Date: September 29, 2011 6:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
I hope in the next chapter that I am interragate by the beanpole and his relatively young partner. "God, why is Tony Randall being so mean to me?"
Author's Response: I'll be hiring you to write the next section of this thing. ;p hahaha
Date: September 29, 2011 2:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
Even if you keep this as a one-shot I think it's totally brilliant! It's clean and perfect and I adore sitting on that side of the table - the way it's written putting the reader in the chair and making all these fresh observations about Shawn and Gus that somehow never registered in quite that way before. My super favorite parts are the "elbows almost touching" and the "gray-blue-brown-green eyes" because they really DO appear different depending on lighting and mood. I really really love seeing Shawn this way! Not as the guy we know but as someone we've just met and we're gathering impressions of. Gus as well. And what I find so VERY brilliant is Shawn instantly trusts, yet we don't trust him, whereas Gus doesn't trust, yet he has our complete faith. And they ARE that way with clients, which is an amazing insight.
I love this completely and would love to see more!
Goodness. In my excitement I pushed the delete button. Good thing it asks you if you're really sure.
Would you believe me if I said I wrote this in an hour while under the influence of more than two glasses of red wine? Light weight? Guilty. Darn little stories coming out of nowhere... There's no stopping the madness. Thank you thank you for the lovely review. <3
For you, there might be more.
Date: September 29, 2011 10:07 am Title: Chapter 1
Wow. Second Person Narrative is a hard, daring thing...but you've nailed it. I'll admit to skimming a little, but that doesn't mean that I don't like this. On the contrary, I think it's absolutely great. :) I'd love to see how you continue this!
BTW, my favorite part? The "beanpole lurking in the hallways" joke. So Shawn, so funny. ;)
Author's Response: So many people hate on the second person narrative. It's a fun thing to experiment with. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks!
Date: September 29, 2011 6:50 am Title: Chapter 1
Holy crap! This is one of the most original, well written pieces I've seen on this site. I've never read anything close to it and I truly LOVED every sentence. Your description of Shawn was ridiculously perfect (especially the running bit about the eyes). And then the description of the "package deal" with how Shawn and Gus interact was incredible. What an incredible, incredible story from a truly fresh perspective. LOVED IT!!!! Please do add more if you have it.
Author's Response: YAY I'm trilled that you liked it. <3 You all are convincing me to write more.
Date: September 29, 2011 2:12 am Title: Chapter 1
I totally love the different perspective! I talk with my best friend all the time that it would be so cool to get an episode like this because Shawn and Gus really are a strange phenomenon and just because we're used to them doesn't mean everyone else is. I would love to see more!
Author's Response: It was a joy writing from a new perspective, that's for sure. Thank you so much for the review!