The Art Project
Gus set the camera. He was so excited. This was the first time, he and Shawn would do something as naughty as this. Interpreting the schools art project in such a way was just ... naughty. When his parents knew what they were doing here, he would sink into the ground from pure shame. But that was exactly what made this such a great experiment. Filming their own porn movie. A spoof of course, to criticize the modern society. But naughty nonetheless. Just the idea made him hop in place like a little boy. They would do a perfect and artistically valuable piece of film. He could not wait to see the reaction of their teachers and classmates.
Shawn was in position, outside the door, only waiting for Gus´ signal. Now it was time to act professionally. After all, he was 17 and not 7 anymore. Gus called himself to order, and began.
"Aaaaand. Action!" he called.
Shawn opened the door and stepped in, holding the Pizza box like a pro. He smiled into the camera, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Well, hellooo." he said, shoving his hat a little more askew for show. "Pizza delivery. With extra salami." He threw the box up with one hand and caught it with the other, shaking it.
"Cut!" Gus cried. "Dude, what are you doing? Why are you shaking the Pizza box like that? That is totally ruining your believability as a Pizza delivery guy."
Shawn frowned, irritated, and opened the box. "But there isn´t even Pizza in here." he argued.
"That doesn´t matter." Gus insisted.
"But what´s a Pizza delivery guy without a Pizza?"
"You´re supposed to pretend, that´s all."
"But a real Pizza would most probably enhance my performance." Shawn said smiling. Then he dropped the smile. "Plus you promised there´d be catering." he recalled, demandingly.
"But there is." Gus shrugged. "We have crispbread and non-fat water. What do you want?"
Shawn was not amused. He took off his hat, very grim. "I want a pizza." he said.
Gus closed his eyes. That wasn´t good. Before he didn´t get what he wanted, he would not do another scene, and that meant they would not be able to finish their art project.
"All right. I go and buy you one."
"But it´s sunday."
"Then I´ll order one."
"But it´s Christmas."
Gus halted. "Ah yeah." He tried to think.
It was a matter of analytic problem solving. Thanks god he was a master in that particular field. After only a few minutes of searching he had the solution at hand.
"We´re lucky." he told Shawn, reaching into the cupboard. "We have all we need to make a pizza of our own."
Shawn laughed, relieved. "Thanks God. I was afraid you´d say you had no fresh tomatoes at hand."
Gus halted. "Fresh tomatoes?"
"Sure. What´s a pizza without fresh tomatoes. That´d be as if you´d try to play a pizza delivery guy who has no pizza."
Gus sighed. His neck was starting to hurt. "Okay. My mother still has a tomato garden behind her crack lab."
Shawn obviously didn´t get the sarcasm. "Hm." he made, smiling widely. "Crack. You mom is even cooler than I thought.
Gus let his head hang.
Five minutes later they left the house.
"Come on, Shawn, hurry up." Gus called. "We need to catch the bus."
"But today is international no bus is driving day."
"What?" Gus shook his head. "All right, then we borrow Marty´s car."
"But today is the national whoever drives will be shot by snipers day."
Gus massaged the bridge of his nose. This was getting really exhausting. He tried to think. Still no reason to lose hope. They must be a way. And of course there was. If only Shawn would stop making those huuuiiiii sounds while he was riding behind him on the rack of his bicycle.
He managed three street with him sitting there, swaying like a five year old. Then he had to stop. This was not gonna to work.
He glanced to his right. An apartment. Quiet. The tennants must be out. Another glance to his left. Who the hell let a night stick lying around in the streets? But right now it did come in handy. He glanced at the apartment again.
"I bet THEY have tomatoes." he mumured.
And sure they had.
An hour later they were finally done and ready to shove the goddamn pizza into the oven. Gus was satisfied with his own way of handling the situation.
"That was that." he said, throwing the last tomatoe up and caught it again. "Now all we need to do is wait for your pizza to be done, and then we can start filming."
He bit the tomatoe, convinced of his victory, when Shawn turned to him, with a sad face.
"The oven is broken."
The tomatoe suddenly didn´t taste as good anymore.
It was a good thing that Gus had not thrown that night stick away just jet.
At last the new oven was in their kitchen and Shawn finally took the pizza out. He was smiling. Gus was not.
"I broke into two apartments, only for YOU to get your goddamn pizza." he ranted, just for the sake of it, but Shawn was not irritated by that. He only cared for the pizza that had gotten just perfect.
"Look." he showed it to Gus and he had to admit, it did look good.
"All right." he was a little more peaceful now. "I´ll quickly use to bathroom and then we finally start filming."
"I´m afraid we´re out of toilett paper." Shawn said.
Gus swung the night stick again, running straight at the window. Shawn was so lazy. Instead of just standing there, watching HIM do all the work, he could as well do his part in all of this. He was almost at the window, when a voice called out.
Gus stopped, just inches away from the glass. A guy was standing in the street, staring at them.
"What are you guys doing there?" he asked, scandalized.
"We´re shooting a porn movie." Gus answered, not getting the question. Beside him Shawn nodded, smiling widely. "Uhm, for purely artistic reasons." Gus hurried to ad.
"Purely." Shawn agreed.
The guy did not seem to understand them though.
"Dude." Shawn said all the sudden. "If we actually do a porn. Where are all the chicas?"
Gus only smiled. What a question. And touched his nose.