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Author's Chapter Notes:
Enjoy the second chapter of the transcript! Let me know if I made any mistakes and I will do my best to fix them. Also, how do you make certain parts of the text italic or bold without making the WHOLE thing italic or bold?
EXT-SWEEPING AERIAL SHOTS OF SANTA BARBARA. DAY.

EXT-CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS. DAY.

We see a Central Coast Pharmaceutical sign. A cell phone rings. The camera pans over to GUS, who’s sitting in his car (the Blueberry). GUS answers his phone, smiling almost patronizingly.

GUS: Burton Guster. Central Coast Pharmaceuticals.

SHAWN (over the phone): Dude, I got a suspect.

GUS: I’ll call you back later, Shawn.

INT-POLICE DEPARTMENT DAY.

SHAWN is in a corner, talking into a phone.

SHAWN: No, you can’t. I left my cell phone in your car yesterday…along with a tuna sandwich.

Back to GUS’ car. GUS is looking around his car.

SHAWN (over the phone): I seriously hope you found that.

GUS: Later this afternoon, Shawn.

Back to SHAWN in the corner.

SHAWN: No, no, Gus, this happens now. The wedding’s tomorrow.

Back to GUS’ car. GUS hangs up the phone.

Back to SHAWN in the corner. He dejectedly hands the phone back to a CRIMINAL in a jail cell. The CRIMINAL puts the phone back on the wall.

CRIMINAL: Is he (GUS) coming?

SHAWN: Not yet...but we’re getting closer. Thanks...Stabber. (SHAWN walks away)

CUT TO INT-HOTEL. DAY.

SHAWN pops up in front of the camera. He sneaks down/off screen. We see two cops, LASSITER and JULIET pass by.

LASSITER: Mandatory briefing, Magnolia Room, fifteen minutes. Excuse us, please. Attorney General Maxwell.

MAXWELL, a man with greying hair and a suit, turns away from the counter to LASSITER. MAXWELL’S bodyguard stands next to him.

MAXWELL: Detective. (He shakes LASSITER’S hand) I trust we’re making progress.

SHAWN hides behind a giant plant in a big box.

LASSITER (VO): I am right on schedule, sir. I’ve booked myself a suite to use as a command center.

MAXWELL (VO): Why?

SHAWN peaks through a bunch of leaves.

LASSITER (VO): I’ll stay the night if I have to (LASSITER and JULIET are now on screen), keep an eye on things-

MAXWELL: The city’s not paying for that, is it?

LASSITER (lying): Uh, no?

MAXWELL: That ring has been in my family (SHAWN rustles the leaves, LASSITER and JULIET glance at the planter SHAWN is hiding behind) for two hundred years. My mother agonized over the decision to give it to my son. I’m not letting it get away now.

LASSITER: Sir, we are checking every person who came through that door-every employee, every guest.

MAXWELL: Nobody checks out of this hotel until we’re just short of going through every piece of their luggage.

LASSITER: Way ahead of you, sir.

MAXWELL: No, you’re not (He walks with his bodyguard).

LASSITER (to JULIET): What?

JULIET: Mm. (She shrugs, as if to say “nothing”)

SHAWN, who had popped up for the exchange, ducks quickly back behind the planter as LASSITER looks in his direction. LASSITER eyes the planter before walking off with JULIET. A SECURITY OFFICER peers over SHAWN’S shoulder.

SO: Can I (SHAWN jumps a little) help you, sir?

SHAWN smacks his lips.

SHAWN: I’m just…listening.

SO: For what?

SHAWN: “For what?” (SHAWN zooms in on a mask and latex gloves hanging from the SO’s belt) (Gravely) Lyme disease.

SO: Lyme disease?

SHAWN: Lyme disease. Rickets. Avitaminosis. Legionnaires’s. Bubonic. You name it. I want you to listen to something. (He knocks on the wood of the planter) (A hollow knock is heard) Hear that?

SO: Mm-hmm.

SHAWN: We have spores in the walls.

SO: Spores?

SHAWN: Know where else they are? (He jabs a thumb behind him at the planter) In the planter. You know where else? (He and the SO stand up) Everywhere (He gestures broadly in front of him) in the entire hotel.

SO: Who called you? Mike?

SHAWN: Mike? Is this a big joke to you? I don’t answer to Mike. Have you seen Mike lately? Mike can kiss my - - -. I was called in by the state inspector himself. Are you at all aware how dangerous this is?

SO: - - - - yes, I am!

SHAWN: Good. I’m glad. I need access to this whole place-elevator shafts, air vents, the safe room, obviously-

SO: The safe room is a crime scene.

SHAWN (pointing to a plant): This eucalyptus will be dead by lunch. The safe room will be a triage unit if I don’t get those spores (The SO covers his mouth was his medical mask briefly then lowers it) out of there.

SO: Understood. Can we let the cops finish up in there first?

SHAWN: You tell them to hurry.

SO: Oh, man. (He covers his mouth with the mask again before walking away)

SHAWN stands and ponders for a second before walking away.

INT-MAGNOLIA ROOM/LASSITER’S BRIEFING. DAY.

A b&w security video feed on a box TV appears of the wedding party in the safe room. They all bump into each other.

LASSITER (VO): Thirteen minutes after midnight (He appears on screen with the corkboard we saw earlier behind him and the TV to his right), members of the wedding party entered the safe room (The camera pans over JULIET along with a small party of 10-12 cops, seated and taking notes), placing the ring into a safety deposit box, which was slid into the safe (The video feed shows what LASSITER is describing) and closed for the night (he pauses the video) No sensors indicate that either the safe door or the lock box was opened again until the following morning (JULIET looks up from her notes). Please note (He plays the video), he (a man on screen) has activated the time-lock, which prevents the safe from opening. No one walks into that room again (MCNAB looks up from his notes) until the following morning when the ring is discovered missing.

MCNAB hesitantly raises his hand, a pen in it.

MCNAB: So it definitely didn’t disappear during the night.

LASSITER: Or so they would like you to think. However, if you look closely (He gestures to the TV with the remote), there are nine glitches on this tape.

JULIET leans forward in her seat.

JULIET (slightly confused): I’m sorry, glitches?

LASSITER: Seams. Static bursts in the image. Someone could have tapped in an alternate video feed of this room while it was empty or, more likely, as I believe, someone built a scale replica (He points to a blueprint of the safe room on the corkboard) of this room.

A stifled giggle is heard. We see cops pursing their lips and absentmindedly writing down notes.

LASSITER: Who laughed? Nobody?

JULIET has a smothered smile as she shares cursory glances with a detective to her right and left.

Another laugh is heard.

LASSITER: If someone disagrees with my theory, I’d like to know.

JULIET: It does seem...very elaborate.

MCNAB: And just a bit far-fetched.

LASSITER: Are you a detective? Why are you here?

The camera pans up from LASSITER to an air vent.

MCNAB (VO): You asked for all of us to come.

LASSITER: Oh. (LASSITER is seen through the air vent grate) Well, officer (SHAWN is seen in the air vent, watching), since you’re an expert on fetching, why don’t you fetch me a cup of coffee?

SHAWN laughs then covers his mouth.

LASSITER turns and glances around for the source.

MCNAB stands and leaves the room.

LASSITER: Moving on…all the employee alibis check out except this one (He flicks his finger against a photograph of a bearded man in a suit, the same picture seen earlier). Dietrich Mannheim. Currently the facilities manager. You may remember him from the security video. He was in the room when the ring was placed into the safety deposit box.

SHAWN leans closer to the grate for a better look.

LASSITER: During questioning, he was nervous, evasive, and contradicted himself more than once. (SHAWN covers his mouth with his fingers) His work computer history reveals that he recently visited websites for boats and expensive cars, and he failed to show up for work. Questions?

JULIET: Is this your only lead?

LASSITER: His responses to my interrogation were hostile at best.

JULIET: Clarify “hostile”.

LASSITER (slightly annoyed/patronizing): Use my time now as a guide.

EXT-AERIAL SWEEPING SHOTS OF SANTA BARBARA. DAY.

INT-A HOTEL CAFE. DAY.

JULIET is sitting at a table, picking at her food with a downcast expression. SHAWN enters the cafe and sees her. He brushes off his shoulders and sits in the seat opposite of her.

SHAWN: Detective O’Hara, all alone.

JULIET: Well, not anymore, apparently.

SHAWN: Work troubles? Yeah, I’m se- (he raises a finger to his temple) I’m sensing work troubles. Here (He moves a dish, a clink is heard), let me read your palm.

JULIET: How about just one finger?

SHAWN: Come, now. Let me see if I can be helpful.

JULIET: Why are you here?

SHAWN: The Maxwell Wedding. (JULIET nods, not quite believing him) Honestly. I was invited.

JULIET: By whom?

SHAWN: Beth. Bethany. The bride. Little baby “B”. (JULIET smiles and looks away) The “B” Sting. (SHAWN leans forward) I love her. God, Dylan is so lucky to have her. She grounds him (JULIET looks back up) in ways that he needed grounding. Don’t you think?

JULIET wears a small smile and gives a minuscule “why not?” shake of her head before offering SHAWN her hand.

SHAWN: She’s a good sport.

He takes her hand in both of his.

SHAWN: Air supply? Really. Kidding. Just kidding. Relax. This is work related.

JULIET looks down at her palm.

SHAWN: You thought this place would be different. But nobody respects your opinions. They all think you’re too young.

JULIET: Always.

SHAWN: Always.

He releases her hand.

SHAWN: You know...I think you and I could help each other.

JULIET: And how would that be?

SHAWN: Well, I know things. Things about rings.

JULIET (playfully): Oh, I thought you were here for a wedding.

SHAWN: I am...ish.

JULIET considers his offer. She folds her hands and rests her chin on top of them. SHAWN does the same.

JULIET: You first.

SHAWN smiles.

INT-CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS. DAY.
WOMAN #1 walks through a hall. She’s visible through panes of glass separating the hall from GUS’ office. She stands in the doorway.

WOMAN #1: I just got a message for you, Mr. Guster, and um...well, um, I’m afraid it’s about your cat.

GUS, who’s sitting at his desk, looks up confusedly from his work.

GUS: My cat?

WOMAN #1: The poor thing is in the animal hospital. They think her leg is broken.

GUS (carelessly): I’ll-I’ll get down there, later.

WOMAN #1: You’re not going?

WOMAN #2 walks by WOMAN #1 and, overhearing the conversation, stops.

GUS: I’m very busy.

WOMAN #1: But your cat needs you for moral support. The vet said it could be the difference (A/N: She means the difference between life and death).

GUS (still carelessly): La-ter.

WOMAN #2 (urgently): You have to go.

WOMAN #1: Mr. Guster, I know that you’re in shock. Don’t do anything you’re going to regret forever.

GUS: I don’t even-

WOMAN #3 joins the two women.

WOMAN #3: He’s not going?

GUS, having had enough, puts on a fake but pleasant smile and stands from his chair, collecting his coat. He leaves his office. WOMAN #1 looks on proudly and beams.

EXT-CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS. DAY.

SHAWN is lying on the hood of GUS’ car, perfectly at ease. GUS approaches him.

GUS (somewhat annoyed): So now I have a cat.

SHAWN claps his hands together and sits up.

SHAWN: An orange tabby. Last Christmas, you made her a tiny Santa hat. It was adorable.

GUS: Fantastic. I can’t even have a make-believe boy cat.

SHAWN: Gus, a boy cat wouldn’t serve my purposes nearly as well. The next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.

GUS: “Pickles”?

SHAWN: Mrs. Pickles is her full name...though I’m not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.

GUS: Yeah, well, in a related issue, I’m blocking your number on all the phones in the office. (He walks away)

SHAWN: If you think that’ll work, I think it’s endearing. In the meantime, (GUS stops) aren’t you the least bit curious about who was there when they put the ring in the hotel safe?

GUS walks back to SHAWN.

GUS (intrigued): Wait a minute...this is a safecracking case?

SHAWN: Did I forget to mention that? (He hops off the hood of GUS’ car to get into the passenger side)

GUS: What kind of safe? (He walks to the drivers side of his car)

SHAWN: The, uh…Hydra 700? (He gets into the car)

GUS: The 700 is out? That’s impossible! Nobody can crack that!

SHAWN: I haven’t even told you about the wall sensors.

GUS: Can we be done by three?

SHAWN pauses before replying.

SHAWN: Yes.

GUS gets into the driver’s seat.

INT-HOTEL DE LA CRUZ. DAY.

SHAWN and GUS enter, walking side by side.

SHAWN: The safe room…(He points behind him) right behind that door.

GUS gestures to crime scene tape surrounding the reception desk.

GUS: What is all this? I thought this was a safe job.

SHAWN: Oh, uh, Lassiter has this insane idea that this is an elaborate heist, right? Like on par with Ocean’s Eleven or Thomas Crown or, uh...ooh! (From behind them, the CHIEF walks past and then backtracks while SHAWN continues) Or the one where they kill Donald Sutherland in the first ten minutes. Remake. Uh…

CHIEF: Mr. Spencer. Mr. Guster. What a surprise.

SHAWN: Chief! Lookin’ good. You’re probably wondering--

CHIEF: I sent an officer down to the high school to take a look at your secretary suspect. She cracked. He didn’t even get the first question out.

SHAWN (surprised): Really?! But--

GUS elbows SHAWN in the side.

SHAWN: Because I, uh, envisioned that being harder.

CHIEF: Yet I don’t recall asking you to come down here to the De La Cruz.

GUS: Well, we have reason to believe that this case goes in a completely different direction.

CHIEF: Huh. Let me be perfectly clear (She leans in close to them, as if to tell a secret)--I didn’t see you and we didn’t talk. Call me if you have something. (She walks away)

SHAWN: I love her.

GUS: Yeah.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.


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