- Text Size +
Story Notes:
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HERE WE GO!

I guess I’ll start out by telling you this was originally a random entry in my journal. I was listening to “Starts With One” by Shiny Toy Guns, and the lyrics go, “It feels so, It feels so, It feels so cold.”  I was feeling a little down, and I started to write how I was feeling.  Then it nagged at me a little, and I started thinking about Juliet and Shawn and “Oh hey, I wonder what would happen if Shawn found Juliet’s upturned car on the side of the road?”  I know I’m morbid, what can I say?

 

 

I feel so...

Trapped. A fortress of jagged metal surrounds me, barring escape. I try to pull myself up, but I am thwarted as millions of tiny pins retaliate against my efforts. I let out a soundless cry, then lie still, biting my bottom lip until I taste blood.

I feel so...

Anxious. Lightning illuminates the sky above, shortly followed by a burst of roaring thunder. My mind wanders for a brief moment to something familiar and I see myself on the beach, the thunder reminding me of crashing waves.

I feel so...

Cold. Silent raindrops begin their assault, steadily gaining force with each passing second. I close my eyes, allowing tears and the raindrops to mingle as a stinging numbness begins to take hold of my body.

 

 

These were the three paragraphs I had written in my journal before coming to the conclusion that they could be about Juliet in a car accident.  MusicalLuna and I had been talking and she had been telling me to “WRITE WRITE WRITE”, so I showed her these paragraphs and told her my idea.  And this is where normal life as I knew it came to an end.



I feel so...


Alone. Seconds, minutes, hours...time holds no meaning as I lay there, unnoticed, in my steel prison. I do my best to remain optimistic, but dark thoughts begin to spread through me like a virus in my solitary state.

 

 

Alone was one of the first words I had come up with during the brainstorming session with Luna. Then I had to come up with more words.  And after that, I had to figure out what order to put them in.  And all the while, Lu is going, “YES, MORE WORDS, I WANT MORE WORDS!” and I was silently cursing her.



I feel so...


Hopeless. I begin the slow and steady process of shutting down. Familiar faces glide airily throughout my mind; my mother, my father, friends, co-workers. I find my thoughts lingering on his image and a deep wave of regret fills my lungs.

 

 

“Hopeless” gave me trouble, if I remember. I had one sentence written and it was crap, and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it.  Again, Lu beat me up until I came up with something, and I actually really like this paragraph.



I feel so...


Confused. A dull rumbling reaches my ears and I begin straining to figure out the noise. I search my clouded mind and remember that I am on a road not often traveled; I must be imagining the sound.

I feel so...

Relieved. The rumbling grows louder and louder until the unmistakable sound of an engine stops somewhere behind me. I open my eyes and begin to turn my head in the direction of the footsteps, but my body rebels against my actions once more. I try to call out to my hopeful savior, yet my voice refuses to comply.

I feel so...

Hopeful. I hear a thud and the footsteps grow more rapid, the sound of the soft ground squelching beneath a pair of shoes. I tip my head as far as my aching body will allow in time to see my savior crashing to his knees, spraying my face with mud and stale rainwater. Sputtering, I regain my focus and concentrate on my savior. Recognition immediately grips me and a surge of joy rushes through my veins.

 

 

I love “hopeful” for the image of Shawn dropping his helmet and running towards Juliet.  The whole time I’m writing this, I’m commenting to Luna about how it looks and what Shawn is doing.  The thing about this was it was like writing two stories at once.  Everything is from Juliet’s point of view, but I had to imagine it from both her and Shawn’s points of view.



I feel so...

Shocked. The panicked look on his normally mischievous face slackens my joyful state, replacing it with a blow of surprise. I follow the movements of his hands, hovering, unsure. Hot, unsteady breath tickles my face as he lowers himself towards me and I watch his eyes moving rapidly over my frame, slowly working their way to my face. Once they reach their destination, our eyes lock together and his fearful gaze pierces my own with the force of a thousand bullets, hitting me all at once.

 

 

I loved the “force of a thousand bullets, hitting me all at once.”  It just makes my throat close up at the thought.



I feel so...

Bewildered. With trembling hands he reaches out, lightly brushing them over my cold cheeks. I can feel his palms shaking against my damp skin as he applies more and more pressure to my face. He finally rests them tightly on my cheeks and I can feel his weight shifting, as if he can no longer support his own body. I close my tired eyes and listen as urgent, muffled whispers escape his quivering lips, attaching themselves to my ears, but I have yet to decipher their meaning. Every fiber of my being screams with the desire to understand.

 

 

Somewhere around here, my descriptions started getting a little more detailed, so Luna comes up with the brilliant idea of making each “I feel so” paragraph one sentence longer than the last one.  I say brilliant because the story looks beautiful that way, but I wanted to rip her head off while writing it because it took FOREVER to go back and add more and more description. 

 

I’m NOT the queen of description.  Most of what I write is short and sweet.  So this was like a super challenge for me.

 

Lu just smacked me and told me to get over it.  I cried while I wrote these.  Tears of rage and pain.  Big ones.



I feel so...

Conflicted. His hands begin shaking more violently and the whispers become more forceful with each word that departs his mouth. Realization dawns on me as I finally come to comprehend his anxious babbling. "Oh God, please, Juliet, please don't die. Just...just hang on, I'm going to get you help. Oh, Jules." A small ounce of fear rises to my throat, threatening to overtake me as I listen to his fearful words. I open my eyes and the feeling is abruptly overrun by a growing sense of comfort when I look at him. His presence is like a soft breeze on a warm day; it soothes me. I feel his hand squeeze my own and I am at peace.

I feel so...

Abandoned. Fear begins to grip me once more as he loosens his hold on my hand. Soft whispers depart his lips but I do not hear them, concentrating solely on the fact that he is slipping away from me. I try to hold on, but to no avail; he's let go. He straightens and moves out of my line of vision, causing my panic to rise even further. Where is he going? He just got here, he can't leave me! I need him, come back! His voice reaches my ears, but I need to see; I need his face, his warmth, his touch. My head turns in his direction, causing my nose to be greeted by the sickly sweet smell of saturated grass and mud. I weakly reach out in the direction of his voice and force myself to be heard. "Shawn..."

 

 

And this is where I started b***hing and moaning about the description.  I felt like I kept saying the same things over and over as I was writing them.  I would send them to Lu after each sentence while spazzing, “IS THIS OK? IS IT? I DON’T WANT TO WRITE THIS ANYMORE. I’M DONE. DON’T MAKE ME.”



I feel so...

Distressed. All of my urgent pleas go unnoticed as the heavy raindrops overcome the sound of my frail voice. I reach out further, blinding pain attacking my body like a legion of fire ants, yet I refuse to let myself give up, this time connecting with my target. With horribly shaking fingers, I tug feebly on his sodden pant leg and his name breaks free from my lips once more. "Shawn." Another shot of burning agony reveals itself and I am unable to hide my distress. The utter desperation must have been apparent in my tone and on my face, because I see his cell phone fall to the ground, his own body following shortly after. I try to ease my nervous breathing as I stare at his pale complexion, glowing gingerly in the soft light burning from the headlight of his bike.

 

 

Ah, “distressed.”  I think I rewrote this paragraph about 937 times.



I feel so...

Reassured. The familiarity of his face breathes new hope into my weary lungs and I gasp, loudly. Shock and worry are apparent in his gaze, his unsteady hands frozen, poised just above my face. A sudden sense of extreme longing grips me firmly while I stare only to gradually fade as he replaces his moist, tremulous hands upon my cheeks, stroking them lightly. A pleasant shiver of reassurance runs smoothly up my spine and I gratefully let my face rest within his comforting grasp, slowly forgetting the agonizing pain I felt only moments before. He falls closer, gently resting his balmy forehead against mine. The tantalizing smell of his hair, as tiny droplets of water weep lightly onto my face, seizes my nose and I deeply inhale the fruity scent it exudes; the delicious smell I have so often taken for granted in the past. Never again, I think determinedly.

 

 

I made Luna draw this out for me.  BAHAHAHAHA I wanted it.  Shawn’s head resting against Juliet’s head? I MEAN, COME ON, FOLKS.

 

Anyway, “reassured” is my favorite paragraph. I love every last bit of it. *inflates own ego*



I feel so...

Warm. Slight disappointment runs through me when he lifts up his head, bringing with him the calming fragrance of his hair, and his eyes once again fixate on me, hazel irises darting wildly around. I realize I can feel my teeth clattering against each other and his soft fingertips gently brush against my shivering, icy lips. "You must be freezing." The quaking in his voice betrays his intrepid facade and I wish I could comfort him. Then I feel a strong, clammy hand as it clasps with mine, his cold fingers intertwining with my own, causing my body to warm slightly from the feel of his soft skin against mine. He brings himself closer and, with a graceful tenderness, places our interlocked hands to his cheek. A painful expression flashes across his face and he opens his mouth only to close it again, as if he is unsure. He sighs, settling on, "I wish I could do better than this." He doesn't realize I stopped shivering when he brought my hand to his face.

 

 

I remember trying to describe to Luna exactly what Shawn was doing for “warm”.  Again, I felt like I was repeating the same things over and over, and I had to keep adding lines of description and I was starting to get very restless with how things were coming out.  But I kept going because I really wanted to finish this one (unlike most of my other fic).



I feel so...

Safe. My hand continues to rest on his cheek, still locked within his firm grasp. The stubble on his face feels prickly against my knuckles, but I gladly welcome the sensation. His grip tightens on my hand as he gently smoothes away a few stray hairs from my eyes, and I lean into his touch while the feeling of his heartbeat through his fingertips sends chills through my pained, tired body. Hot, sticky breath warms my tingling hand as I watch his chest rise and fall; the steady rhythm keeps my own breathing calm, despite the crushing weight of the wreckage upon me. Every trace of fear I had been harboring before this has vanished. Suddenly I hear the faint sound of wailing sirens in the distance and Shawn brings himself closer to me, his lips tenderly meeting my ear. "Help is coming, Jules. Just hold on a little longer." His delicate whisper is enough to rejuvenate my lifeless frame and I let out a whaling breath of relief. He brought me back when I was on the brink of death and I can't help but feel the explosion of a new life coursing through my veins.

I feel so...

Alive.

 

 

“Safe” and “Alive”.  I like the way “Safe” ended and really made you believe she felt alive after everything she had been through.  I wasn’t sure how to end this, and I wasn’t sure if “Alive” was the right word to use, but Lucy reassured me.  After all the moaning and whining I did to her during this, she still reassured me throughout the whole thing and helped me and encouraged me and even wrote the FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC companion.

 

This is one of my favorite fics I’ve ever written.  Maybe because it felt a little personal, but mostly because of how much emotion is in it.  It’s supposed to be overly sensory, which was a little bit of a challenge at times, but it was so much fun to write.  It made me extremely aware of everything around me as I was writing it.  Thinking about things I smell, see, touch; it was a really fun experience.



Enter the security code shown below: