Date: June 02, 2017 8:44 pm Title: Chapter 2: . . . Or Would It Be A Purgatory?
Your writing is really good and the way you get into character's heads is amazing. That being said, the way you've broken up the dialogue with thoughts and feelings distracts from the story and slows down the plot. I think you should let their words say more than your words do, if that makes any sense . . . It just flows better when the speech isn't as separated.
Hi, thanks for your review! I appreicate you taking the time to tell me your thoughts, give your praise and your critiques. I'm glad you've enjoyed getting into the characters' heads—I have to say this is definitely a process I'm drawn to, finding out what a character is thinking and what motivates/drives his/her actions as a result. I want to say I appreicate your critique about feeling distracted, however, my writing style is my own; every writer out there has a their own unique way of doing things. Part of the way I'm telling the story is to be an ominpresent narrator, while also allowing the characters to suss out each other, each others' feelings (both men, in my opinion, have miles to go working on these, in all aspects of his own life), and to work out some of their issues as they make their way along. Thus, there can't and won't be dialogue all the time. I'm thinking that other writings (books, fics, etc.) you usually like/read/go to keep the characters' thoughts out of the business of the narrative. Those kinds of works always feel lacking to me because I want to know thoughts, maybe even extensively. So, if this changes the flow of my plot/narrative, so be it. I'm telling the story that I want to tell.
Date: December 14, 2014 4:53 pm Title: Chapter 11: Some Say We Live On A Wing And A Prayer
So sorry for how long it took to get you this review, but here it tis!!
The way you started this chapter is perfect – a great way to remind that whatever else is happening – this is more Lassiter's story than anyone else. You have a tremendous ability to keep a story focused even when you're keeping control of many plot threads.
And oh gracious, the squabble between Henry and Lassie is like a darker and more bitter version of a Gus/ Shawn spat hahaha!! With all the wonderful childish overtones! *diiiiies*
I also adore the way the argument turns into something like parent and child. You have always managed to write these stunning scenes between Lassiter and Henry – going all the way back to “Ask For Another Day” and the protective manner Henry took with a traumatized Carlton. There is such depth of caring and tenderness and understanding in Henry's approach and it makes me yearn to have had more of that in the series – like a missed opportunity for grandness. Lassiter WAS the cop Henry had wanted as a son and this story sings with that undeveloped “what could have been” tone. That and their similarities with broken homes and divorce and the feelings of things wished for but never were to be – Henry with a son who threw away the cop's career Henry had wanted for him and Lassiter with the family that he never had but wanted so badly. I've used the analogy of puzzle pieces before and these two are like that. Puzzle pieces with parts missing.
"Screw backup," Lassiter muttered disbelievingly. "Were you ever really a cop, Spencer?"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! *dies forever* BEST FREAKING LINE!!
Lassiter's ongoing petulance is like sweet candy by the way, lol!
It's actually really eerie, that part where Lassiter is analyzing his thoughts about wishing himself away and the danger wrapped up in those thoughts. His realization of that danger is freaking suspenseful to me!
ALL OF THIS!!!
"Don't look at me like that," Lassiter said with a frown.
"Like you think I'm about to die. It's creepy."
Henry chuckled under his breath. "I can't believe you're telling me what's creepy. You, with your all planned out, whole end-of-the-world cannibalism and mating strategies."
"It's not creepy," Lassiter defended. "It's practical. You didn't make the list, by the way."
For the record, a character getting backhanded is possibly one of my most favorite of all things.
Also, Lassiter doing his best not to sneeze on the guy was priceless hahaha!!!
I LOVE the way you wrote the crazy old dude – his phrases and mannerisms were creepy as hell and super mysterious!! It immediately makes me want to know more about him and his motives!
Also, major major props for the masterful way you've written Lassiter's developing illness. It reads spot-on perfect and sounds utterly genuine – not the least overdone and exactly how I've remembered some of my more intense flues and/or colds.
GADHGJKGHFDGFSFHJDGSF!!! And then you LEAVE it there!!!! With my freaking heart pounding!!!
As always, I can't wait for what you have next!!
Date: June 07, 2014 2:21 am Title: Chapter 8: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't
I really love that Lassiter seems to be spending just as much time analyzing the Spencers as he does his own motivations.
“Spencer had a target on his back, either because he drew it himself with his antics or because anyone with bad intentions who knew him for five minutes would want him stopped for good.”
THAT line really made me laugh! Hahahaha!
If they were all a supposed team, Lassiter didn't have to like it. The important part was what they could do working together (or even working against each other until each half came to some compromise). He opened both eyes and made a curt nod in Henry's direction. If the two of them were makeshift partners (with power struggle clashes) again, Lassiter acknowledged and accepted it. He could be a team player, if he had no other options.
I get the warm fuzzies imagining Lassiter contemplating the “team”. That a part of him sees the reality of it. And this is such a major part of the series besides. That as mismatched and often “hostile” they are, Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, Juliet, Vick, and sometimes Henry are all a large team and have been practically from the start. They depend on one another's strengths.
The gagged Shawn part... guuuuuuh... I have an unapologetic love for gagged Shawn. He's so very dependent on his words to think and calm himself that it's especially cruel to rob him of that. I remember one of my favorite moments from Ask For Another Day – when Shawn was bound, gagged, and blindfolded. He was at his most utterly helpless with every possible resource of escape stripped from him. That vulnerability is aching to see yet it creates such and amazing drama too!
Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the usage of the “old man” nickname Henry gave Lassie in Shawn Takes a Shot. It's an adorable and weirdly affectionate moniker – especially in the way Henry uses it. It wasn't explored nearly enough in the series so I'm delightfully happy that you've continued to partner up Henry and Lassiter and allow this strange friendship to develop.
Date: May 06, 2014 12:34 pm Title: Chapter 8: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't
Hope that you update this again soon! Very intrigued! :)
Thanks for your review! Glad you're intrigued! It's taken a while, but I finally updated. Today! Happy reading and thanks again! :)
Date: December 22, 2013 1:30 am Title: Chapter 8: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't
This is excellent, please continue writing it...inquiring minds want to know, will they get to Shawn in time? will there be more Shawn whumpage? and will Gus ever check his messages? :)
Thanks so much for your awesome review! *Blush* Glad you love it so much so far! And I love your great questions! Can't tell you the answer to first one yet. ;) But to the second one, it's probable, for sure. And to the third—hmm. I think I might need to work that into the story, for sure. :) Thanks again!
Date: October 13, 2013 11:25 am Title: Chapter 8: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't
Wow, I'm an idiot lol!! I just reaiized I reviewed a chapter, again, that I'd already reviewed rather than the chapter you just uploaded! Oh well, I'm leaving it there and I'll review the new chapter too haha!!
LOL, no problem at all! I feel honored you wanted (even if accidentally) to review chapter 7 again, and I'm looking forward to responding to your latest, lovely insights on it. I hope you enjoy chapter 8 too; there was a sneak attack by Shawn while I was writing the chapter so he "made" himself have quite a few paragraphs. ;) Thank you!!!!
Date: October 13, 2013 11:22 am Title: Chapter 8: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't
Henry is in a tough position. Aware that Lassiter is pushing himself (in spite of feeling ill), yet he can't give the guy any sort of break because Shawn is in danger and they have to find him. As long as Lassie has the ability to move, Henry isn't going to cut him any slack.
Carlton bit back the snark he wanted to spew and forced his voice to be soft and low. "Care to clue me on your plans, Spencer? Like it or not, we're partners during this whole foolhardy hiking trek, at least for a couple more hours. Admit it, you need me. I'm another pair of eyes, another skill set, another brilliant mind—"
I love the way you write Lassiter's voice! He always sounds perfect and his irritation and seething indignation pour right out of the screen!
I also greatly appreciate your descriptions. There's a vivid reality to the surrounding forest – the dark trees and leaves above that allow sunlight to filter through – the sound of brush snapping and crunching softly under their heels. I can imagine their hands grasping tree trunks as they pull themselves along – Lassiter's heels slipping a little in the damp undergrowth. All of that is in my mind because the scenery is so much a part of this story.
"Backup?" Henry repeated, turning on him. The detective had planted his feet and was gazing unhelpfully at the sky, squinting at the bright light. "This is nature walk, not an official police investigation!" he shouted, startling a few nearby birds.
Guuh, and if you write Lassiter perfectly, you are just as perfect with Henry! Not only aggravation, but there is also fear in his response. In my head, I imagine him flinging out his arms from his sides – leaning forward a bit, like he does, when he's truly invested in a confrontation. I can see the expression on his face – how it gets stern and a bit flushed (usually when he's arguing with Shawn).
but what was most unpleasant, even slightly embarrassing, was the realization that his personal space had been compromised by the man who considered him incompetent, even sloppy, and worse, unreachable.
This makes me hurt so much for Lassiter! While many fics present him gruff and inhospitable – in control but awkward – you always go deeper. You get past the outer shell to the cogs and mechanisms that create the outer person that is the mask. You make Lassiter a deeply sympathetic person that is even relatable. And you do it without needing to stray from who Lassiter truly is in the series. Yes, THIS is actually canon Lassiter! He IS a guy who is desperate for that love and approval – but never would he admit to that. He wants so badly to be a part of the group – yet he has built this wall that keeps others at a specified distance. And yet, doing so makes him into something worse (in his own mind) - what he fears Henry sees him as. “Unreachable”. Because he doesn't WANT to be that way. But he feels he HAS to be. And it breaks my heart.
both Spencers had it in for him, no matter what—he was always going to be someone lesser to both.
ASFGDFHGJKLJHGFHJKJKHGFDGHJH!! This line hit me so hard!! It's just such a perfect clarity moment of Lassiter's turmoil! Whether he wants it or not, he has become a player in the Spencer life – wrapped up with them and always compared. Always coming up wanting. Whether the torture of his own mind or told that by others with cruel intentions, he feels he can never measure up. He can never be good enough. And yet it's the Spencers, as well as Juliet and Vick and even sometimes Gus, who are the ones to tell him how much worth he has! It's scary to wonder who he would be now, if none of those people had ever been in his life. (probably not the perfect cop with the German-esque futuristic police station with his mustache and Frau Vick) haha!
What Carlton had yelled in his face about the whole resting thing hadn't been far from the truth; but it still stung to have it thrown back at him by someone who saw and knew his motives so clearly. Sure, finding Shawn was a high priority, but Henry hadn't foreseen that Lassiter was ill enough to nosedive off the edge of the earth. Thinking back to his driveway, those long hours ago, Henry recalled how haggard Lassiter had looked, and then, on the drive to Los Padres, how Lassiter had slipped from feigned alertness into full on slumber.
Thank you Henry!!! I'm so happy to see full realization!! Though it doesn't, truly, change their circumstances, at least there's awareness! And I'm pleased that Henry is feeling remorse for his earlier thoughts and actions – and also reflecting some of Lassiter's inner thoughts by admitting that Shawn would have seen immediately what was going on. Damn, both of these guys think Shawn is better than them lol!
Another spectacular chapter!! I love the progression of this and, while Im dying to see what's happening with Shawn, I really appreciate the attention you're giving to Lassiter an Henry. This is still Lassiter's story and it's awesome that you're devoting a lot of time to his thoughts and motivations.
Date: October 13, 2013 6:15 am Title: Chapter 8: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't
Fantastic chapter (great ending which I hope will have an update quickly--very quickly!) Also a huge thank you for the part about Shawn--I have been hoping for so long that you would have a bit about Shawn and I hoping for more). Great piece of writing all around ;^)
Thank you so much, so happy loved this one! :D Very welcome for the Shawn inclusion—it's funny, when I first thought of including Shawn, I (wrongly) assumed I'd be satisfied with keeping his part small. But then yesterday I got inspired and wrote Shawn's part of the chapter, which inspired me to write the rest of the chapter and then update. :) (Good thing Shawn wants to hog some of the spotlight in a story where he's "mostly" a minor character LOL). So glad you enjoyed many parts of this update. (Hopefully I can get back to it asap too.) Thanks again!!! :D
Date: May 21, 2013 12:53 pm Title: Chapter 7: I Won't Play If It Means Losing To You
I love how you have this chapter starting out with Henry in a state of almost panic – so focused on finding Shawn that he's almost losing track of time. Especially love how you're tying this current scare to the time Shawn was shot, because they ARE such scary similar events.
In fact, for every one of these movies, he saw the resolution as simple—pull out your Glock and shoot.
Yes! Thank you!!
He knew that he was allowing this, in a way, not because he was incapable of keeping up, but because the old scars hurt. The old scars of their one-time informal partnership—as well as the ones Victoria had left all over his body, figuratively, of course. Carlton scoffed. He bet Spencer didn't even feel the scars at all—not from their last trek into the woods, and certainly not any his ex-wife had imparted upon him before she'd left.
Guuuh, this is all sorts of painful!! In the previous segment, I'd assumed that Lassiter was a ways behind because he was feeling sick and simply couldn't keep up (plus, this is Henry, who tends to barrel along at an unnaturally quick pace). But the truth is a more agonizing thing – that Lassiter doesn't want to get dragged up in the whirlwind of Henry's ferocity for a second time. And that he is still feeling the hurt, as well, that Victoria left behind. I love that you've used this moment to remind us the original reason Lassie had gone to see Henry in the first place – only to get caught up in another Spencer storm.
I'm fascinated that, while Shawn is the one in a life and death situation, this is still very much Lassiter's story. In fact, it's more like the Shawn situation is the incidental background – the B story – whereas Lassiter's divorce stuff is the primary tale. I love how you've written it that way because it's completely original and clever!
it was hard for him to guess that she was once a snake devil of an ex-wife.
“snake devil” ROFLOLOLOL!!!
I love the whole paragraph of Lassiter detailing why this case is not anything that a single individual could take on. That it would require the backing of the department along with other outside agencies. It really brings to light the full weight and responsibility of police work and WHY things sometimes take a while to put together. It's a brilliant reminder as to why Lassiter finds Shawn so aggravating. Because, though Shawn is extraordinary and can make connections that most cops might not see, he also acts irrationally and skips procedure thus putting himself, and family and cops, into danger because of it.
GUUUUH!! LOVE the way you've described Lassiter's vertigo! I could perfectly envision that weird flip of dizzy spinning – like you're perfectly fine while the world around you goes pear-shaped and then suddenly you're on the floor wondering how the hell that happened.
Lassiter was ready to growl right back at Henry to let him go when a wave of unwellness traveled through his innards.
“Wave of unwellness” is the best damn description I've read in a forever amount of time!! Oh gosh, I had laughter all through my brain hahaha!!!
He wasn't doing any good sitting here; and he had another ungrateful Spencer out there to rescue.
There's this heartbreaking element in that it's more than just “looking bad” in front of Henry. It's also that Lassiter can't bear disappointing him either. There's so much of this that strongly feels like a son trying to get approval from his father. And even in the series it's felt like that at times – like there's a sort of need to have that fatherly pride in what he does.
Really really great chapter!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for another very super awesome review!!! *is beyond thankful* *GIANT HUGS* :D
I have to confess I was inspired by a section from SydneyWoo's story "Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Snare" where Henry and Gus are "hiking" together, with Henry sort of barreling along so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice Gus limping behind him, trying to keep up. Plus also "STASITD", when there's nothing else on Henry's mind besides finding Shawn, so he barely notices his "new partner". I think it's hard for Henry to concede that he does, occasionally, need help, especially when the disasters are larger scale. Henry doesn't have a Gus like Shawn does, so maybe it's not as "easy" for him to accept help without thinking about it. Could have driven himself around in "STASITD" and maybe eventually discovered what Shawn's text meant? Maybe. But it was better (and faster) to have Lassiter there to bounce ideas off of and supply information about the highway that was under construction. So I feel like there are definite similarities here (plus, Lassiter is sort of the same way, except that he has Juliet to watch his back most of the time) and just want to explore them further. :) And Worried! Overprotective! Henry is just kind of fun to write. ;)
I'm so glad you like the paragraph about the "old scars" (they even seem to be clinging on as late as S5, "Feet Don't Kill Me Now", poor Lassiter!). It's definitely a subject Lassiter needs to "get off his chest" so to speak, both about his divorce and about their redux partnership. And Henry needs and even wants to apologize (in his own way), but it's a challenge for him not to focus so heavily on Shawn, whereabouts and safety unknown.
Shawn actually wasn't going to be in this story at all, not from my first outline. And this wasn't going to be an adventure-type story, just a one-shot conversation between the two of them . . . but Shawn really wanted to make trouble and be the focus and so, here we are. ;) But I'm glad "Shawn" was so insistent; this is is a great way to make both Henry and Lassiter face their anger and heal old wounds and maybe even understand each other a little better when it's all over.
I'm so glad you mentioned the scale of such an investigation and Shawn's knack for ignoring procedure. What you have said is such a perfect analysis of "not the cop" Shawn vs. "so the cop" Lassiter! I adore also your insights into Lassiter's behavior and this "it's also that Lassiter can't bear disappointing him either" is JUST THE MOST OMG SPOT ON! Lassiter is so torn: he wants Henry's help but Henry refuses to talk to him unless they go on this possibly foolish journey together. And yes, yes, yes, yes, what you have said about how it "feels like a son trying to get approval from his father". In some ways, I think Lassiter is a bit of a show off like Shawn, but (both) still respects Henry, from his cop instincts and skills to his judgment on every day things. In a way, I want to call back a little of their friendship from AFAD, but with much sharper edges. Now that Henry knows Lassiter isn't well, he's softening a little, knowing that it's up to him to make sure Lassiter is okay, which may (eventually) have a positive effect on their overall friendship/partnership/mutual (if not also begrudging) respect for each other.
THANK YOU AGAIN for sharing your awesomeness with me!!! So happy enjoyed this chapter!!! :D
Date: June 11, 2012 11:08 pm Title: Chapter 1: Get In And Set The SAT-NAV To Hell
Oi! Crawling in the desert, checking nearly daily for an update..... Hurry
Oh my goodness, you've been crawling in the desert for almost a year! *hopes an update and some desert magic and lots of water will help revive you* It's a longer chapter if that helps at all! :)