Date: August 01, 2017 5:43 am Title: Epilogue
I'm sitting in a puddle of lemon juice. XD I kept waiting for a joke to hit - like, he wasn't actually dead, or some twist or another - but nope.
I am severely depressed now.
Author's Response: Nope, he's dead. I wasn't playing around with this one. *shakes head* I understand your pain and I apologize for it... But as always, I'm also glad to see the lemon juice, because that means I did something right. This one is honestly probably the best thing I've ever written, or one of the best anyway. I'm glad you liked it---and also, thanks for loving Lassie, because he really came undone in this one and he needed your love.
Date: August 01, 2017 5:29 am Title: Ambition
I'm sitting here reading this like "LASSIE! I still love you!" So much lemon juice XDD
Author's Response: I kinda had that same reaction while writing the stupid thing. THE FEELS. :-D Let the lemon juice flow, my friend.
Date: May 17, 2015 6:03 pm Title: Epilogue
This was really good and I'm crying and nooooooo this is so sad
Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate you reading it. It's probably wrong of me to say I'm glad it made you cry, but I really am happy that you liked it. :-)
Date: August 24, 2014 10:52 am Title: Epilogue
First off, I apologize for taking so long to get your review written! And that's all the longer I'll take up good writing space with self-recrimination lol!
With regards to this story. From the first bit of introduction, this story set up a feeling of incredible foreboding. That it would be a deathfic was never hidden, but the way you structured it made it highly convincing that Shawn would be the victim. Right up until that critical chapter, it still read as more than likely that Shawn would die.
What really impressed me was the way you developed Lassiter's mental anguish. There is enough to work with, especially in earlier seasons, that just a few tweaks here and there can rebuild him from the man we got to know into a man struggling with the illness of depression. And how you handled that was incredibly sensitive! At no point was Lassiter “evil” or a bad guy. He was hurting and fighting and you showed his pain without ever making him wrong for that.
The chapter where Lassiter had Shawn at gunpoint was so powerful! There is so much raw agony in the confrontation. And in rereading, I feel as though, even with the gun against his own head, Shawn knew what the outcome was going to be. He was only ever pleading for Lassiter's life – not his own.
I think the most agonizing part of this, just after the wrenching manner of Lassiter's death, was the revelation that Shawn, himself, had been left as a living suicide note. THAT was a blend of horrifying and genius! And with Shawn's memory as well as the trauma of that experience, it's something that he would live with, very much in the forefront of his brain, for the rest of his life. This is something he'll never be able to laugh away or brush aside. He was irreparably altered from that point on.
In that final epilogue, you wonderfully wrapped it all up by returning to the “article” format of a story being told from an outsider's perspective. There is deep respect for Shawn's change in profession but there is also the “reading between the lines” aspect too. The fact that he moved to Sacramento. And the heartwarming and wonderful fact that Gus followed him and reopened Psych (that made me so happy!) And there is also the deep sadness in that Juliet remained in Santa Barbara – that whatever had built up between herself and Shawn had been broken. There will always be grief, now. There will always be that shadow over their futures and it makes me so sad. But that is also the most powerful part of this entire story. It tells the story of depression and suicide without preaching about it. It is personal and heartbreaking and it shows how it changes those who knew the person who'd died. And maybe it's the fact this was posted shortly before Robin Williams' also died that makes this story particularly relevant.
You have written something that is lasting in the way it affects me as a reader. I have an ache in my chest and tears in my eyes and there are not many stories that cling this way, long after they've been read. You have a tremendous talent for storytelling and for building up emotions and I hope you never stop writing!
Author's Response: I just want to let you know that I agonized for a couple days over how to respond to this because all I could think to do was say thank you over and over again, but somehow that didn't seem like enough. I honestly don't know what to say. You've said so many kind things about my little fic! Thank you for your analysis and for pointing out the things you liked and the things that worked. That really is incredibly helpful! I'm overjoyed that the message of the story was able to get across. I really wanted to leave the reader with a strong feeling, and I'm so glad I was able to do that. I know people who suffer with depression and I know how powerful the effect it has on a person can be, so this was definitely a very personal story for me in many ways. I'm glad you liked the epilogue as well. I wanted them to have a happy ending, or as happy as they could be, but I knew that there was no way Shawn and Juliet could ever be able to stay together. I'm also glad you caught the living suicide note! I wasn't sure what kind of reaction that would get. The notion seemed strange to me at first, but the more I considered it, the more I knew I had to do it. I was inspired by the tradition of the dying man giving his children his last words, and also by the Biblical story of Isaac giving Jacob his blessing when he was near death. I wanted to make Shawn the "speaker for the dead," to borrow a phrase from Orson Scott Card. I didn't even consider the connection to Robin Williams. I think that just goes to show that the story of a needless death is much more common than we think. After reading everything you've said, I'm kind of wondering if maybe you read the right story! I've definitely set the bar high for myself, it seems. I knew from the beginning that this was the best story I've ever written, so I'll apologize in advance for what you'll have to dig through when/if I finish the other story I've entered into the Ficathon. Well, I said a lot more than I intended to, and more than I thought that I could. And probably more than you wanted to hear. So I'll just say thank you, again, and I greatly appreciate your input! It means a lot to me.
Date: August 23, 2014 9:44 pm Title: Epilogue
Wow... I honestly can't believe a story like this has only fifteen reviews. It's just so amazing and beautiful. I can't put into words how incredible this small yet ultimately profound fic is. It is one of the most heartbreaking, yet true to life fanfictions I have ever read. You managed to keep everyone so perfectly in character and at the same time made it so heartwrenchingly amazing. Great job.
Author's Response: I can't tell you how much your reaction means to me. Thank you so much for the encouragement!
Date: August 12, 2014 6:38 pm Title: Epilogue
Honestly, there are no words that could adequately describe the journey I just went on.
This is soul-crushingly sad, but so well strung together that I just couldn't stop reading once I had started.
Thank you for writing this. It's truly a work of art.
My only regret is not finding this story when you first began to post it.
Author's Response: I can't tell you how much I appreciate this review. You let me know that I accomplished everything I set out to achieve. This is the first time that any of my writing has ever been called art, and I thank you from the deepest place of my heart. Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you managed to find this little story of mine!
Date: July 31, 2014 11:12 am Title: Recovery
Incredible. Just amazing.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm truly happy to know that you enjoyed it. I always try to make an impact. Thank you so much for reading! :-)
Date: July 31, 2014 9:43 am Title: Recovery
Thank you, I needed a good cry. :(
Author's Response: Well, I'm glad I could give you one. That's what I'm here for! You have no idea how much it means to me to know that my little story made such a reaction in you. I put more thought and effort into this chapter than any of the others. Thank you so much!
Date: July 22, 2014 9:13 pm Title: The End
Hey PH. I've finally finished reading the rest of the chapters! And I have to say despite you spoiling me (which I completely forgot with all the things going on with my life right now), I knew what he was going to do by chapter 2, or at least suspected what he was going to do. The other chapters just told me "Yea he's going to do it." The thing that made me suspected in chapter 2 was the fact that Lassiter has been thinking about it since before the Academy, which made me think that what's troubling him is a lot deeper than what damage Shawn had caused. It isn't out of the question for a strong character like Lassiter to completely and utterly breakdown in such a way that resorts to his decision. Also most people love Shawn too much to let Lassiter do anything to him, not that you're most people :D But you don't have a record of "giving Shawn the cut" if you know what I mean. Anyway great story. Maybe I’ll work on catching up in Roulette before my summer ends :(
Author's Response: Thank you, Luna! I appreciate you reading it. :-) I think Shawn, for all his angst and complaining, just isn't at heart the type to do that to himself. And I know what you mean. :-D May your last bits of summer be joyous ones! Soon it's back to the grind for us all...