Date: June 26, 2012 4:20 pm Title: Rough Housing and Babies Don't Mix....Or Do They?
I'm happy and Sad at the same time, I'm Happy you let me help and that I could make you smile :) but I'm sad the story is over. :( LOVED the ending! :D I knew the kidney came from Lassie!!Naming the baby after Shawn was so perfect. BRAVO
Date: June 26, 2012 12:38 pm Title: Rough Housing and Babies Don't Mix....Or Do They?
*iz ded* You killed me with this Jo-Lyn... KILLED ME. Because it's just that awesomely perfect of an ending. Babies AND Lassie giving Shawn a kidney? <3 And I love the last line, it's so Lassie! :D
Btw *fistbump* congrats on finishing another one, m'dear! :D This one was absolutely amazing from beginning to end!
Date: June 22, 2012 10:45 pm Title: Words Can Hurt But They Can Also Heal.
Dont you hate it when a good story ends???
Date: June 22, 2012 5:22 pm Title: Can't you Have Fun Without Me?
I like how Henry was forced into a situation where he could realise just how much his words were hurting his son. There's some deep hurt there that makes my heart go out to them.
Constructive criticism: Martha's in-control kind of mental personality threw me off. From the last time we saw her, she looked like she was being strung along by the other two. It's hard to reconcile the set-up of her character with how she's acting now.
Finally, whatever Shawn managed to do at IA has come to fruition. Maybe this mean's that there's a greater likelihood of rescue from the SBPD?
Date: June 22, 2012 5:05 pm Title: Apologizing Looked Easier on TV
My favourite bit has to be Henry's response to Shawn's 'people can change' statement. I like how this sentiment ties in with Shawn's case.
Constructive criticism: The scene with Shawn riding on his motorbike and sneaking into IA was a little choppy and quick-paced for me.
Ooh, nice twist ending.I like how you aligned all the elements against Shawn prior to this happening! :)
Date: June 22, 2012 4:50 pm Title: The Mother is in the Details
Badge and Gun taken away from Buzz. Yowch! I liked your portrayal of how this came about. Really drew me in as a reader.
My constructive criticism: Ease up on the use of italics. It's perfectly fine in the phone call but not for the emphasising. It jars from the story. Give us reader's more credit.
Hey, Henry is finally coming into the fray!! I'm really looking forward to the father/son interactions in the next chapter. Their tense relationship is something I really miss from seasons 1 & 2. :)
Date: June 22, 2012 4:21 pm Title: Bumps in the Road
I liked Shawn's interactions with Buzz in this chapter. Once again the small additions you make add to the hilariousness of the situation. Like the couch thing.
Constructive criticism: is there a particular reason that the pair allowed Shawn to know about his Dad's involvement?
Yeah, the last bit was nasty, my eyes, my eyes! Although, kudos for adding another dimension to their relationship. It adds even more intrigue to the story.
Author's Response: Shawn still kinda hated his dad at this point so he would do anything to show up the old man. So yeah and yes the ending had several people gagging and grossing out, trust me not as bad as you think.
Date: June 22, 2012 4:00 pm Title: Finally a Case!!
Whoa, interesting start. You really had me intrigued with the whole fake case thing. Made my mind whirr in all directions. Does this brother exist? Maybe its someone unrelated to her that she wants Shawn to find?
My constructive criticism: I get that she's a good actor but the bags under her eyes? Unless she's got a real sleeping problem that's hard to fake - except on camera, that is.
Shawn and Gus' silly bantering at the beginning was really in character. The sound effects were a really cool touch. The small details like the biggest locker and the lock were hilarious additions.
Author's Response: Oh you'll see this is something that's been planned so losing some sleep to make it more believable is all in the plan.