Reviews For False Positive
Reviewer: dragonnan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: June 01, 2013 1:40 am Title: Chapter 6: There's No Passion In Neutral

This chapter really ups the ante, to me, in the way that Lassiter is starting to grow into his role of fake fake psychic.  He's growing even more calculating and completely depending on what he can read of Emil.  I love that he almost seems like he's a scientist and Emil is a new strain of virus.  He pokes from one side and prods from the other and not even so much as to look for weakness as to look for a reason.  He's getting the measure of who Emil is – seeing how much (or little) it takes to get Emil to snap.  He may be faking at being Spencer but inside he's still 100% Lassiter.

I really appreciate that you don't have Lassie being, really, all that Shawn-like.  In fact, other than a few borrowed phrases and accepting the name (very grudgingly) he's still very much himself.  And I love how Emil is analyzing this “psychic” with the calm and cool attitude – how he takes a punch without the least sign of discomfort.  It's realistic that Lassiter would act this way not just because he is horrified to be confused for Spencer, but because he just isn't mentally constructed to play anyone other than himself (I mean, the man is never called upon for undercover work lol!).     

I also love that you included Buzz when Juliet drove over to talk with ...er... Salamalanachia?  You know the dude.  He was very painfully a part of that history and it was awesome to see his emotion relating back to his attempted murder.  I would actually love to see a story/ tag/ missing scene that goes into what Buzz dealt with after the explosion – maybe even night terrors and therapy.

Just some quick, hard pressure around the throat would do it, with his bare hands, or even with his teeth.

Woah freaking woahs!!! No need to question, at all, if this guy is bat sheet NUTTERS!! Hahaha!! LOVE how you've written this guy!!  He's such a fabulous baddie!  His calming methods are terrifying too – knowing he has so much violence inside that even he seems afraid of it.  Worse, I get the feeling Lassiter has no idea how truly dangerous this guy is.

I know it sounds weird but I like the way you described Lassiter's need to pee – the coldness in his bladder.  It's absolutely spot on perfect and is relatable besides.  You are so talented with the little details – of building a fascinating story on something so simple like the way the chain swipes the floor or the color the water might be in the jars or how black the shadows are.  You've made this a very real place with the atmosphere you've detailed and it FEELS like a cold lost pit – somewhere stocked with spiders and fear and a place where the warm would sink out of your limbs and never return.  A black place that would make you forget the sun.

Why else would he cooperate in spite of being threatened within an inch of his life? His mask of stubbornness was falling off, he knew it. It helped less that Emil had attacked him, then backed off and tried to be "nice". Now Carlton was even hoping for Shawn Spencer to rescue him. That doesn't leave this room, he told himself fiercely. Spencer can never know that I . . . might need him. But only if there's no one else.
There's McNab. Send him first, if O'Hara isn't available, Carlton thought, starting to close his eyes. Out of bounds of his consciousness, a small thought nagged him about Spencer coming to his rescue, not just because he was that smug, teasing, self-righteous Spencer.
It was because he, Lassiter, was supposed to be Spencer in this f—upped alternate reality. "It's no good, no good," Lassiter muttered as he drifted off to sleep. "Don't send him."

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!! All of this is just so.. ADSFDGHJKL.KJHGFHJHGFDGHJKH!!! First with the humor of Lassiter willing to accept even Shawn's rescue – and threatening his own mind that the thought can never leave that room.  And then the additional hilarity of begging for McNab first, if O'Hara can't make it.  And then you slam with that emotional spin with Lassiter realizing Shawn CAN'T come.  Not only a danger to himself and his cover, but a horrible consequence to Shawn as well.  GUUUUUUUUH!!! HEART HAMMERING!!!

The mystery of the woman, also, remains this fascinating tease.  I've got my mind spinning on all sorts of possibilities for who she is and what truly happened to her.  And then the ongoing fear for Lassie and just how bad this is going to get for him! (cause I've read your other stories, after all, so I know there are any number of terrors that could be written lol!!)

Awesome, awesome update!!



Author's Response:

OMG WOW!!! I always am so grateful and bow down to your very awesome, very sweet, very insightful and thoughtful reviews and again will say a trillion times over, THANK YOU!!! :D

Right out of the gate, you are so right! The ante has been upped in a few ways, from Emil's turn to violence to the direction of the outside investigation, and even more so Lassiter's reluctant decision to see this through. He now knows he can't escape, but he knows the only way he could potentially get out of this terrible situation is to play along, and "feel out" Emil and his behavior. I LOVED your brilliant scientist analogy, that is just SO PERFECT a description of the whole process! To quote you: "He may be faking at being Spencer but inside he's still 100% Lassiter" <--- this is just OMG EXACTLY what I was going for!!! :D

And what you say about Lassiter's unknowingness of just how dangerous Emil really is is SO SPOT ON; he may be learning about Emil but Emil is still very guarded (and also deep down totally crazy!). 

I love that you love that Lassiter isn't OOC or trying to behave exactly like Shawn would. I really didn't want Lassiter to do a 180 and "really" become the joking, life-loving man-child that Shawn is in order to "fool" Emil; you are so right, it's just not who Lassiter is, and he just can't not be himself one way or another. He's only doing what he has to do out of means for survival, but he's never going to be happy at being mistaken for Shawn. xD (No matter how popular Shawn might be in the papers or with the public.)

I have to say I giggled uncontrollably at your ... attempt at spelling Salamatchia's name. xD Truth be told, I had to Google it a few times to get the spelling; before that I was spelling it Salamanchita or such. But yes, I know who you meant! ;) (And now I want to write a Buzz tag about the explosion! XD) I'm glad you liked that little section. When I first did the outline of the "whole" story, there wasn't much focus on the "outside investigation" but now that it's starting to develop, I'm glad to include Jules, Shawn and Gus and even Buzz, and Karen, doing what they do best but going in the total opposite direction they should be going in. This Buzz-Juliet scene may be a little turning point for them, even if they don't know right away that they aren't looking where they should. :)

:D :D :D I'm happy you like all the descriptive details; I can't seem to do without them. ;) I'm glad it's made this tiny basement room feel like a real space, especially a dark, dank, hopeless space! EEEE! Yes, this is exactly the atmosphere I wanted to create. :) 

I love love love that you picked out those paragraphs of Lassiter considering who he would rather have rescue him! :D I wanted his thoughts to reluctantly and begrudgingly consider Shawn but then for his brain to threaten himself with penalty of death of never, ever, under any circumstances, admitting that! XD And then to sort of settle on the fact that Shawn being the rescuer is impossible—it serves a purpose to make himself feel better that he's being "protective" in a way: the real Shawn Spencer can *never* meet Emil. 

I had to laugh again, first nervously and then evilly, at your last premonitions for "just how bad this is all going to get for Lassiter" (b/c you've read my other stories)... *MORE EVIL LAUGHTER* Looking forward to delivering these. >;D In full!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing all your AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME insights and analysis and sections which struck a chord with you!!!! I always enjoy hearing what you think!!! *GIANT HUGS* :D :D :D :D :D :D

 

~silverluna

Reviewer: skylucy Anonymous [Report This]
Date: May 28, 2013 7:38 pm Title: Chapter 6: There's No Passion In Neutral

I'm hoping that Shawn gets a real vision that it's him and not Lassie that the crazy person wanted and it somehow leads him to hone in on where Lassie could be. I don't know how that would work but I'm really hoping that it will be the step that gets them closer to where Emil has holed up and Lassie is being held prisoner. Unlike Lassie--I want Shawn to get there.

Author's Response:

Thanks for your review! A real vision from Shawn, probably not, but you might be onto something! ;) I agree with you though, Shawn (and everyone, really) needs to step up his (their) game if they hope to find Lassiter before something really bad happens. Thanks again, glad you enjoyed the update! :)

 

~silverluna

Reviewer: marniewings Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2013 5:15 pm Title: Chapter 5: The Devil That You Know Is Better Than The One You Don't

This was a really brilliant chapter!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for all your reviews! So glad you're enjoying the story. :) Thanks for reading! :)

 

~silverluna

Reviewer: marniewings Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2013 4:33 pm Title: Chapter 2: I Count The Ways To Disappear

Oooh. poor Juliet. Its scary knowing less than what's going on.

Reviewer: marniewings Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2013 4:08 pm Title: Chapter 1: I'm Just An Animal And Cannot Explain A Life

Ooh another great chapter. this is getting better and better!

Reviewer: marniewings Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2013 3:42 pm Title: Prologue: Nothing To Lose, Nothing But You

Ooh great start! onto the next chapter!

Reviewer: skylucy Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 10, 2013 5:00 pm Title: Chapter 4: I Should Let It Go, But This One I Will Keep

I wanted so to get on this site yesterday and read the end of this new chapter but I couldn't get to it. Fantastic and worth the wait! I am so looking forward to the next chapter and all the others that will hopefully follow. This is an absolutely fantastic story that I wish could be in Season 8!!!!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your review!!! So happy to hear all your awesome feedback—and I'm totally blushing!!! You find this tale worthy of Season 8—WOW! Thank you! *BLUSHING* I'm happy you're still reading and supporting this story and finding it to your liking. :D The other day I was inspired and wrote about 700 words for a new scene for the next chapter—so I'm hoping the next update will soon and with months in between. (As for the others, I know, the same! But I'm definitely not abandoning any of them.) 

Thanks again!!!

 

~silverluna

Reviewer: dragonnan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 09, 2013 2:37 pm Title: Chapter 4: I Should Let It Go, But This One I Will Keep

 "Actually, 92, to be accurate," Gus said as he walked up to them.


"Gus, don't be every other lying weatherman."


"I'm not lying, that was temperature they put on record yesterday," Gus countered.


Shawn opened his mouth to respond when Juliet snapped, "Guys!"


They both looked at her and she stared back, all traces of yesterday's sweetness erased. Her brief outburst had earned her an eyebrow raise from Vick, but Juliet didn't catch her eye. "Shawn, you were saying?"—when he opened his mouth again she warned—"and don't get back to talking about the weather."


He heard it, in her tone, the urgency, as if they had reached zero hour, with no wiggle room, no time at all left. Clearing his throat and shooting an apologetic glance at Gus, Shawn continued, "Right, so it couldn't have been that it was too hot for Lassie. Would he take it off to fight—or to shoot someone?"


This whole entire exchange. I've said this before of your writing, but dear stars, this belongs in an episode!! It is SO amazingly perfectly THEM!! I can see it with precise clarity – along with all of the parts leading up to it. Like the sound Shawn's sneakers would make on the sidewalk and the exact brightness and heat of the sun – bright enough to make Juliet squint as she looked up at Shawn. (and the fact that you included that little bit about her shading her eyes is genius writing, it really is. If YOU are actually there in that environment, it means that I am there too and it takes no effort to visualize where they are.)


"No way, his jacket's practically a second skin," Gus commented. "Though, didn't he take it off that one time, before he shot Chavez?"


Gus, please. ROFL!!


In spite of what Emil had said to his guest in his hasty display of anger about no longer wanting to wait, he still took the time to listen to Mr. Spencer's breathing and weigh the silence between them. Mr. Spencer seemed content, in spite of his predicament, to not produce any easy answers, to not spill out any loose chatter from any of the dead wishing to make communications with him. He seemed to be unlike any other person he'd encountered who claimed to have connections to spirit worlds, from the most fraudulent to the most genuine. Mr. Spencer was most unwilling to talk.


I really really love how you've said everything Lassiter ISN'T doing – not talking, not pontificating, not “communing” - which would all be things Shawn WOULD be doing were he the one who'd been captured.


they seemed to match each other in silence, in patience, as if they were both men used to waiting for long periods, gaining little for it, to being disappointed and moving forward in spite of being hurt.


This is really a poignant insight into Lassiter – and shows that Emil has a perception about people that is pretty spot on in spite of him nabbing the wrong guy. You've maintained a deeply convincing story as to how Emil could have made this very critical error. And I really love that you actually had Lassiter attempt to convince Emil that he had the wrong guy, only to be disbelieved. Another thing I really am enjoying with this is how it shows that Lassiter has a very intelligent and calculating side and can plot the best course of action to handle this. But the best? Apparently the only time Lassiter excels at undercover is when he plays someone he oftentimes wants to shoot in the knee bones while simultaneously insisting he ISN'T that guy lol!! And he didn't even need a fake mustache xDD


"Dude!" Shawn exclaimed. "I found a belt!"


Gus wrinkled his nose and looked down, not exactly the reaction Shawn was hoping for. "So what?"


"So, what do you think?"


"What do I think about this belt, or about the smell of gunpowder on it?"


"I—huh?" Shawn squinted down at it and then at Gus. "It it has a smell?"


I had to point my finger at this exchange cause, once more, you've written spectacular dialogue that is just so dead on with the series!! Everything about this is perfect and I almost want to do cartwheels cause I'm so completely gleeful at everything about it! Shawn using his observation skills to spot a clue – then playing a giant hunch that MAYBE it's meaningful, followed by Gus pointing out something that Shawn hadn't considered at all – VALIDATING the hunch in hindsight xD


"I've heard it both ways." He ignored Gus rolling his eyes. "My point is, Gus, that I need your help. You may be 40 percent of the reason why we're able to solve crimes as quickly as we do."


BAHAHAHAHAHA!


I'm loving this story like a triple layer chocolate cake with double frosting! You are truly and seriously one of my favoritest writers and I get VERY excited every time you update! I've been terribly slacky at reviewing and I apologize but I'm doing my best to make up for that!! Thank you for yet another brilliant chapter!



Author's Response:

WOW, THANK YOU for your super awesome review!!! Can I tell you how relieved I am that you pulled out examples from the two Shawn and Gus sections and found them to be *accurate* and *in-character* for the two, respectively?! I'm still incredibly nervous when it comes to writing those two, especially recreating their chemistry and funny banter, but I think I'm getting better (this is the part where I ask you to not look at "Crave" for, well, for anything XD). I was trying to come up with a better "Gus, don't be a—" but sometimes things will just "fit" as they are. I also wanted their exchanges, especially the one with Shawn's parking lot discovery, to lean more towards the side of "crime solving banter"/"clue finding banter", since these types, when it's just the two of them, seem to be a variation on Shawn's usual "talking things out aloud to figure out what's going on". In my "original draft", Shawn and Gus were less a part of the story in the beginning, but I like the direction the story is taking, sort of a duality in time, so I really want to have the two of them, as well as Juliet and Vick, but more active in the entire initial investigation. (Plus, the staring contest between Emil and Lassiter can't last forever.) 

I'm totally stunned and blushing you say Shawn and Gus's exchange about the weather belongs in an episode! I was hoping, at best, it would sort of come off as sounding like a conversation they might have, at its barest bones. 

Lol, glad you liked the Chavez line! I was thinking about how funny it was, between LDABBT and Yips, where in LDABBT Gus is insistent Lassie could be guilty and in Yips where he's trying to convince Shawn to give Lassie his due for shooting Petrovich. Gus is another character I find it's been a challenge to learn how to write, but I think I'm getting better. :) 

Love that you pointed out those paragraphs of Emil's observations—for someone supposedly as smart and organized as Emil, he also seems to be in denial and is more than content to accept the "surface" view, even if it seems to clash with anything he might have experienced in the past, via crimes or whatnot. I also hoped to convey the sense that poor Lassiter, who's not quite in to playing the part of Shawn, is going to have get over that sooner or later while still being the detective he is. 

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for sharing all your awesome insights and giving what I've written new depth and new angles of perspective. I'm so happy you "love this story like a triple layer chocolate cake with double frosting!"!!!! That's—WOW. I feel so blessed to have you reading and sharing your awesomeness. And *MAJOR SUPER BLUSHING and GRINNING and OMG*—I am a favorite of YOURS?! *hyperventilating*  I don't know if I can thank you enough, but I will keep trying. :D THANK YOU!!!! <3

Reviewer: Pina Anonymous [Report This]
Date: August 15, 2012 8:27 pm Title: Chapter 1: I'm Just An Animal And Cannot Explain A Life

Yaaaayyy!!!! You updated. Took me too long to get around to reading your update. hah. I really love your writing. and I love this plot. When you first posted this story, I read it and then I moved on and read other things while I was waiting for you to update this. And its really weird because the hole week or so of me waiting for this update I just kept remembering this one line, 

The man before him had no odor that Lassiter could discern, not one of sweat or other natural body odor or of cologne.

Its so weird! I just keep thinking about that line!!! haha. Anyway, other then that weirdness. I love this story. KEEP IT UUUPPPP!!!! WOO...



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your review and support! :D So happy having you as a reader enjoying the plot and the writing in itself! :D *IMMENSE BLUSHING* :D I love that a line that struck you as kind of peculiar stuck with you as you waited for the next chapter. :) 

Thanks again!!! *crosses fingers* Will work towards an update sometime this week. :D 

 

~silverluna

Reviewer: marniewings Signed [Report This]
Date: August 14, 2012 9:34 pm Title: Chapter 2: I Count The Ways To Disappear

Awesome can't wait for more

Author's Response:

Thanks for your review! Happy to hear you enjoyed the update! :)

 

~silverluna



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