Date: October 13, 2014 2:08 pm Title: Chapter 1
I really like your take on Shawn's introspective worries—blaming himself, imaging the worst case and what-if scenarios, wondering helplessly over Yang's perspective of his own terrible, impossible situation. I also love how you've portrayed Shawn as overwhelmed, from his feeling light-headed to vomiting, to the rapid jump of all his thoughts, not sure how he's going to figure it all out, now that Yin got to him by invading his head.
Gus' eyes widened at the revelation. "Oh my God, he's been planning this for over a year?"
"How am I going to compete with that?!" His anger flared up again and he threw his hands up in frustration. "He's had a year to plan this and I have only as much time as he’s willing to give me. Minutes maybe?” He suddenly wished for Yang’s ticking clock, at least then he’d know how much time he had left. “He's holding all the cards Gus, and I don't think I can bluff this one anymore. One of them is going to die... and he gets to choose which one, not me."
I really loved this part above—it perfectly illustrates how vulnerable Shawn is, and how human he is. He has no audience to impress, no one to hold it all together for—since Gus knows exactly what Shawn's going through. It's nice to see him a little less confident here, because in the episode we really didn't get any sense that Shawn thought he could lose. (There was, of course, those moments of him not knowing who to rescue first, and who he should go to, when he figured some things out.) Here, he's really scared that he might not be able to pull off figuring out Yin's end game and save the day for both of his girls. I also love Gus' horror when they realize Yin's plan has been ongoing for a year, because in the episode, there isn't a ton of emotion coming from Gus; he mainly seems to support Shawn, so to see him worried here too puts the whole thing into perspective: They really could lose. Abby and Jules could both die, Yin could get away with murder.
Also loved the look into Carlton's head. At first, I thought he was angry at Shawn for the whole mess, but then I realized that he was counting on Shawn to come through, and acknowledged to himself how difficult the position Shawn had been put in, and wondered if he could handle it if the roles were reversed. Loved that Carlton snaps out of it and is the one to order other officers to go find Buzz. Others may have forgotten about Buzz, but not Lassiter. I see him thinking that there's already one missing officer and that there better not be two, not on his watch!
But I also like that he hasn't completely turned to mush:
Carlton got up from the table and started to pace. He was restless and wanted to sprint out that door along with the other officers. Even if it was to find McNab. At least then he'd be doing something besides standing here waiting for the killer to make his move. "He better. If O'Hara dies because he has a sudden lapse in his abilities..."
Nor is he ready to admit, aloud anyway, that he can sympathize a bit with Shawn's situation. He still seems angry—but more in a worried, scared way. He doesn't want to lose Juliet anymore than Shawn does, but like Shawn, he can hardly do more than sit on his hands and wait for Yin's clues. He felt helpless, and it was killing him.
When he got there, his eyes caught on Juliet's pink coffee mug sitting on the shelf just as she left it. He felt a twist in his gut at the thought of her never using the God awful thing ever again; as much as he’d complained that detectives don’t drink out of girly cups with puppies on them. His, lower lip started to twitch, and his hands shook badly as he grabbed the coffee pot and started to pour it in his own cup.
GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH THE FEELS!!! I loved it, what a perfect little private moment, how he's taken that for granted, that stupid little mug and the person who drinks out of it every day.
Uh oh . . .
Catching his breath, Gus replied, "Okay, the good news is that I got him out of the bathroom."
"Well what's the bad news Mr. Guster?" Karen asked, her face scrunched in worry.
"The bad news is that he's now on the roof."
Henry was out the door in an instant, with Gus following him. He ignored Karen's shout of his name and headed for the small closet and narrow stairs that led to the roof. "Why the hell did he go up there Gus?" He asked as they trudged through the station.
"He got real quiet after realizing how long Yin had been messing with him, and he suddenly ran off again. I followed him to the stairs."
Well, isn't that a creepy development? Shawn is in an even worse place emotionally than initially thought. But at least he's just up there to think. Loved the Henry-Shawn talk; Henry's reasoning isn't always so far off. (Except when it comes to childhood Easter egg hunts, and such.)
"You know that won't solve anything, Shawn. This guy loves his game. If not you, he'll just find another person, and another, and another until he's stopped." Henry kneeled in front of Shawn, placing his hand on the ball, stilling it. "This is something you have to finish."
I kind of like the idea of Henry steering Shawn back towards what he has to do. He knows Shawn is worried, questioning his own abilities, yet he also knows his own son pretty well. He knows Shawn can do anything he puts his mind to, and has a high case solved rate to prove it. Not to mention all the training he did with Shawn as a child. He has zero doubt that Shawn can figure everything out. It shows how much their relationship has grown too that Shawn can accept Henry's words and take them to heart.
Loved the ending, so perfect! I can really believe that Shawn has his head back in the game!
Author's Response: I'm so happy you got all the feelings I was going for with each of them, especially Lassiter. He's such a hard guy to introspect. I love your reviews so much! Thank you a million times.
Date: August 23, 2014 7:26 pm Title: Chapter 1
Excellent work. Needed to be written and you filled in the blanks nicely. Everyone was fully in character, and I liked how you were able to cover all the things Shawn might have felt/said/done without it being too wordy.
Author's Response: I am finicky about staying in character in my stories so really glad you thought I did a good job.
Date: August 21, 2014 7:03 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was one of the very best expanded--additions to one of my very favorite episodes of Psych! You did a marvelous job with the characters, dialogue and the story line--holding true and yet elaborating in a way I wish the show would have had the time to do. Thank you so much for sharing ;^)
Author's Response: *Huge Grin* Thanks, I really tried to do such an awesome episode justice.
Date: August 20, 2014 9:31 pm Title: Chapter 1
I'm so loving this!!! Shawn losing it in the bathroom is literally exactly what I'd envisioned so that was freaking spot on!!
Carlton let out a frustrated growl, as he stood in front of her. He felt helpless, and it was killing him. "Karen, he pointed us in the wrong direction already and it got someone killed. I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket in case he's wrong again. Are you willing to take that chance too? Not just of him being wrong either, what if he can't do it?"
FAVORITE lines! I just love how you've written Lassiter's comments – so VERY him and you can just feel the stress bleeding out of him!
Also the shaky hands and DOBSON!! It's so delightful to see him in stories, now, knowing who he is!!
The part with Juliet was freaking epic and unexpected! I love that you included that part with her! Yin sounds pitch perfect too and his creepiness is awesome! I love the way he leads the conversation and his moments where he slips with his emotional control and you really see how dangerous he is and unstable.
The part on the rooftop is just genius! I adore the backstory you provided of Shawn going up there when he was young and having his own special “place”. It's so wonderful and sweet!
"What if I just left." Shawn said, looking up at him for some kind of answer. "If I left, then he'd have no reason to kill them. Right?"
I can totally imagine him asking that. It would fit with his desperation and just grabbing any possible salvation. He was truly willing to sacrifice anything to save them.
I am delighted the way you wrote this right until the moment when Yin called. It was a great way to end this and lead right into the episode again!
Thank you for this awesome fic!!
Glad you liked the part with Juliet. It was a bit unexpected for me too, but I wanted to show how EVERYONE was feeling, plus it bugged me that somehow Juliet knew about Abigail, and they never explained how. Yin was fun to write. Cultured yet cynical. Smart yet batshit crazy. :)
Desperate Shawn is fun to explore. I had to put him in the bathroom because there was no way he was breaking down in front of everyone. Gotta love his ego.
Date: August 20, 2014 7:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
I am so glad you gave in to the plot bunnies. This was fantastic. The Yang trilogy were some of my favorite episodes and I love seeing stories that tie in with them.
I especially loved the bit with Lassiter. He is one of my favorite characters and was ignored during most of the Yang episodes. I know the focus is supposed to be on Shawn but it was still Lassiter's partner that was stolen. No way he remains stoic and unaffected through all that. He may try to hide it but he is still human.
I agree that you couldn't have Shawn confident when Yin called. This is his low point, when he is closest to surrender. Yin almost broke him here and would of if it wasn't for the support of Henry and Gus.
You did an absolutely fantastic job on this. Definitely one of my favorite shorts.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I wanted to show how everyone was feeling. I agree that they should have shown more worried Lassie, but the hug on the clock tower made up for that. Still one of the most epic scenes with those two.