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Reviewer: JustForFun Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 03, 2016 11:07 am Title: Chapter 1

Harakiri and Me_ are right.  This is a good start to a story.  However, it needs a lot of work as far as punctuation and paragraphs.  Do some research online or buy a writing manual at the book store.  After you have read your story checking for mistakes several times, always have someone else proof read it for you again.  Remember there are always two spaces between sentences.  When another person starts taking, you need to start a new paragraph.  A new paragraph starts when you change subjects.  I believe that you wrote this on the site.  Never do that.  Write it in Word on your computer then copy and paste it on the site.  The spell check on your computer would have pointed out many of your mistakes.  You are a gifted story teller.  However, your writing needs a lot of work.  I look forward to reading more from you in the future when you have mastered some simple writing rules.  And yes, they are rules not suggestions.      

Author's Response: Thank you! After uploading, I realized how hard it is to read. I will address these major flaws, do the research, and use Word. Again, thank you for your help and your constructive criticism.

Reviewer: harakiri Signed [Report This]
Date: January 03, 2016 5:04 am Title: Chapter 1

Well, who wouldn't want Lassie in an apron and hairnet? It helps of course that what you've written so far is really good, so please keep going! :)

I agree with me_ though, it's a bit hard to read without line breaks. Psychfic can be a bit glitchy when it comes to formatting, please do shout if you need help! :)

Reviewer: me_ Signed [Report This]
Date: January 03, 2016 12:51 am Title: Chapter 1

Oh, gross! And Gus ate that!

I liked it a lot, but you might want to work on the spacing to make it easier to read.

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