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In case you haven't noticed, I'm into character studies. I like to explore what goes on in the minds of our great characters- whether dealing with frivolity and humor, friendship, or the depths of despair- we've been blessed by very deep characters, meaning I get to dive right in and see what cool treasures lie in their heads :) I have my favorites from amongst my stories, sometimes others agree, sometimes they disagree, but that interaction is what writing and sharing is all about, and it's been an amazing journey in learning this :) I never thought, when I started dabbling in this fanfic thing that it would be so rewarding. It's been awesome exploring the characters, exploring the limits of what I can do, and getting to work with some amazing people in the meantime. Also, THANK YOU to all of you who saw me fit to vote for me in the 2011 PF awards!! I'm honored beyond belief, and "A Bitter Pill" has definitely grown more than I ever thought it would :)
Bad things happen, even to cops. But you move on right?
Sometimes the hardest part isn't surviving - it's how you go from there.
Awards: SBPD Award
Characters: Juliet, Lassiter, Shawn
Genres: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Sensitive Material
Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 57844 Read Count: 19551
Date: September 04, 2009 Title: Chapter 3: Long Dark Night
This story is so heartwrenching, and so awesome! There is so much that goes on in the mind and soul of someone who has gone through this, and you've captured so much of it. I also love how you shined so much of a spotlight on what those closest to her were going through. It's so true- an event like this affects everyone, and they all want to do something, but everything feels so wrong in comparison. Ugghh...I want to cry!
Can't wait for the next installment!
Date: October 16, 2009 Title: Chapter 6: Sleepwalking
Awesome chapter! I love the attention to detail that you have paid to the internal struggles of the characters. Even better is your attention to how deeply this is affecting Lassiter and Vick as well. Sure, the focus is on Juliet, but this is something that is affecting everyone around her- those who care deeply about her. It's a good study into the ripple effect that such a traumatic experience can have. Beautiful, and painful at the same time. Awesome job :)
She didn't cry becasue she promised him she wouldn't. No matter what.
And that promise was all she had left of him.
Categories: Season, Post-season
Characters: Juliet, Shawn
Warnings: Character Death, Tear Jerker
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 766 Read Count: 1011
Date: September 04, 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Loved it! Heartbreaking, and so personal. Her pain is intense and raw, but her devotion to him is stronger- so strong that it overpowers what her own emotions would want her to do. Also inherent in this is her realization of his sincerity of feelings towards her, and what his words really meant each time he teased her. It's beautiful.
Author's Response: Thank for the heartfelt review! I'm really glad you picked up on the true meaning (at least to me) behind teasing her becuase I really wanted to get that across. :)
Do nightmares really come true, if dreamt while sleeping alone at night, five nights in row before Halloween? And is Shawn a vampire? Juliet O’Hara is about to find out.
October 31st casts its dangerous, seductive spell.
Characters: Gus, Juliet, Lassiter, Shawn
Genres: Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Suspense
Challenges: Character Fantasies List
Chapters: 11 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 34727 Read Count: 10464
Date: November 02, 2010 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Like I Might Suck Your Blood
So sorry that this is a couple days late. Either way, I just had to tell you how much I'm loving this story! That's saying something, considering on the surface this did NOT sound like something I'd be interested in. But, it was Halloween, I was looking for something to read, and if anyone was going to provide a good quality fic with these prompts, it would have to be someone with your awesome skillz.
First of all, I love how you personalized the dream. It almost becomes a character in its own right- haunting and tormenting poor Juliet in a very disturbing yet realistic way. The poor thing tries to brush it off and go on with life, but it lingers. That's probably the feeling that you create with the dream- it just "lingers" there, not really overt yet not going away, and that's psychologically powerful.
Secondly, the underlying feeling of foreboding and "the unknown" that you develop surrounding the rest of the story seems to grab the reader and haunt them, create the same "goosebumpy skin" sensation that Juliet herself is feeling. Juliet is feeling that something is "off", even though logically that's a pretty ridiculous thought. Likewise, the reader feels that something is "off" and not quite right, especially with Shawn, even though logic tells us he's just goofing off like he always does and is only wearing a costume. My mind is telling me this is a benign situation, but my gut is begging to disagree. I love it! This is even more appropriate because so much of the story is coming from Juliet's point of view. NICE way of drawing the reader into the experience of the story.
Finally, weaving into it Juliet's belief in Shawn's psychic powers. Of course we know he has none, but Juliet doesn't, so the idea of him being psychic actually becomes relevant to the story as being told from Juliet's point of view. That's not seen very much in fanfiction. It's refreshing. Of course...we know Shawn isn't really psychic...right? Just like he's not really anything more than just dressed up in vampire clothes and fumbling around with fake vampire teeth...right? Gah! I love it.
Great work. I'd love to read more :)
OMG, thank you so much for your super awesome review! :) I'm so flattered that you like this story—and that you took a chance on it even it sounds likes something you wouldn't be interested in reading. *iz floored* "provide good quality" . . . *MAJOR BLUSHING HERE* Thank you! What a sweet compliment! :) *hugs* :)
The dream was the very first scene I wrote for the story after thinking over for weeks and weeks how to do a vampire!Shawn fic in a way where Shawn wasn't exactly a real vampire—but still where everything within the normal Psych reality seemed abnormal anyway. Yes, exactly, what you said about the essence of the dream lingering and clinging—that's exactly what I wanted it to be—like a shadow or a ghost Juliet can't get rid of. She wants to, it makes her uncomfortable to keep thinking of it, but no matter what, it stays with her. Definitely wanted it to be something creepy—where she doesn't want to think of Shawn that way, even though when she's dreaming it, she almost likes it.
*Le gasp* Yes!!! I am so so so so so so happy to hear that "the underlying feeling of foreboding and 'the unknown'" came through as I'd hoped—you have PERFECTLY articulated the feelings and atmosphere that I wanted to come through. As I mentioned, I want things to have an abnormal feel, kind of "off", as if you the reader is looking at the characters in a reflection of a carnival mirror where the images reflected back are only slightly distorted—they're not too tall or too short, but they're not quite what you'd expect to see (if that metaphor makes any sense!). :) *squee* Thank you!!!!! I do love trying to see all of this via Juliet's POV—because it's her dream, it's her story, distorted or not. :) Ah, the psychic powers! :D I'm flattered to hear you find this way of exploring "the powers" refreshing—you are so right, Juliet actually believes he has these abilities. And your last two lines of logic about Shawn—OMG, those are right among the questions I really hope the reader is asking herself/himself. "He's not really a vampire . . . right? O.o Um . . ." LOL ;D Right? ;D
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!! *Massive hugs* I'm so appreciative that you're reading and that you wrote this wonderful, smile inducing review! :D Thank you again!
Date: February 13, 2011 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Someone Slipping Through The Hidden Door
Again, I’m sorry I’m delayed on reading here. Lots going on. But let me say- Awesome, awesome, awesome! The “eerie” feeling continues, and holy cow I even found myself holding my hand at my collar/neck for a good while! Sure…it’s a mock turtleneck, and the temp in here is a little warm, so maybe I was just uncomfortable…but in the context of reading, it added to my experience ;) Right? There’s nothing going on around me…I’m perfectly safe…right…
So even Gus is feeling uncomfortable! I’m sure Shawn is just having a ball with it! That’s because he gets such satisfaction playing with people’s minds, and messing with Gus- the one who should be beyond his influence now would be the most satisfying of all! But Shawn is just messing with people…right? Gahh! You’re messing with the readers’ heads is what you’re doing!!
“We celebrate. Some fear.” … Shawn nodded, though he couldn’t say why.
OK, so at least one person in this whole story knew what was going on and had their head on straight from the beginning. Not wondering or being freaked out or getting caught up in anything. That was Shawn. And NOW he’s been taken in too?! The suggestion of “we” here, and Shawn’s unconscious acceptance of his belonging in this mysterious group with it is incredible. Who, or what is “we”??
“For you,” the man assured him. His eyes twinkled. As he started walking, Shawn followed, unable to make out any faint voices behind the veil of curiosity that were telling him to run.
Whoa…it is NOT like Shawn to be turned away by curiosity. He generally is attracted to it. This curiosity is different. It’s telling him to stay away. And Shawn is acutely aware of it, yet he can’t obey. It’s not that he chooses to disobey as is his usual tendency, but he simply can’t. Intense!
Gus had an odd sense that the costume was wearing Shawn, rather than the other way around.
And now we’re led to wonder if there’s something about the costume! Shawn can pull off a ridiculous costume or whatever else he decides to do, but the idea that he’s not entirely in control his is awesome and chilling. If we lose Shawn to this fog of creepiness…what do we have left?! The reader is left completely lost now, since the compass of reality no longer points to Shawn- or to anything for that matter. It’s disorienting!
In previous chapters where Jules was the focus, you did a great job showcasing the romanticism of the vampire, as it exists alongside the horror of the vampire attack. To be attacked by a vampire is to be seduced in a way, as well. The same feeling surrounds Shawn now. He’s drawn to something that his very core tells him to run from. It shakes him, grabs a hold of him, yet he can’t bring himself to break away. I’ve never seen anyone show a certain “seduction” or “getting drawn into” on the part of a male. Interesting! And brilliant! Can’t wait for an update!
Thank you so much for your very awesome , long review!!!! *bounces around filled with glee* I'm so excited you found so much in the chapter/story that you like/are intrigued by. :) *iz giddy* Lol, I love that you were so affected by the eerieness of the mood that you are letting the questions fly about "just being messed with, right?" ;D *SQUEEEEEEEEEEE* XD I can't tell you how excited that makes me. I feel like the mood of this story is such a risk; I want to keep the essences of the characters (mostly) intact while still pushing the buttons that slant reality. And this led me to play around with the idea that maybe Shawn *is not* in control of everything as was initially thought. ;) I so love that this jars you a bit! ;) Shawn is definitely the one that everyone can usually count on to be in control (even if he's in some kind of mortal danger) of whatever situation he's in. I have to say that it makes even me uneasy to "learn" he may not have control over what's happening and that the costume might be wearing him, rather than the other way around. ;) Thanks for mentioning that line! Writing it gave me some kind of chills. ;D
Truly, I love that you feel disoriented by the current action, not quite knowing where to turn for some stability! This is really what I wanted the reader to feel—"lost", a bit "out of touch with reality", "disoriented", all very good! ;D I set this up as a gentle curve into something much . . . stranger, darker, creepier. Well. I shouldn't say anymore. ;)
So that brings me to the exploration of the costume (is it haunted?) ;) and also to the, as you so well put it, "romanticism of the vampire". I've always been fascinated and intrigued by vampires and their lore/mythologies, and I love seeing the lore from many different angles, from the most archaic to the most updated versions (even the really crazy versions where vampires sparkle in the sun). ;) I like the good vampires and the bad vampires and everything in between—they have an incredible lure, I think, for both sexes. So I really love the idea of having Juliet (in a sort of Gothic novel sense) lured in by a vampire, but also Shawn—maybe more by the idea of becoming that attractive and irresistible seducer. Lol, I hope that makes sense. xD Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful, insightful review!!! :D
Characters: Buzz, Gus, Henry, Juliet, Karen, Lassiter, Shawn
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 8072 Read Count: 4756
Date: November 19, 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 "Inconceivable"
First and foremost- Welcome to Psychfic!! Your first fic! Woot! And there’s no easier path to my heart than Princess Bride references, so major kudos for that : ) Yes, don’t think I missed that Xena reference there either, you sly pimpcess you ; ) I love how you’re taking the time to make sure everything is well set up, getting everything put together, and not rushing through the story. Believe me I know how tempting it is to get right to the action, so good job! You’ve definitely got something good going on here, keep at it! I’m most definitely hooked and can’t wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thank ya kindly!! :D
First and foremost- Welcome to Psychfic!! Your first fic! Woot! And there’s no easier path to my heart than Princess Bride references, so major kudos for that : ) Yes, don’t think I missed that Xena reference there either, you sly pimpcess you ; )
I love how you’re taking the time to make sure everything is well set up, getting everything put together, and not rushing through the story. Believe me I know how tempting it is to get right to the action, so good job!
You’ve definitely got something good going on here, keep at it! I’m most definitely hooked and can’t wait to read more.
Lassiter get's the surprise of his life. Along the way he learns that Children definitely don't come with an owners manual. Who knew life could be so complicated.
A journey embarks of pirates, caves, fairy tale creatures. Shawn, Gus, and Lassiter are set to find a hidden secret. What they'll find, is a secret in itself.
Categories: Pre-season, Season
Characters: Buzz, Gus, Juliet, Karen, Lassiter, OFC, Other, Shawn
Genres: Action/Adventure, General, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Suspense
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 18211 Read Count: 2904
Date: November 21, 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Why Does it Always Rain On Me?
I love this story!! You’re doing such a great job of showing the conflict within Lassiter- how much he wants this, but also how much he dreads this. It’s so realistic in how he keeps going back and forth on his feelings, yet subtly…oh so subtly, he’s moving forward, and he knows it. I love Lassiter’s self-reflection into how he came to be as he is, and what he would like to be, what he would like for himself, and how he would like to provide a home for Amelia. I’m also really enjoying your exploration of a different, and unknown part of Lassiter’s life. You’re describing it beautifully too- through memories, and as he remembers them. It really works. I can’t wait to read more
If someone told Lassiter that today he would get the surprise of his life, that today he should have never left work early or hell, not have gotten up in the morning, Lassiter would tell them that they were full of shit! He would have asked who this person had been talking to and probably would have even arrested him or her on suspicion of stalking. But in reality, it wouldn’t matter if it happened or not, because he still wouldn’t have believed a damn thing about it!
I like how you set Lassiter up here, because that is what he tends to do! He’ll get himself into a certain mindset and there’s just no getting him out of it, especially when he thinks he has everything under control.
“. . . Detective Lassiter,” she carried on, “it has come to my attention that you may be significantly essential towards one of my clients.” Gertrude’s nose wrinkled taking note of the décor. Papers and boxes were scattered everywhere. The walls were a plain dark color, setting a drab feeling in the home. There weren’t many pictures on his shelves and she saw his gun lying on the kitchen table; definitely not child friendly. Lassiter’s only response was a grunt and a glower back. “Is it possible that you may have known someone by the name of Amy Miles?”
Good job adding in a description from the social worker’s point of view! It’s really very believable that she would take stock of the home with a child’s welfare in mind.
Gertrude sighed, “Detective, we really don’t have many options. It’s either here or she’ll be lost in the system going from one house to another. There is no telling what would happen to her. There are always chances of abusive parents, her becoming depressed, or worst of all she’ll run away. Being a police officer by profession, I’m sure you have seen cases like these, Detective. She needs to be with someone who knows her mother personally and was close to her. It’s not easy for a child to lose one of their parents. Now that she knows she still has one left I’m sure she can’t wait to get to know you. She even has your blue eyes.”
I really appreciated how she speaks to Lassiter in terms he will understand. That shows she’s not just there as a messenger, but is also looking to effectively communicate with him. I like it! And the whole exchange where he’s in shock and disbelief, trying to process the information- it’s brilliant! It’s definitely a lot to take in for any man, but you can imagine how it would be for one Carlton Lassiter.
Sighing with great frustration, Gertrude looked straight into Carlton’s soul. She sent daggers that would have had his hard headed mother staggering away with her tail between her legs. Her revolting words latched onto his brain like a fly clinging to a wall. “You’re making the wrong choice, Detective. I hope you’re happy here with your sorry, lonely self.” With that, she hastily walked out, slamming the door behind and leaving nothing but cold silence in her wake.
WOW! What a confrontation between Lassiter and the social worker! I can totally feel the intensity of what is going on inside of his head, especially because he went from anger, to almost acceptance with the question of her having his eyes, and then right back to anger again. Kudos to her for taking it like she did, too! It’s gonna take a tough case manager to work with Lassiter through this, for sure.
“I know this can be hard and there are many thoughts going through your head right now. But you have to understand as a new parent everyone feels these things. It is normal, Detective, and it’ll only get better as time goes on. Taking care of a child does not come with an owner’s manual. There are no instructions to tell if you’re doing it right, and there is no right or wrong. You will learn and gain experience from your time spent with your child. But every moment is worthwhile, whether it’s good or bad, you will be savoring the memories. You will want to be there for her every moment of the day, but you can’t because that’s just impossible. And when she’s not there, you’ll be waiting for her to be because you can’t wait to see that huge grin that always lights up her face when you’re around. She’ll make you happy, frustrated, angry, excited, comforted, upset, overjoyed, and a huge array of many different emotions. But most importantly she’ll make you feel loved, and that she will know you love her back. You’ll care for her no matter what, give her encouragement, and watch her grow to become the person that you helped to create. No matter what, caring for a child is a lifelong journey that opens your eyes to new possibilities. I really believe that when you finally meet her, as your relationship grows and your bond gets stronger you will unquestionably, without a doubt never, ever, want to give her up.”
GAHH!! What a way to describe parenting!! As a mother…omg…I want to cry! This was so beautifully written, I think I’m gonna save this piece to look at once in a while. Hell yes I want to be with my kids every moment of every day, and the thought of going back home to them is my biggest motivation. And yes they drive me insane and up the wall, but the joys that come from having them are worth more than life itself. And yes, more than anything- the love of a child is pure, complete, and unconditional.
With that Lassiter rushed back inside, grabbing his keys. The entire ride there was the most unbearable ride of his life.
Yes! It would be an unbearable ride! He wants more than anything to see her, but there’s also nothing he fears more than seeing her- definitely unbearable. I love your characterizations.
Tick! Tick! Tick!
This is great suspense building! Sure, he’s only waiting, but the way you’re building it up, the reader can really feel the intensity of his own feelings growing.
Lassiter nodded taking a deep steadying breath as Gertrude closed the door behind. You can do this, Carlton. You’re a highly trained police officer, insanely talented sharpshooter, and can scare the pants off of any rookie in the building. But you can’t face a little seven year old child, a girl no less. Just grow a pair already and move your ass!
Ha! So true! Never underestimate the intimidating power of little girls! Especially a little female Lassiter at that ; )
Swallowing roughly again, he licked at his lips. Amelia now before him, Carlton could see Amy in her: in posture and face. Her hair was brown and wavy, reaching all the way to her neck line. She wore butterfly clips in her hair to keep her bangs out of her beautiful eyes. Her clothing consisted of a purple t-shirt with a logo from the children’s cartoon “Powerpuff Girls”, along with a pair of faded jeans and a pair of sneakers as her shoe of choice. Thank god she wasn’t a girly girl! Carlton happily thought, because then he really wouldn’t know what to do.
This paragraph made me smile. Not sure why. Probably because I can totally see Carlton falling for her already.
Amelia seemed to sort out that bit of information. “It’s OK, I don’t really know how to have a daddy, anyway . . . Well, I mean, I never had one before so I don’t know what it’s like.”
Oh wow, this is so realistic for a child to say. They don’t question things so much. So what if Carlton doesn’t know how to be a father? She doesn’t know how to have a father either. It makes sense, in a 7-year-old kind of way ; ) The logic of children scares me sometimes…seriously.
Amelia pulled apart and gleamed with that lovable smile. Even though Carlton had a tough time with children and at times hated them, he all but melted at the shine in her eyes; his tough demeanor going slightly soft. Warmth spread across his chest and radiated throughout. He told himself the feeling was miniscule, as if he almost couldn’t even tell it was there, but it was there, nonetheless.
I love it. That hug, and that smile- no way it’s not gonna reach deep inside of him. He’s hooked, and there’s no going back. Great job of illustrating that!
Head Detective Carlton Lassiter thought Shawn's request seemed innocent enough—"Give me a ride in your car."
Life would still be simple and good if his answer had just been "NO."
And now he's stuck in the middle of nowhere with one injured and extremely annoying fake psychic pestering him with no hope of rescue any time soon. That is, if they can manage to make it out alive...without killing each other first.
And YES, Shawn gets whumped something fierce. He'll never know what hit him.
This one story is answering four challenges at once. I'm nothing if not ambitious.
Characters: Buzz, Juliet, Karen, Lassiter, OMC, Shawn
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, General, Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Challenges: Wet, Stuck in the middle, Trapped, Lassie Saves the Day
Chapters: 8 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 67532 Read Count: 63434
Date: November 21, 2009 Title: Chapter 1: Note To Self—Don't Give Rides To Spencers
This is an awesome start. I’m loving every minute of it, and how you grab the reader’s attention right off the bat is perfect. Your highly opinionated narrator is back with a vengeance and is adding SO much to the story. What I love about your writing is that you make an art out of “writing what you know.” There’s no doubt you know what you’re talking about from the obvious, like McNab’s new Springfield all the way down to Lassiter’s knife and the contents of the car trunk. And yet, as much as you show your knowledge, you don’t overdo it. What I mean by this is that you don’t add details for the sake of adding details. You only add what is needed to make the scene work, and keep the focus on the characters. About the “unit eleven ten” thing, do we know that from the show, or is it something you added yourself? I’m just curious if it’s something I’ve missed.
I really like how you are highlighting Lassiter’s competence, but more than anything, you highlight how much Shawn has come to rely on his Psychic façade. He’s not used to having to come up with actual explanations for things, and being stripped of his “go-to excuse” throws him off his center. It’s an interesting insight.
Helpful, protective Lassiter! Not just rendering aid and assistance to Spencer, but also being somewhat comforting, then saying he would try to make this painless. He doesn’t need to be an ass, but he doesn’t need to do this either.
And I love the part with Buzz!! I can totally see the super wide grin on his face! And the heartbreak he will feel when Lassiter doesn’t show up…guhh! For Buzz, this is all about time with Lassiter so much more than the gun. The gun is cool and all, but it SO pales in comparison to getting Lassiter’s enthusiastic help and then agreement to go shooting with him.
I can totally see this is turning out wonderfully. Keep up the great work :)
HOWDY Peazy! Thank you so much for this awesome review! Glad you like my "opinionated narrator", I don't know why I write that way, I just do. It's just how I envision the story being told to the reader. And yes, I tend to infuse all of my stories with my personal knowledge and experiences. The Gerber knife Lassiter uses is the same knife I use on partol every day. The "unit eleven ten" is my radio callsign at work. So don't worry, you didn't miss anything!
ALWAYS love a competent Lassie! Gotta give the Head Detective his due! He's going to shine in this fic. Spencer will owe him big time. Even more than before, if that's possible. And Buzz is gonna rock a bit in this one, too!
Again. thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it.
Date: December 11, 2009 Title: Chapter 2: Any Port In A Storm
This is one hell of a great story. I have no words for how much I'm loving it right now. You have a wonderful talent for mixing a highly dangerous situation with just the right amount of very believable humor. The idea of Shawn and Lassiter having to be naked in a room together- Hilarious! Yet at the same time, it's a necessary occurrence. As you put it, it's a surivival situation. You didn't put this in there just to be funny, you made the most out of something that had to happen anyway to be realistic. That's talent!
I love how you have them finding the cabin in such a roundabout way, as opposed to the general "oh look there's a cabin!" It was a very methodical way of doing it, kind of just like Lassiter himself :)
AWESOME how Shawn gets Lassiter to strip, that’s really the only way it would happen! He comes off as selfish, so putting on a selfish air and appealing to Lassiter’s “rescuer” mentality is the only thing that would work, even though according to your description, Shawn is actually worried for him. I like that touch too! Shawn does worry A LOT for those he cares about, but hardly even allows himself to see it, much less anyone else.
Superman Underoos!! LOL!! Do they even make those for adults?! Wait…do I want to know the answer to that…either way, too funny!
Ok so I've always been the type that's afraid to go downhill on hills and mountains, apparently, for good reason!! Not that I'd race someone down or get scared off by a pissed off raccoon, lol, but still- who knows what could happen? And HELL NO I don't ever want to know what poor Shawn went through getting his leg set! Your description of it is so realistic from the expert way that Lassiter completes the task, all the way to the subtle nuances of how Lassiter actually feels sorry for what he has to do.
This leads me, as a Shawn fan AND a Lassie fan equally, to thank you majorly for how you're characterizing their relationship. Sure they grate on each others' nerves, but deep down, when it counts, they're friends. As much as Lassiter takes pleasure in beating up on Shawn at the station or in the field, when there's real danger involved, he takes no pleasure from inflicting pain on the young man. He's truly concerned. The two of them have a friendship and respect deep down, whether they'll ever admit it or not.
You’ve got the Chief down perfectly, she’s one pissed off, worried woman, and she’s not about to accept anything short of success in finding her Head Detective.
Yeah, awesome. Can’t wait for the next part
Date: December 11, 2009 Title: Chapter 3: Like Father, Like Son - The Ghosts Of Old Sonora
Oh man...pissed off Lassiter, hurting Lassiter. You didn't just call back his Old Sonora days (in an awesome way, I must add), you also called back the undercurrent of Lassiter's strained relationship with his father. We weren't sure what happened after watching the episode, and you don't suggest to have any more knowledge, either, except that it's clearly painful for the Detective to think about. Great way of using perspective to show how the strained father/son relationship can happen with both a present and an absent father and leading to a "grass is greener" mentality for both sides. You really humanized both characters here and drew a connection between them that (of course), they don't see.
Lassiter's reaction is so strong, that even Shawn is scared of him- and to think how horrible Lassiter feels when he realizes this! Gaahhh! Under normal circumstances, you know that finally scaring Spencer would be Lassiter's dream come true! But most definitely not now.
I love how you're developing Miller and Bailey! Great characters! They're competent and knowledgeable, exactly the help that the SBPD needs right now with their resources and knowledge of the area. But you're not just 'using' them for their convenient knowledge. They've got personalities, and apparently, a flair for adventure all their own! We'll just have to see how much longer they're able to keep Juliet from insisting on joining in their antics!
HOWDY Peazy! Yes, Lassie's bad daddy is a terribly uncomfortable and painful subject for our Head Detective. I deliberately left it open-ended as to what happened between them because 1) the show hasn't clarified that yet, and 2) I wanted the reader to imagine what happened themselves. I'm letting the reader fill in the blanks here, much more entertaining to an intelligent audience. Yeah, Lassie feels bad about scaring Shawn. We all know Lassie talks a big game, but I believe he'd actually feel really bad if he intimidated someone that much smaller and (especially in this case) weaker than him into fear he'd actually hurt them. As pissy as he can get at times, Lassie would never intentionally hurt an innocent person-period. It's against his moral code because those are the people he's supposed to protect.
I love Miller and Bailey too! I'd originally intended them to just be names in the background, but the guys grew on me, and before I knew it, tney were major players in the story. I love them for it, too. And Juliet is tenacious, I have the feeling she'll wear them down!
Thanks so much for the review, AND the feedback after "sneak peeks" for chapters. You only make my writing better!