Reviews For Shine
Reviewer: PineappleHead Signed [Report This]
Date: May 30, 2017 8:51 pm Title: Chapter 3

This is just good. I'm not going to go picking through things that I particularly liked the way I did for the last chapters, because there would be too many things to point out. Just know that this story is that darn good.

Reviewer: inquietrooms Signed [Report This]
Date: May 28, 2017 1:41 pm Title: Chapter 3

to put it simply, this story has so far rendered me speechless. your writing style is AMAZING. the flawless descriptions and similes and everything else make this a joy to read. i am completely hooked on the plot, and i love the characterization. all in all, i can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm so so happy you liked it friend! Alas I'm in a bit of writer's block right now (due to stress + life I guess) but I have no intention of forgetting about this story, so never fear. Also, comments always bring me great joy. Thanks a lot :D

Reviewer: PineappleHead Signed [Report This]
Date: May 14, 2017 9:46 pm Title: Chapter 2

...he'd finally, finally understood the unsuspected logic behind Lassiter's rage. It had made him think - all those rants, all that poorly-capped furious hissing falling on deaf ears through radios and dirty fishy hallways and places where civilians shouldn't be - how many of those were born out of this feeling, out of worry, of the gut-wrenching fear of losing pieces and not being enough to prevent it?

This is good. This is really good. And I don't think you know how good this is, so I'm going to tell you how good this is. Long sentences + lots of commas + unbroken flow = amazing stream-of-consciousness and a strong sense of confusion/fear/fatigue. Very good for setting the tone. The second "finally," driving home that point of a lightbulb moment; subtle, very nice. "Unsuspected logic" is something that I want to steal for a title. Great use of an unexpected adjective. Very fresh. Poorly-capped, another good one. Unusual phrases like that stand out very well in your writing. Also, lots of great description here.

Shawn Spencer had always been the best at slipping through cracks - especially his.

YES.

The contrast between "logical-mind" and "friend-mind" is brilliant and impactful.

like a seismograph specifically crafted for Spencer-waves, or those NASA super-computer detecting sounds all the way across the universe, the echoes of exploding stars.

Holy Shatner, can I just steal all of your descriptions? I just want to toss them into my little Nintendo backpack and run away with them to Europe or something, and just make a living by selling black-market similes.

The prom flashback was great character insight. I loved it.

He blinked again, at the undecided giant beetle watching him with his headlights-eyes. Ah. He kept standing there for a few more seconds, swaying a little on his feet. Then everything clicked in like a sledgehammer smashed through the brain, a ruinous fall of the dyke holding back the whole ocean.

Another giant yes.

Also, I see what you did there, with your factually accurate portrayal of Gus getting hypothermia and going into shock. Very nice.

You mentioned Vulcans!! I love you!

Carltonese-English-----that is *money.*

I love literally everything about the interaction between Lassiter and Jules. Far too much to write every comment that came to my mind.

Bubblegum Shawn and Lassie-conscience are perfect. Especially Lassie-conscience and the little details you threw in, the scent of gunpowder. And the part about Shawn being like a self-cleaning oven for Jules---also fabulous.

And now I will stop writing, because I've said enough for this chapter already. :-D
Sorry if I sound too much like an English teacher. This stuff is kind of what I live for. And, well, you seemed to like the last review. :-D
I like to stockpile nice comments, too, so I know exactly how you feel. It's always a great pick-me-up to know that somebody out there *gets* it. :-)

Author's Response: UUUH another amazing review to store in my personal cave like a dragon hoarding validation - kidding, but really, it means a lot to me. I'm not exactly the fastest of writers so at least I'm happy the chapters are worth it! And awww you makes my heart sing saying you love my Jules/Lassie interaction: their friendship is probably my favorite relationship on the show (though it's hard to pick one) and they're so adorable and important. In truth my fave to whump and stuff is dear Lassie, especially with fussing mother-hen Jules - and by the way, always mention Vulcan U-U thank you so, so much

Reviewer: PineappleHead Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 10, 2017 11:56 am Title: Chapter 1

Love the idea of Shawn comparing his missed opportunities to a collection of comic books. That metaphor was pure genius right there.

Comparing Yang’s claws to meat hooks in a pig---shudder-worthy imagery! Actually, that entire paragraph is just perfection, for a variety of reasons.

YOU MENTIONED SPOCK!!! I love you. You are my new favorite. Yes. This is good.

Anyway. I love it that you expanded on what happened after Despereaux abandoned them, because there are a lot of things that can go wrong in unfamiliar wilderness that the show never quite discussed.

You have a lot of talent. Especially for metaphor and simile. No cliches here. Your writing is quick, flowing, and honestly very fresh and refreshing. Thanks for writing.

Can't wait to read Chapter 2!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!!! This is honestly one of the best reviews I've ever read - I think I'll save ti somewhere and re-read it when I feel particularly down, it's THIS good for the soul. Hope you like the rest too :D

Reviewer: harakiri Signed [Report This]
Date: April 26, 2017 1:37 pm Title: Chapter 3

This is great, more please! :D Can't wait to see how you reunite Jules and Shawn (and Gus)!

Incidentally, it also fits Drag's new AU challenge, you should totally enter it!



Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! And yeah, the challenge sounds great - I really may give it a try :D

Reviewer: Koohii Kappu Anonymous [Report This]
Date: April 02, 2017 5:53 pm Title: Chapter 3

I need more.

Give me more.

No, wait, let me go back and read the beginning again first.

THEN give me more.

Or, y'know, just give me more now. Please.

*continues to cry*

Author's Response: Oh my god THANK YOU SO MUCH this is one of the sweetest/best review I've ever got! I hope the next chaps will not disappoint (I'm awful at keeping regular updates, but I'll do my very best!)

Reviewer: Koohii Kappu Anonymous [Report This]
Date: April 02, 2017 5:33 pm Title: Chapter 2

ertrjdyktfugtkriytktujgfkyhvchfckxti56eyrktryghfchgdtskerd!!

I'm incoherent! Everything about this blew my mind! *cries in a corner*

Author's Response: I'm so so happy you liked it dear- and yeah so many feelings ;A;

Author's Response: I'm so so happy you liked it dear- and yeah so many feelings ;A;

Reviewer: Koohii Kappu Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 02, 2017 5:20 pm Title: Chapter 1

WHAT. THE. HEY.
This is beautiful! Like seriously, I can't breathe XD Augggggg it's so well written and you REALLY pulled on my heartstrings and owww! My heart's sore ; - ; This really is an amazing story, and you did an amazing job!

Author's Response: I have no words to say how happy and grateful I am for your review! thank you so much!

Reviewer: Ellie P. Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 07, 2017 8:41 pm Title: Chapter 2

yessss! I love this!! keep updating!!!

Reviewer: MamaAngel Signed [Report This]
Date: November 06, 2016 10:00 pm Title: Chapter 1

Hooked! Such a descriptive and emotional beginning! Write on, please.



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