Date: December 16, 2015 11:14 am Title: Chapter 1
Oh! I forgot something. I noticed that at the beginning, you kind of bounced around a little between past tense and present tense. That might be something you'd like to keep an eye on in future chapters; it's better to stay consistent so things don't get confusing. :-)
Date: December 16, 2015 11:13 am Title: Chapter 1
The address is hilarious, and a great fact. :-D I like your description of the neighborhood and the way Shawn behaved there (chaining up his Norton, etc.). It was a good way to describe that as being "off."
I hope that in the next chapter, you tie in that neighborhood to what happened next. Does the weird part of town have anything to do with what happened to Henry, or is it just window dressing? If the latter, that's just fine because you described it well, but there's just something about this chapter that didn't strike me as being cohesive. I know that's a terrible way to explain it. But I kind of felt like you were setting this up for two different stories. Unless, of course, they actually are connected in some way...
I'm sorry, because I know that's a terrible way to explain it and not overly helpful, but I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts into words today. :-D
Anyway, good work, and I look forward to the next chapter!
Date: December 01, 2015 1:37 am Title: Chapter 1
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