Date: July 25, 2012 11:06 pm Title: TWENTY SEVEN: Obfuscated obstacles
Part of the reason I don't read in-progress stories is it's hard for me to keep track of what's going on and who's who with new characters. For example, I'm having a hard time keeping Shawn's LA bosses straight. How about an index or just a list of them?
Not necessarily my favorite line, but it is intriguing:
"When I transferred in, Henry, it was just after the shooting,” Karen replied with a frown. “And then with the divorce...”
So, a bit of a hint/glance into a certain incident in Henry's past that will help him help Shawn? Or am I reading too much into it?
Liked Henry "borrowing" Shawn's file from Lassiter's desk, and the scene with Juliet.
Please update soon.
Author's Response:
Captain Nick Breighton, Robbery-Homicide Division, LAPD (Shawn's main boss who he always reports to)
Captain Roger "Mickey/Mr. Rogers" McKinney, SIS (Shawn's sometimes boss, mostly for undercover work)
SSAC Jeffrey "Jeff/El Jefe" Hale, FBI (Shawn's boss at the FBI, Senior Special Agent in Charge)
And just for more clarification:
Det Lou "Lulu" Compton, SIS
Det Hector Verman, SIS
Det Omar "the Hulk" Thompson, SIS
Det Jim "Rocky" Rosco, SIS
Dr. Scott "Scotty" Rosco (Jim's son who works at a free clinic)
Dorothy "Dot" Murdock (widow of Henry's former partner, Stan Murdock)
Det Kevin "Kev" James, LAPD (Shawn's former partner)
Sandra James (Kev's ex-wife)
Chelsea Lucia "Chels" James (Kev and Sandra's daughter)
"Alex" James (Kev and Sandra's son)
Derrell Owens (former SOA member murdered in chapter nine)
Marisa Reskin (Owens' neighbor)
Freddy Reskin (Marisa's brother)
Miguel Santos (19 y.o. who pawned Owens' watch and was there when he died)
Cesar Ortega (22 y.o. cousin of Miguel, who actually shot Owens)
Megan (waitress at the diner Shawn and Co. always go to)
Tony (chef at the diner)
Ofc. Koontz, SBPD (Shawn steals his radio in 14)
Ofc. Renner, SBPD (Buzz' partner)
Sgt. Colin Lepky, SBPD (retired, frisked Shawn in 15)
Sgt. Gavin Moss, LAPD (rookie who blew Shawn's cover his third year on the force (ch5), seen again in 17)
Magellan "Gelly Roll" (Juliet's fat, longhair grey cat)
Snowball "Snowy" (Juliet's white cat who hates Jules and loves Shawn)
Soldiers of Adam "SOA" (biker gang suspected of domestic terrorism that Shawn infiltrated in 6)
the 551s (gang out of LA, mostly immigrants, Cesar was doing an initiation when Owens was killed)
The Raiders (nice biker gang Freddy used to belong to)
Jess (redhaired EMT in 23)
Kyle (Jess' partner EMT)
SA Don "Donnie" Eppes, FBI (from Numb3rs, Shawn's friend but hates Hale)
Dr. Charles "Charlie" Eppes (from Numb3rs, Don's little brother, math genius, FBI consultant)
That should be every OC in the story. Hopefully that clears things up for you.
Good catch :) It's absolutely a reference to something that will help Shawn. It's discussed more in depth back in chapter 2 when Henry and Shawn talk but we'll definitely be learning a lot more in the future. There's been some very subtle hints here and there about what happened though. :3
I'm glad you liked those scenes, they were a lot of fun to write :) Thanks for the review!
[Report This]Date: July 25, 2012 4:19 pm Title: ONE: The secret behind the secret
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I classify the first little bit as psychological whump because Shawn doesn't feel like he is up to his game so he is just pushing himself to the point of physical whump. His arm must hurt like hell!!!
Fave line in the first part?
After ten days the case was colder than the glare McKinney routinely shot Hale when he wasn't looking.
I have a feeling that I would have icicles growing outta my nose if I was in the vicinity of those glares.
And Shawn reeking of gunpowder XD. All I can think of is that he is more like Lassie than he will ever admit.
I love the drawer full of Mickey mouse memorabilia. (say that five times fast) Makes me wonder if Shawn started the drawer or if Kev was the first to screw with the old man.
I like the fond memory Shawn had about Kevin but that quickly went all to shit.
Que protective papa monkey and I see a bit of Shawn in Henry, or is that the other way around? Ah who gives a crap. I love that Henry went as far as breaking into a desk to find out anything and everything about his kid.
I love the shock Henry has at the detailed account his son wrote for Karen.
Sneaky!Jules. *smiles*
Fave line:
Damn kid has been able to pick a lock since he was eight.
I love the small amount of admiration and just typical Henry in this single line. Because dammit we all know Henry probably showed him.
DOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*high pitched squeal*
I love her and she is just a protective mama who is forcing her kid to get some sort of religion. I love that his yarmulke has a pineapple. Typical Shawn. *smiles*
"Did you get out clean?"
"Close enough."
Really Shawn? You are so full of it, being shot in the chest is not clean. *smacks Shawn upside the head* Idiot.
Everyone is just so worried about Shawn and the man is not going to slow down even if it kills him. *frowns*
"Haven't you heard Donnie? I'm always right."
One of these days Shawn you will be wrong and that is not going to be good in any way shape or form.
I love the titles of all your chapter and the hard to pronounce words you use. I wonder if you ever thought of using this one: Defenestrate. By all time my most favorite word and I'm pretty sure you can figure out how to use it. I know it's your story and every title belongs to you but I figured I could just throw that word out there to ya.
Author's Response:
XD That first line makes me laugh so hard...
YES! It really is psychological whump :) Poor Shawn, he's got be freaking out pretty bad to be doing that to himself. Of course, it's not like he has Juliet there to make him relax so he's kinda in a tough position... But yeah... OW. *grimaces* I don't even want to think about how much his arm must hurt... *shudders*
LMAO Icicles out of your nose? XD Jo-Lyn, you crack me up! But yeah, Mickey has a special level of hate for Hale, it amuses me. :3
lol Yeah, probably. Although we'll find out some more about why Shawn goes to the range for hours on end when stressed later :) But it would definitely be fun to see them bond by going to the range, though there's a bit of a difference in them going. Shawn is super concentrated when he goes, obsessed with perfection (and that damn nickname, lol) while Lassie... I don't know how to explain it.. he goes to keep up his skills and to do stress relief, but it's not with the same kind of intensity that Shawn has. *shrugs* Now that I think about it, that might freak Lassie out quite a bit (like in 19)
Yay! That's been planned for AGES and I was so relieved that I found a place to put it in the story :3 Oh, it was definitely Shawn, he gets a special thrill out of messing with Mickey. Kev screwed with people in a different way, much more subtle and more psychological XD
I like the fond memory Shawn had about Kevin but that quickly went all to shit.
XD That's about as succinctly as you could put it, "went all to shit". Yeah... Conversations about Kev have a tendency to do that, unfortunately. Stupid Shawn, letting his grief and guilt overwhelm his memories of his former partner. *sighs* I'm going to be so glad when I start posting Ain't No Rest for the Wicked and we get so see Shawn happy and with Kev :D Oh the crazy shit those two did... XD
Queue* ¬_¬ This is weird, I catch both you AND Amy making spelling mistakes? XD Anyhoo... Yeah, those two really are the same person, Lassie was definitely right XD I loved writing Henry on his secret mission, it really reminded me of him in STASITD, nothing's gonna stand between that man and finding his son. Whether or not he throttles Shawn after he finds him is a whole different question. lol Poor Henry, he hasn't quite internalized who exactly cop!Shawn is and the two statements were a bit of a shock. Maybe now he understands a little more :)
Sneaky Jules = <3 And damn straight, Henry probably taught him (directly or indirectly) XD
Yes! *squeals as well* I was so freaking happy to bring her back! And we get more of her next chapter too! And you summed her up pretty much perfectly XD I couldn't pass up on the opportunity to put the pineapple on his kippah, it was just too perfect. There's a guy at my temple who has a Superman kippah, it's awesome XD
LMAO! He really is. Of course, considering he was only shot in a back alley away from the rest of the SOA getting arrested so no one saw that he was a cop (thus not blowing his cover), he's actually kinda right. But still... *smacks Shawn as well* That boy as a death wish, I swear XD
No, no he's not... :( And it really speaks to how freaked out he is about all of this that he's pushing himself so hard. I love that last line so much :3 And you really have this great way of predicting the future, Jo-Lyn XD Because the shit has only just begun to hit the fan
XD Yay! I'm so glad you like them, they're a lot of fun to come up with. I've always wondered if people actually go and look up the definitions... OMG, that's one of my favorite words! Amy and I DEFINITELY want to use it so last night we began brainstorming. There's a question of whether to use it figuratively or literally, I want to use it literally so it's gonna take a little work to figure out how to add it to the plot XD But something is definitely going out the window >:3
Thanks so much for the review, you're the best!! :D
[Report This]Date: July 25, 2012 3:27 pm Title: TWENTY SEVEN: Obfuscated obstacles
*jaw drops with giggle Vindi--you made my day. This was AWESOME! :D Best one yet... hence the "yet" part. And I can't believe you brought in Don! *does lil jig Ah, the sweetness... :) Your story tastes like pineapple, lol
Author's Response:
Oh wow, I'm so glad it made your day :3 Best one yet? XD While I'm not exactly sure that's true, it's a relief to hear because these last... ten chapters or so, I've been worried that the writing has not been up to par. :) Yep, Don's here and he'll be back with Charlie and the others in the next chapter :3
XD Thanks so much!
[Report This]Date: July 25, 2012 12:37 pm Title: TWENTY SEVEN: Obfuscated obstacles
Cate, it's not like I have cookies in the house....though I am thinking of making rice crispy treats sometime today...I even have the GF Rice Crispies I need <3
Obfuscated. Obfuscated...obbfuscated....obfusssscaaaatteed =D I adore that word and was just tickled pink (yes pink....) to see it used in the title for 27. <3 We get to see lots of cranky Shawn in this chapter (yes, I say cranky Shawn) because that’s the way he is. Still being injured is only a small part of it--he’s trying to stay sharp and sane, alive and alert all at the same time...but he needs the people he’s been around in Santa Barbara like he needs the air he breathes. Without them he’s just not the Shawn we know and love. It’s only been a week and a half and he’s taking all his frustration out on the targets at the range....and Lou. XD Though we all know that Lou at least isn’t overly concerned yet.
He can’t even keep his concentration during the meeting with everyone and Hale, McKinney and Breighton are all quick to point it out to him: Hale with an only semi-joking “job offer”, McKinney with anger at said “offer” (before the two of them start going at it again) and Breighton with his usual calm, collected reserve. Shawn and Mickey’s conversation (concerned Mickey <3) and then the miniature Mickey doll in the uniform <3 Then, that it’s Hale giving Shawn a ride and their ensuing conversation is interesting to say the least. Loved the line, “Dude, do you get along with anyone?” It was probably one of my top three for the chapter...it still makes me chuckle seeing it.
The bit of backstory we get on Kev is great too--could we have finally hit on a reason that Shawn was always flirting with waitresses and asking them to marry him xP??
Haven’t ever seen Numb3rs, but I am intrigued by the way you portray Donnie Eppes--maybe I’ll have to watch it someday....you keep this up and I’ll have so many new shows that I watch. First it was Supernatural all because of Ghost Town and now this XD. You, girl, are dangerous.
Henry XD Oh Henry--breaking all the rules where it concerns your son <3 There is just something about the fact that he would know the secrets of the desks that had never quite gotten around to being replaced and would use it to pilfer the very file that he’d been banned from is kinda heartwarming. Then his shock at finding the two differing statements once he’s alone in the interview room followed by being caught by Juliet is perfect. We haven’t gotten to see much introspection between the two of them and it’s nice to see a bit more. I know it’s not canon for the two of them to “hang out” but the person they care about most in the world has been gone for more than a week. Therefore I find it perfectly normal to see the two of them having a discussion, even if it is a bit more of a lecture on Juliet’s side.
Then the “discussion” with Karen and the very distinct possibility that the other Captains may try to keep Shawn in LA indefinitely....dun dun dunnnnnn. But gotta love Henry’s conviction. Because at the end of the day I would put my money (at least I would if I had any) on his last assertion to Karen:
“You’re forgetting one thing, Karen,” Henry replied after a long moment, a stubborn look on his face.
“Oh? And what’s that?”
“Shawn never follows the rules.”
Shawn and Dot at Shabbat is adorable...and the fact he is there looking for Donnie is priceless...even more so because he finds him and Shawn has a pineapple on his yarmulke <3 But I love the ever so slight awkwardness of their conversation...Shawn knows he needs Charlie’s help but the entire thing was Hale’s idea, and he apparently can’t get along with anyone to ask XD And the last line of the whole chapter is another one of my favorites:
“Oh come on, Donnie. Haven’t you heard?” he said easily, his voice flat. “I’m always alright.”
Now for MY disclaimer on this chapter’s review: I haven’t reread or edited it this time...I am WAY too lazy, and I can admit that. As much as I can admit that, in the time it’s taking to type this up, I could make a pretty good dent in editing this...but I honestly just don’t feel like it...so, yeah <3
Author's Response:
DUDE, HOLY CRAP I'M RESPONDING O_O
Sillyness aside, I am about to attempt a review response now, so everyone watch out! *dons lab coat (hell yeah I have one, I stole one from work XD) and protective eyewear*
DAMNIT now I want rice krispies... *cries* but I can't have any because I've already had rice the last two days and if I eat any more, my body will commit mutiny and try to kill me... ;_;
What was I doing again? Oh yeah, review. Btw, never ever try to snap latex or nitrile gloves like they like to do in movies/TV, at best you'll end up with a nasty welt, at worst you'll break the glove and have to get a new one, while everyone laughs at you (either case). *coughs* Anyhoo...
Pink? Really? XD I'm just really glad I remembered it. As soon as I thought 'obstacles', obfuscated immediately popped into my head. :D Maybe it's because we waxed poetic about our love for the word way back when... who knows lol And you already know how much I love the cranky!Shawn comment but I'll say it again... or I'll attempt to say it, because I'm really squealing with happiness. Yep, squealing. I blame the raspberry lemonade I'm drinking ¬_¬ But I love cranky Shawn, he's so much fun to write and he makes you want to go up and ruffle his hair :3 Yeah, ironically enough, in some ways he stretched even more thin than he was before (though not as much as he's about to be, you know what I'm talking about >:3). The beauty of Shawn's cover is that it forced him to relax and not get wound up and tense (like in An Evening with Mr. Yang), without Juliet to ground him and his large family in SB to keep him from getting wrapped up with the case, he's a mess. Being cooped up is certainly not helping, but I imagine that it would have been a lot worse if he was staying somewhere else, you know? ;) Ha... I can imagine him just shooting at the same target for the entire time, trying to keep all the shots matching so he ends up with a couple of semi-large holes over the heart and head. XD Lou's seen worse, MUCH worse. But Kev was around back then to deal with Shawn, so even then it wasn't too much of a concern. lol
XD True, though he didn't really need to pay attention. The meeting was for the benefit of all the underlings (both FBI and SIS). But Hale and Mickey... *grins* I would love to write a scene where the two of them really go at it. They can be so childish as they fight over Shawn XD I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but I've started imagining Breighton with a very slight southern drawl and I have no idea why. lol I think he comes off as even more reserved than he really is because good ol' Mickey usually stirs up enough trouble (especially with Hale around) that he has to smooth things out and keep things civil. XD Poor man. As always, concerned Mickey = <3 (I seriously love that man lol) and the Mickey toy... XD I was so excited to finally include that in the story because it's just so Shawn... And it's a great reminder that Shawn has always been that loveable, goofy smartass, even when he was a serious, badass cop in LA :) That line cracks me up every time and it says so much about El Jefe. XD
Gah! I know I talked to you about this before, but for the sake of those who actually read my review responses, I'll say it again. That was a complete and utter accident. When I was writing it, I thought 'Hmm... Kev being charming... ooo, waitresses'. XD That's it. But it really does explain why Shawn's always flirting with the waitresses (and everyone else). lol I feel so proud of myself for accidentally creating a brilliant canon explanation :3
*takes a break to call my sister and chat*
Right! I'm back! Where was I... Oh!
Damn straight I'm dangerous >:3 Numb3rs is on Netflix, both discs and instant streaming. I JUST started watching a few episodes of Leverage today (I've been meaning to because of Goody's awesome crossovers). XD It's awesome as well, but don't worry, I don't plan on sticking any crossover in... yet ¬_¬
:D I love Henry in this chapter, so protective and wonderful <3 And it really IS heartwarming, considering how in STASITD he's like "if Shawn is shot, then there's no door I won't break down to find my son" :D We finally get to see his worry and concern in action rather than vented in arguments. It's probably therapeutic for him... and the two statements: shock therapy. "Seven months ago Henry would have been proud, now it just made him sick." <-- my personal favorite line from that scene. Yeah, it's definitely not canon for them to hang out (which some people really take offense to) but it... kinda is in YWHOAOU because of Shawn's stint in LA during chapter 6. But you're right, it's nice to see the two of them interact. She seems to provide Henry a bit of that levelheadedness that she does to Shawn :) (Two weeks at that point, so yeah, all bets are off when they're all worrying) A lecture until Henry decides he's had enough and goes to yell at Karen...
... and is basically shut down. XD I love how ominous that conversation is, right up until the very last line where Henry goes and reminds us why we love the grumpy old bastard so much lol
<3 <3 <3 I personally love that scene, maybe it's the Shawn and Dot interactions, maybe it's the fact that he went to shul just to covertly meet with Don.. I don't know, I just love it. :3 Nope, Hale really just pisses people off, it's hilarious XD Ah... Shawn's final line, I'm extremely attached to that line because to me it showcases Shawn's entire psyche at that moment in time. He's been beaten, ripped from his friends in family, working his ass off while in pain, and is dealing with this freaking HUGE threat looming over his head. There's no half-way, if the SOA figure out who he is, they'll kill him. And yet, Shawn's got to soldier through, keeping himself as sane and as sharp as he can manage (and probably more than a little paranoid), which is rather bleak and depressing on his part if you think about it... Poor guy. He really needs Kev right now. :(
You go, girl :) I'm not going to reread or edit this response either in solidarity (and laziness). "...but I honestly just don’t feel like it...so, yeah <3" You know that's right! *fistbump*
Oh look! You're on GD! Yay! *scampers off*
(btw, thanks for the most amazing review, as always :3)
Date: July 24, 2012 6:43 pm Title: NINE: It's a wonderful lie
Reading it here!
Author's Response: Hooray! You'll get a shoutout in chapter 27! Thanks for reading it here and reviewing! :D
Date: July 24, 2012 12:46 pm Title: TWENTY SIX: Exigent estrangement
This is such an awesome story! I was reading it on fanfiction, but the saw your post about having alot more posted here, and read it here instead and i love it! Great job :)))
Author's Response:
WOO HOO! *does a happy dance* I was REALLY hoping that people would eventually come over here because it's just not fair to wait for it on FFN when I update regularly here :) You're the first person to review and say you came over from FFN, so congrats! You're going to get a shoutout in 27! :D
Thank you so so so so so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story :)
[Report This]Date: July 24, 2012 7:49 am Title: TWENTY SIX: Exigent estrangement
Ha ha ha! The hoodie thing was clever. I fear for Shawn. I really loved Juliet's conversation with Lassiter. "You and Shawn worked together? Civilly?" :-D
Author's Response:
Why thank you :3 I'm sorry, I laughed out loud when I saw the "I fear for Shawn" bit. XD Just because it's stated so succinctly and it's so true. Shawn is in a really bad situation right now and it's not going to get better any time soon. Hell, I'm fearing for him and I know what's happening next. Wait... maybe it's because I know what's going to happen to him that I fear for him... lol Yeah... that poor man's life is going to get a LOT worse in the future >:3 Oooo... I love that line :D I can just imagine Lassiter's discomfort, especially when he remembers that he actually enjoyed working with Shawn XD
Thanks so much for the review!
[Report This]Date: July 24, 2012 7:40 am Title: TWENTY FIVE: Insert witty title here
I love this chapter! All the rewriting and toil was worth it. You did a very good job of writing Henry. He really is just a daddy who's scared for his son. Love it! And poor Gus!
Author's Response:
Yay! I'm so glad you like it! And I'm definitely starting to feel it was worth it, the more times I reread it, the happier I am with the final result. But you guys reviewing and saying you liked it was a huge weight off my mind :3 I am so freaking happy that you said that! Henry is textbook scared, emotionally constipated father :3 Yeah... Gus kinda gets the short end of the stick... but he'll be back with his first ever retrospective in chapter 29! :D
Thanks so much for the review!
[Report This]Date: July 23, 2012 2:02 pm Title: TWENTY SIX: Exigent estrangement
I really liked this chapter too...favourite moment: the talk between shawn and McKinney ;)
Favorite line: " “Phone. Now.” came Shawn’s muffled order " (every time I read it I chuckle because I can totally imagine shawn's serious look and authoritarian tone... love it!!)
I have to ask just one thing... in the first part Scotty says that the stitches didn't tore out... but in chap 25 you said that there was blood on the hands and the gauzes... isn't it strange? I know it's not really important, it doesn't affect in any way the chapter or the story... it's just professional bias...(and maybe you have a solution I didn't thougt.. ;D) (I hope this does't upset you.... it really is just curiosity...)
last thing... thanks again for all your (and ladypretender's) work and for giving us such a lovely story! :)
Author's Response:
Gotta love Mickey and Shawn and their arguments :D
Interesting choice on favorite line, but that one always makes me laugh too. One should not get between Shawn and Jules (even if it's only via the phone). XD
Hmm... Good question. I'll have to double check with Jo-Lyn but I'm guessing there's still a chance of bleeding even with the stitches in place because of his heart rate and BP raising due to the pain (his pain meds wore off). At least, that's the impression I got. I'll find out though :) (It's fine, I'm glad you pointed it out!)
Aww, you're welcome. Thanks for reading and for the review (and double thank you for the shoutout to Amy, she loves those :D)!
[Report This]Date: July 22, 2012 8:28 pm Title: TWENTY SIX: Exigent estrangement
Ah...I can practically taste the sweetness of this chapter. Although it seemed a bit ominous to me :D I've always liked no matter how much you change his character-- Shawn will always be "Shawn." Can't wait to see what McKinneys plan is *big eyes And it's such a pleasure to see our ex-faux- psychic get credit for his genius and skills. :) It will be hard to wait for the next part XD
Author's Response:
XD I guess that's one way to put it. Better sweet than... something else, right? :) And it is rather ominous, especially with Mickey being all devious and then the question of what the hell is going to happen to Shawn now.
Yay! I'm so glad Shawn's Shawn-ness still comes through even when he's all serious, tired, stressed, and/or in pain. I always try to double check to make sure he's still there even at the worst of times, but it can be difficult to tell. So it's a huge relief to hear that he does :D
FUNNY STORY: okay, maybe not so funny of a story. Funny idea. I had two ideas for where Mickey dumps Shawn, one is the one that I went with, but the other was that he took Shawn to the Navy base out in Coronado, CA and had some of his old SEAL buddies 'watch' Shawn. XD
Ex-faux-psychic, I like that <3 But there's plenty more of that coming up, along with more of Shawn showing off his skills undercover (shh! I didn't tell you that! lol)
Thanks so much for the review!