incoherent and associative, but at the end of the section I wasn't able to figure out which of his thoughts were in the present. Was he on his bike and thinking about driving off somewhere (for his and other's safety I really hope he isn't driving in this state, but that's something for the plot, not a quibble), or was he somewhere thinking about the entire sequence with the last line referring to an earlier time?  

Wherever Shawn actually was with the motorcycle, you've got me seriously worried about him. I'm glad the others are finally getting together in looking for him.

Now Lassiter. I was concerned for him before with his feeling that Saul is with him all the time, but I still had hope that this trip would help him get rid of Saul. Instead he's hallucinating both Saul and Juliet! And he's considering running away. It's ironic that he would consider running away when Shawn has stayed put, but I don't have any real doubts that he'll return. I had been wondering, a lot, why none of the other officers knew about Shawn being there with Lassiter before he went for help at the station. This explains that sensibly. He wasn't sure what he saw, so he hadn't shared it. He's on the trail now, though. I'm not sure it would be good for Shawn's well being, but perhaps Lassiter will turn some of his focus away from Saul to solve that aspect of it. Any attention Lassiter turns away from Saul is a good thing for him.

 I don't know how much more of this any of them can take, even the characters that are more on the side. Jules is coming apart at the seams herself. Gus and Henry are a bit better off, but only because they haven't been on the ride until recently.

Anyway, I really like these stories. I hope to see more soon, but I know it takes time to craft this kind of quality, so you can count on me checking the update lists sometime soon whenever the next one is posted.



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your super awesome review and insights! I'm so grateful you shared your thoughts with me with this chapter! :D Glad to know you've been reading along from the beginning of this entire "tale", as it were. :) I am truly blown away by your comments, thank you so much for being so sweet to say those kind things! *MAJOR BLUSHING* I'm glad the angst comes across as heartfelt; many of my stories draw from instances and experiences of my own life, so the angst is all based in reality. *blush*

I can see how the section with Shawn and the motorcycle could be confusing. My initial thoughts for this part were that it's set in the present and Shawn is standing next to the motorcycle and looking out at the road where everyone else is going about their usual business, there's a steady flow of traffic, and while Shawn wants to be a part of it, he can't help but think of the last time he rode his motorcycle. And those thoughts wind back into the past and then slowly back to the present, where he loses the confidence to get back onto his bike because he's still too out of sorts mentally. I definitely think I should work on clarity when it comes to these, because I know I get into this rather frequently with all of the characters, when they start thinking too much about the past to focus too much on what's going on or what they are doing in the present. So to answer another of your questions (hopefully that first part made sense), Shawn's definitely not driving. If he goes anywhere, he walks. The part with the bike was an attempt to show progress—Shawn's not just hiding out indoors anymore, having crazy dreams and thinking wild thoughts and "hallucinating" constantly. I guess my attempt was not as successful as I hoped. XD That's okay, I'll work on it for next chapter. :) 

And Lassiter! That sequence I was intending to save for later chapters, after he'd been in New Mexico for a few days, but the more I worked the chapter the more it seemed to fit in. I definitely agree with you, I'm very worried about him too! ;) In a way, his odyssey to healing/closure is just beginning (and the earlier chapters were a prelude) but he doesn't know that yet (and of course Juliet can't know that yet either). Glad the explanation for why Shawn's presence went "unknown" made sense. I really did have a plan for it for revealing it. :) There will be more about it later on too. ;)

I love that you are worried about the characters and wonder how more they can take before they all break apart. I guess I'm teasing the question, exploring it in a "real life" sense (sort of). The good part about this is, up until now, all they've all been pretty isolated, trying to deal with their own issues on their alone. (Or, maybe, in the case of Juliet and Lassiter, protecting themselves from their own problems to try to help someone else.) But now it's time to start getting Team Psych back together. 

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you a billion times over!!!!! Thanks for your awesome words and insights and your tireless reading devotion!!! I am so appreciative, more than I can ever express. :D 




Reviewer: Methusela Honeysuckle Signed starstarstarstarhalf star [Report This]
Date: September 11, 2011 2:54 pm Title: Chapter 1: Will We Burn In Heaven Like We Do Down Here?

YAY!!!! OMG when I saw the title to this the first thing I thought of was the Buffy Musical Episode, and wondered if that's what it was from... and sure enough right there at the top, there it was!!! :D
OMG!! this was good, I liked it. :)
Great job. :)

Author's Response:

Thanks for your review, glad to hear you enjoyed the story! And yes, the title was inspired by BTVS's "Once More With Feeling"—it seemed apropos for the what all the characters are going through. :) Thanks again!



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