It was always annoying to catch a cold when you had an important job interview, especially when it came with this very hard and dry coughing. Gus never could quite speak when he had a cough like that. People never understood what he was trying to say. The only person who knew him long and good enough to understand him was Shawn. And so the solution was simple.
"Enter." a male voice called when he knocked and they both answered. "Ah, Mr. Guster." the man behind the desk smiled. His nameplate read Hamsang. Then he looked asking at Shawn.
"Oh, my name is Shawn." Shawn introduced himself. "Gus has a bad cough and I´m here to translate for him. You see this job interview is very important to him and he didn´t wanna cancel just because he has a cold."
"Very committed." Hamsang praised. "Please sit."
They did, and Gus tried to speak. Just a simple thank you for having me, just like he always did.
"He likes your tie." Shawn told Mr. Hamsang and Mr. Hamsang frowned.
"I ... don´t wear a tie." he reached for his collar, uncertain.
"Hm." Shawn made. "Maybe that was a hint? Maybe you should."
Gus slapped the back of his hand across Shawn´s arm and coughed.
"Why do you want to be a kindergarden teacher?" Mr. Hamsang called himself to order.
Gus began to explain. It was a new direction he wanted to try after pharmaceutical salesman didn´t work out anymore. He wanted to help the little ones to find the right way. Giving them a push in the right direction so to speak. God, his coughing was so bad.
Shawn gestured to calm him down and began translating.
"Since he can´t sell them he wants to push little kids onto the roadway." he smiled, then frowned. "Dude, that is kinda harsh."
Gus coughed, scandalized. This was not what he said.
"You love the smell of full diapers?"
Gus coughed, once. Then he turned to Mr. Hamsang. He tried to tell him, that he always remembered how he had watched over his sister when she was little and sweet.
"He has this van that he drives from which he gives out sweets to little kids."
Gus couldn´t believe it. He was driving an Echo!
"He drives naked!" Shawn translated.
Mr. Hamsang seemed to show a positive reaction this time. He was smiling. "I see." he said. "Now tell me what are your strengths?"
Gus was glad that at least this man could ignore Shawn´s shenanigans and so he answered. That he was always open for critique and could work so well in a team.
"He never leaves his flanc open when attacked and so he can stand his ground against ten." Shawn translated. "Wow, dude, you never told me."
Gus closed his eyes.
"Interesting." Mr. Hamsang said. "And what are your weaknesses?"
Gus looked at Shawn. That sometimes he was just too nice.
"That he is full of lice." Shawn made a face. "Ewwww."
"Okay." Mr. Hamsang rubbed his hands, trying to think. "Why do you want this job again?"
Money, Gus coughed.
"Money." Shawn translated.
"Right." Mr. Hamsang nodded. "I guess that leaves only one last question. Since we´re completely desperate ... When can you start?"
"Man, I should always speak for you." Shawn was happy when they left the building. "That went great."
Gus´ phone rang and he checked the display. Dammit, his mother.
"Oh, no problem." Shawn took the phone from him, too fast. "I talk to her." And he did. "Hi, Gus´ mom. How´s the menopause?"
Gus hit his forehead with his hand. Stop that! Tell her she shall send me a text.
"Gus says you shall stop texting him."
Gus tried to fetch the phone but Shawn avoided him. Tell her I have the job!
"He says you should quit your job?" Shawn wasn´t sure.
Gus rolled his eyes. HE had a job.
"I can´t understand it all but ... something about women belonging to the house and ... cooking?"
I hate you, Shawn.
"I shall tell you he hates you."
Why are you doing this to me? Gus coughed.
"He asks, why are you doing this to me? Any idea what he means?" Gus was beyond trying to fetch the phone back from him. If he wasn´t sick Shawn would be dead now. But he was sick, so he watched him listen to what his mother said.
"Aha. Yeah? Hmhm. Yeah. Sure. I tell him. Thanks." Shawn hung up. "She says thanks for cheering me up, and she´ll bake you a cake."
Gus took his phone back from him. At least his mother knew this idiot. He checked the time and froze. That late. His new girlfriend must be waiting already.
Shawn halted when he heard that and smiled. "Don´t worry buddy. I got this."
Gus tried to enter the Psych office before Shawn. His date was sitting on the couch, waving back when he waved.
"Gus wants sex." Shawn instantly said and Gus froze, staring at him.
"What? I just say what´s obvious."
I don´t want sex right now, Gus coughed, scandalized.
"You don´t want her?"
"What?" she cried. "Don´t you find me attractive anymore, or what?"
Gus got nervous. Of course I find you attractive, he coughed.
"Ah." Shawn understood. "He found another attractive girl." he translated and halted. "Wait. While we walked back here? Dude. That´s really not cool."
"Am I not enough for you anymore?" the girl got angry.
No, of course you´re enough, Gus coughed hard. Shawn´s an ass.
"He says it´s enough. You don´t have such a great ass like ... me?" he looked at Gus. "Dude! This is starting to get weird."
"What?" the girl held her head, completely irritated. "Really? Shawn from all the people in the world?"
Gus tried to explain himself. No. Of course not. Never.
"Every other from the street? Are you serious, dude?"
Gus let out his last breath.
"Guys." Shawn tried to communicate. "You can´t do that to yourselves. You need to work this out, so the flame won´t die. Try something new. Maybe a new role play."
The girl got excited. "You mean ..." she asked and Shawn nodded.
"Exactly. The mexican sausage diver." he said and raised the drilling machine.
Gus saw his date run away in shock.
This night, he was sitting under the shower, fully clothed, and just cried. Why? Why? Why?