Date: March 18, 2012 11:33 am Title: Final Destination
When I started this chapter I was like: What? Are you kidding? The last chapter already? It was just getting started. But in the end you pulled it off very good. It´s a sad ending (it´s always sad when one of the main characters you have been fighting with the whole time, dies just before the save place) but I like it that you didn´t try to write a happy ending with a miraculous cure that saved him just in time.
You did a great job with the emotions, not just Juliet´s desperation but also Shawn´s and Lassiter´s. And it was a good thing to end the story with Lassiter´s thoughts, his disbelieve over what he´d done and his guilt, which was so similar to Juliet´s earlier. And a little hope for the future, just the way it has to be.
All in all, a good ending. It´s a shame that stories like this are always treated so stepmotherly on this website. You really should have more reviews. (and btw. now that the story is finished you should mark it as complete too, otherwise it´s confusing) Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you! You know, I had the same thoughts about the end. It's too cliche to end all "they lived happily ever after." Although, I did write an alternate ending, for fun. But yeah, that my favorite chapter. I struggled so much with it. For like two weeks, I asked people to choose a number between 1 and 100. If the picked an odd number, it was this ending. Evens meant happily ever after. A majority chose odds. I didn't want to write either ending. Cause it's sad, but I don't want sappy. But thanks. I like when people tell me I do good with characters. That's a fear of mine; writing out of character. Thanks for the tips and comments. They make me smile :) I'll post two more stories. I wrote them a couple years ago, when I first started Psych.
Date: March 18, 2012 11:15 am Title: Now What?
About the switching POVs. Never apologize for something like that. As long as it flows in the text there is no reason not to do that and in your text it flows good.
About the story: Man, you actually made me cry a little. I like the way you describe the struggle they all go through about Shawn. Especially Lassiter and Juliet of course. But mainly I like Lassiter´s struggle. He doesn´t want to kill him but he knows there is no other way if it comes to it. And how he shushed the boy, when he tried to say there was no hope. Great. So Lassiter.
Date: March 18, 2012 10:59 am Title: Welcome To The Outside World
Aw, nooo. Not the mother and her kid. Dammit. And I must say I´m a little surprised that your chapters are too long for the site. I thought I published chapters equally long alreday and it worked. *shrug* Technology.
Date: March 18, 2012 5:08 am Title: Rescue Mission
Yes! I knew Lassiter would be alive. And I like it that they came back to find Juliet. Even though it´s terrible that so many of the community had to die.
"The last thing she wanted to think about was that encounter. It was the night she lost her friends and family, the night she nearly died on several occasions; the night the world officially ended in her mind." Totally loved that lines. So good.
Now I wonder what you will do to bring the story home.
Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews. All of them make me smile. Thanks for the comments on my writing. Reviews like those give me confidence, and thus push me to work harder. I like quite a few lines from the next couple chapters. The next few are probably my favorite. Thanks again. :)
Date: March 18, 2012 4:57 am Title: Stuck
Man, even more intense. So someone wanted to play mad scientist and now his creations come back to haunt the world. Is this guy still alive? Wouldn´t do him much good.
When Erik suggested the pills, I already thought he suggested that they should suicide themselves before the zombies could get to them. Good, that they won´t.
Date: March 18, 2012 4:44 am Title: Her Journey
I don´t mind any fot changes. It´s the story that counts not the outlay. Speaking of which: Man, that was intense. So vivid, I could again see everything. And only reading this I felt sleepy along with Juliet, no joke. I know that feeling of exhaustion after a long walk, so I can totally sympathize with that. I really like it that the whole story is told from Juliet´s POV.
Date: March 18, 2012 4:32 am Title: Interviews
Hey, there. Sorry that I review so late. I was busy with work. But now I´m back and I still love it. The way it looks there is some hidden secret in this community, isn´t there? I like it that Juliet is still the cop and keeps asking questions. Let´s see what that woman knows.
Date: March 06, 2012 1:29 pm Title: Even Longer Stay Home
Who are they gonna find in there? Will it be Lassiter? I hope he´s still alive in your story. I´d like to see him in a situation like this.
And I absolutely agree. This website can be pretty stubborn. I had to cut a chapter in half once too.