The light from the two candles in the center of the table flickered off Shawn’s eyes as she stepped into the room.

He was already looking at her, his memory committing every detail of her dress, of her curves, to memory.

She knew he would be able to look at this moment any time he chose in the future just by closing his eyes.

She hesitated before walking all the way into the dining room of the apartment they had shared for a few months now. It had been a week since she’d set foot in it, but it felt like a century.

An eternity.

She missed it.

She missed the pale green walls and the hardwoods floors. She missed the pictures of them, of their smiles, hanging on the walls. But mostly, she missed those hazel eyes that were still gazing at her.

And with just that one look, she knew they’d missed her.

She smiled, having to force it at first as she walked across the floor, stopping a few feet away from the table. Shawn stood up, straightening his tie.

He was wearing a tie.

He was trying so hard.

“Jules,” he began, his breath catching slightly as a grin flickered across his face. “You came. I mean, you look--” He couldn’t even complete his thought. He just exhaled slowly, his fingers running over the seams in his pants nervously.

She had never seen him like this before.

Insecure.

Desperate.

She hated it, but there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t put his mind at ease.

Not yet.

“Hi, Shawn,” she practically whispered.

“Hi.”

Again, the words seemed to disappear, swallowed into the pale green walls.

Finally, Shawn thought of something else to say. “Thanks for coming,” he murmured, clearing his throat as he sat down. “I mean, I know you live here and everything…but…thanks. For coming.”

“Sure,” she answered without emotion, not moving from her place on the floor.

“Wine?” he pressed on gallantly, his eyes darting back and forth between here and the bottle as he poured two glasses.

“No. Thanks.”

“Okay.”

He put the bottle down and pushed his glass away from him.

He didn’t even like wine.

It was for her.

It was all for her.

God, he was trying hard.

She finally moved, taking the seat across the table from him. The candle light played with face, alternating between shadow and light, almost as if it couldn’t choose between the two.

Both seemed fitting for that night.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Shawn told her, interrupting her thoughts. “I call it Chicken ala Spencer.”

“Does that mean Gus made it?” Juliet laughed, allowing her stomach to unclench for a moment. “Or your dad?”

“No,” Shawn assured her, leaning back in his chair, also starting to seem slightly more at-ease. “It means Gus gave me the recipe over the phone last night and I didn’t know what shallots were, so I replaced them with oyster crackers. I figure shallots and shells have to be the same thing, right?”

“I think they’re a kind of onion, actually.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shawn snorted. “If it was an onion, Gus would have just said onion. It’s not Scrabble. You don’t extra points for having more letters.”

“Whatever shallots are, they’re not oyster crackers.”

“Damn.”

They smiled at each other, and for that moment, everything was as it had been.

As it should have been.

As it could be again…

Some day…

She wanted those days back, those days from last week when everything was perfect.

When they both knew exactly what they wanted.

Shawn leaned across the table, grasping her hand in his. He gently kissed her fingers, his lips slowly moving up her arm and onto her neck, stopping just below her ear. She could feel his hot breath exhaling on her skin as he soaked every ounce of her in, sending a chill up her spine. “I miss you, Jules,” he murmured, his nose nuzzling her neck.

“I miss you, too,” she whispered, trying not to give in.

“Then, come home.”

She stood up abruptly, pulling her arm away from his grasp. “Maybe this was a mistake,” she said, snapping herself out of the reverie as she suddenly remembered why they were there. “It’s too soon--”

“It’s not too soon,” Shawn insisted, standing up after her. “I’m making dinner, there are candles, I stole Gus’s ridiculously expensive designer tie…what more do you want from me, Jules? I’m doing the best I can, here.”

Her eyes met his, the depths of what was happening washing over her for the first time since stepping into the apartment.

“I want you to make it better, Shawn,” she told him quietly. “I want you to go back in time and fix it.”

It was a devastating blow.

She knew it.

They both did.

But it couldn’t be helped.

She could see the pain, the regret, in his eyes immediately. She wanted so badly to assuage it, but she couldn’t.

She was hurting worse.

There wasn’t a salve strong enough this time.

“I can’t,” he groaned. “But give me a few months. As soon as I perfect the pancake elevator I’ve been trying to get patented, I can get started on the time machine.”

“This isn’t a joke, Shawn!” she snapped, her voice growing as cold as her eyes now. “How can you even think about making a joke right now?”

“What else am I supposed to do?” Shawn demanded. “This is my default setting! I haven’t even talked to you in a week! You won’t return my calls.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about.”

“I’m sure we could think of something,” Shawn shot back sarcastically.

Juliet’s eyes narrowed as she slid into the chair again, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do you really want to talk about it?” she demanded.

“Yeah. I do.”

That statement in and of itself testified to his sincerity.

For someone who never shut up, Shawn Spencer was a surprisingly reserved man who would do almost anything to avoid serious discussions.

He really was doing everything he knew how to fix this.

She just couldn’t be sure yet that it would be enough.

She leaned back in her chair, shifting her weight slightly. “Then, let’s talk.”

Shawn opened his mouth, then closed it again, as if whatever words he’d had evaporated before they ever reached his mouth.

Finally, he seemed to find something. “I love you, Jules.”

She shook her head, closing her eyes against the surging emotions. “Don’t do that, Shawn. Don’t you dare--”

“But it’s all I know anymore!” he insisted. “It’s the only place I have to start! I love you. And I messed up.”

“Yeah,” she nodded firmly, her eyes opening again. “You did.”

“I know.”

He looked down at the table, unable to meet her eyes.

“You hurt me, Shawn,” she whispered. “Do you have any idea how much it hurt to find out that my boyfriend, the man I’m living with, the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, decided to have a little fling?”

“In fairness,” Shawn corrected her. “I didn’t decide. I wasn’t exactly thinking about it. It just…happened.”

“What the hell kind of defense is that?” she demanded, her voice rising angrily. “You just weren’t thinking?”

“It’s not a defense! There isn’t a defense! I was wrong. It was my fault. I can take that. But I didn’t plan it, Jules. I swear. I didn’t want it to happen. It was one time, and it’ll never happen again.”

“How can I know that?” Juliet asked.

Shawn shrugged limply. “You have to trust me.”

“I did trust you, Shawn. I trusted you when I agreed to our first date. I trusted you when you told me you loved me the first time. I trusted you when we moved in together. I’ve trusted you all along. And where did we end up?”

He didn’t have a response this time.

There wasn’t one.

He looked down at the table again. “I don’t know what to say, Jules. Maybe I realized how fast things were moving with us and I freaked out a little...you were working more, I was working more…maybe I didn’t know how to talk to you about it…maybe I had a little too much to drink. Maybe the bartender was just a little too friendly…but none of that matters. What matters is it was my fault. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

She glared at him for a moment.

How dare he make excuses?

But he wasn’t.

Not in his mind.

He was just trying to talk about it, to figure out how it all went so wrong so fast.

To fix it.

Her expression softened, ever so slightly.

Her heart was bleeding, but so was his.

“Jules,” he continued, finally looking into her eyes. “You…this…it’s the best thing I’ve ever had. Ever. And it’s the only thing I want. I’m not asking you to forgive me right now. I’m not asking for anything except another chance. I’m used to messing up. I’m used to letting people down. I’ve been disappointing my father since I was born…but I never wanted to let you down. I never wanted you to tell me you can’t trust me.”

“I never wanted it either, Shawn.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.”

 “Even if it’s not today…” Shawn continued, letting his hand rest on hers. “Even if it’s not tomorrow…will you let me earn your trust back? That’s all I want, and I’ll do whatever it takes.”

She didn’t move her hand.

“It won’t be today, Shawn.”

“I know.”

“It won’t be tomorrow.”

“Someday?”

She didn’t have to think before answering.

She loved Shawn.

She knew that much.

She wanted to work it out.

Someday…

She leaned back in her chair, her eyes meeting his. “Someday, yes.”