Forward…and back.

Forward…and back.

He’d been wrong.  Wrong.

He continued to rock forward…and back, her beautiful face filling his mind. 

He’d been wrong and she was gone.  Gone.

Forward…and back.

He’d been the one to come up with a lead, the one to send the officers to that warehouse. 

His fault.

“You just can’t handle the fact that you got caught, Jenkins!” Shawn gloated, eyes sparkling as he looked at Juliet and smiled in triumph.  She grinned back before her beautiful blue eyes widened in shock as she saw something Shawn had missed.  She darted forward, covering Shawn’s body with her own as the shot rang out, a small grunt of pain and harsh breathing the only hint that something had gone wrong.

Sometimes a bulletproof vest just wasn’t enough.

Forward…and back.

A tear was still falling down her face when she breathed her last.  He reached out a trembling hand to touch it, shuddering as he watched it sparkle on the tip of his finger.  “Jules?” 

There’d been no answer.  There would never be one again.

She was gone…and so was he.

Forward…and back.

“Shawn—”

“Hold on, buddy. Ooooonnnne moment…” Shawn poked his tongue out in concentration, “busy” finishing his Lego city.

Gus glanced out the window nervously. “Shawn, Lass—”

“Waaaaiiit… There!” His smile disappeared at Gus’ glower. “Yeah?”

“I need to tell you something!”

“I’m all ears…which is…misleading. You can’t be all ears.”

“Lassiter—”

“Hello?”

“Clients!” Shawn bounced up to greet them, leaving Gus gnashing his teeth.

“A pineapple smoothie if it’s the jealous mistress!” Shawn exclaimed, swiveling his chair toward Gus after the clients left, eyebrows lifting at Gus’ clear frustration. “Go on. I’m…two ears.”

Gus opened his mouth…and the phone rang. He tsk’d when Shawn answered it.

“Lassie…what…?” His eyes stretched wide and he hissed to Gus, “You didn’t tell me Lassie knows I put that squirrel in his garage!”

Gus groaned, banging his head against his desk.

“You’re where?!” Shawn squeaked, flinching when something tapped against the window—that something a livid Lassiter and his trusty gun. “Gus, help!” He yelled, running from the room.

Gus leaned back in his chair and smirked. “I’m just going to enjoy the show, buddy.”

They got married in late spring. It was beautiful weather; warm, not hot or chilly, sun bright, breeze gentle. There was the slight crashing of waves as a backdrop to their wedding vows, a soothing, comforting sound they both loved.

It was the best day of Shawn's life, hands down.

Juliet was stunning in white, Shawn dashing in his tux, if he said so himself (and he did).

Six months later, it was no longer the best day.

There was silence following her announcement. Stunned disbelief. The tears caught him by surprise, and he blinked rapidly to clear his eyes.

 

The bright sun of their wedding was now the muted light of winter, the gentle breeze of spring now the harsher, colder winter gusts that had always sounded lonely and forlorn to him. The sound provided a stark backdrop to her words, the rattle of the winter winds so different from the swaying, balmy whispers of early summer, and he took a deep breath.

The smile he next gave came unbidden, no thought behind the reaction to her words; just joy. Joy and love and excitement and peace…

"I'm going to be a father," he whispered.

Juliet was never late. She was the most punctual person Shawn knew besides his father and Gus. She was prompt and, on many occasions, early. Because of her influence, he’d started to make an effort to arrive…well, not on time, but at least closer to the right time.

Shawn nodded slowly at the minister who told him Juliet would be arriving late. It figured that would happen today. He tugged at the sleeves of his suit, leaned into the hand his father placed on his shoulder. The minister came back and gestured to Shawn, who stood at the front of the church, with his father, Gus, and Lassiter lined up beside him.

Finally, finally Juliet came down the aisle, encased in a shiny black casket. He waited patiently for them to situate her, waited for them to lift the lid and reveal his beautiful wife, waited for them to leave, so he could move forward to talk to her. His father, Gus, and Lassiter stepped back with Juliet’s family to give him privacy, and Shawn leaned over the casket.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered, laying his hand on her cold fingers. “You weren’t supposed to leave without me.”

Playing poker wasn’t really risky for someone when they were an expert, which Shawn was. Still, he’d thrown on a few extra layers of clothing when they’d decided to play strip poker, because he wasn’t a complete fool.

He’d been confident-Shawn bluffed with the best of them and he had an eidetic memory. There was no way he was going to lose against his friends.

He’d been wrong.

Lassie’d begged off when he lost his tie. Gus giggled, a now-empty chip bowl held to his front as he gathered his clothes to leave. And then it was just Shawn and his nemesis-the con artist’s daughter.

Juliet gave an impish smile. “One more hand? Winner chooses what clothing comes off next.�

Considering Shawn just had his cowboy hat and boxers on while she’d only lost her jacket? No bet.

“C’mon, Shawn. Live a little,� she winked.

“Oh, my little demon,� he whispered. “I'm up to the challenge.�

Two minutes later, he set down a winning hand. He looked up at her with a smirk and cocked an eyebrow.

“Well,� she said softly. That devilish smile returned as she toyed with a button on her shirt. “How the tables have turned.�

Red and blue lights flickered across Henry’s vision as he jumped out of his truck. Sound was muted as he pushed through the officers, dampened not only by the pre-dawn fog blanketing them but the severity of the crime scene. There was a still figure lying in the back of an ambulance, and Henry strained his eyes to find the man’s partner-in-crime.

There he was, sitting near the ambulance, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped tight around his legs. Henry sat down beside him, cataloging the bruises and blood that stained him. Not all of it belonged to the man on the gurney.

“Talk to me, kiddo,� he said softly.

Shawn flinched and looked at Henry, his eyes empty, haunted. His lips trembled, and he shook his head desperately.

“Gus will heal. You’ll heal. And I’m here, Shawn. I’m here.�

At that, Shawn curled into Henry with a sob that shook both of their bodies. Grief speared through Henry-it had been too close. He’d nearly lost both of his sons that night.

They’re alive, he thought, and they’ll be okay.

It was a mantra he found himself repeating more and more with each new case they investigated.

“Hello, sweetheart.�

Jules gave him a radiant smile.

“Want a blanket? Pillow? Snack? I’ve got dried pineapples, yogurt, chocolate-�

“Shawn.� Her voice was beautiful, for all that it was nearly non-existent.

“Jules.�

“Sit with me?�

“Your wish is my command, m’lady.� He bowed over her hand and bestowed a kiss to her knuckles. It was silly, ridiculous, and over the top, but he didn’t care. Not when it made her giggle.

He helped her sit up and slid into place behind her. Wrapping her in his arms, he wished-not for the first, tenth, millionth time-that his embrace was enough to keep her safe and healthy, but it wasn’t. Nothing would be.

The diagnosis hit them hard. Cancer. Terminal. Only a few months to live.

Juliet took the news with the same grit and determination she had when handling a difficult case. Refusing to accept there were no options for treatment, she got a second, third, fourth opinion. Each doctor said the same thing. Gracious in defeat, she embraced the remainder of her life with an enthusiasm that made Shawn breathlessly proud.

Shawn met her joie de vivre with his own, waiting until he was with his dad, Gus, or Lassiter to scream and cry and curse the fate Juliet was sentenced with-they were sentenced with.

He brought her presents every day: stuffed animals, jewelry-both elegantly fancy and garishly cheap to make her smile, and food to tempt her finicky appetite. She left him love notes everywhere-in the fridge, under his pillow, a post-it on his phone.

At the last doctor's appointment, they wanted to admit her to the hospital for her final days. But when his beloved looked at him, cocked an eyebrow, and ordered, “Take me home,� he obeyed.

“Can’t believe you…moved this chaise outside,� she murmured.

“You wanted to see the sunset. I wanted you comfortable.�

Silence fell as they watched the colors shift from bright pink and orange to soft blues and purples.

“Going to…miss you when I…leave,� she whispered. It was getting harder for her to breathe-too hard.

Shawn blinked back tears. “Don’t be silly.� He shifted one hand to press against her heart. “We’ll always be together.�

Cold fingers curled around his hand. She drew it to her mouth and pressed a long kiss to his palm. “I love you,� she whispered.

“And I love you.�

She was gone before the moon rose.