Date: January 13, 2013 3:06 pm Title: Chapter 9
I just discovered your fic and I really enjoy it ! Keep updating and keep writing you're talented!
Date: August 24, 2012 11:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
This story is so good! Considering the subject matter for characters that are usually seen in light-hearted and fun situations, you are really keeping them amazingly in character. Can't wait to read the next chapter! :)
Date: August 18, 2012 9:39 am Title: Chapter 6
Okay I take my last comment back. Nice detail in the final chapters. Good thought process. That's what I was hoping for.
I agree with everyone; that part with Wendy is very touching. And the scene with lassie and Shawn is well written. I love the very last sentence with Shawn's dialogue. It takes a ton of strength and and boat loa of pain and fear to have someone like shawn completely drop their normal facade in front of someone, especially someone who shares the same I-bug-you-you-hate-me relationship as Shawn and lassie do.
Great job. I like it. I'm gonba be checking on a daily basis for a new chapter.
Date: August 17, 2012 1:27 pm Title: Chapter 3
So far I like it. I think this story deserves more review than it has received. It's a saddening concept and I like it.
Some comments, though. I think you could maybe slow down your pace just a tad. I haven't finished the story or what you've posted, but I think you could improve your story more if you have deeper thoughts and maybe a little more detail. also, when you change POV's, maybe break it with a line because I would get confused sometimes. But that's not a big issue. Lastly, you can use apostrophes. When you write dialogue, unless it's a specific conscious style, you tend to make them talk like robots. "I am going to do this." rather than how people normally speak, "I'm going to do this." or "I'm gonba do this." Kay?
But passing the criticism, you write very well. You use some words that are considered "smart words" because they're rarely use in average conversation. And you do a good job with knowing your stuff. So kudos. I agree that there should be more Comments. And I feel the same about my most recent story. But good job. Keep writing!