Date: January 06, 2012 6:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
what is going on???? this is VERY confusing.....i have no idea wha i just read...
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 1:03 pm Title: Chapter 7
Though the story was confusing sometimes, I liked it.
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 12:59 pm Title: Chapter 6
Another note: When you introduce a character, don't use their name immediately. That's kinda confusing, because, as a reader, you think you have to know the character already. And, you haven't.
But liked it! Hope Shawn gets there in time!
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 12:52 pm Title: Chapter 5
Note: "What's going on with Michael’s dad?" is a really confusing sentence. because you haven't put a comma between "Michael's" and "dad", it seems that you're talking about Michael's father.
Just a tip, makes reading a lot less intensive. ;)
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 12:47 pm Title: Chapter 4
So, it's not Jules's boyfriend, it's her son. She had two sons. (Still processing it). And Shawn is the father. Lot of history I don't know of reading your story, so that makes it somehow confusing. But I get it now...
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 11:15 am Title: Chapter 3
Okay, some minor Shules here. Some neighbourhood weirdo's and mystery!
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 11:08 am Title: Chapter 2
This still kinda is confusing. You don't seem to describe much. So, Juliet dated Shawn in High School, but had a boyfriend and kid now? And because of some traumatic experience (back in Miami, I guess) she's different to Shawn? Okay, if that's all correct, I'm getting it!
[Report This]Date: December 12, 2011 11:01 am Title: Chapter 1
Jules had a boyfriend? Sure makes it a lot more complex, but not less fun! had to double check if this was AU, because otherwise I must have been tripping or wasted when I watched the show, twice. :P
I see you uploaded the whole story at once? That can work, only you'll get less reviews, just a hint. But I'll review every chapter individual, just because I feel like it. Okay?